About the Author


Mordechai Schmutter

Mordechai Schmutter writes a weekly and a bi-weekly humor column for Hamodia and a comic strip for The Brooklyn Family Pages of Brooklyn. He is also the author of the books, Don’t Yell “Challah” in a Crowded Matzah Bakery, A Clever Title Goes Here, This Side Up, Cholent Mix, What Is This - Some Kind of Joke?, and For This I Had to Grow Up? all published by Israel Book Shop. In his spare time, which doesn't exist, he attempts to teach Language Arts to a bunch of high school guys, most of whom are far more interested in bombarding him with reasons not to impart them with knowledge that their parents already paid for. He is also available to do stand-up comedy. He lives in New Jersey for some reason.


 

The Shabbos Delivery

Suck It Up

As a husband, I’m pretty helpful around the house. But vacuuming…”hate” is not a strong enough word.

Snow Problem!

My kids get a snow day; I get a headache.

A Perfect Match

If I would have known what a pain it would be to find clothes to wear to my wife’s brother’s wedding, I never would have sent in the reply card.

Medical Myths

I think it’s time we dispelled all these old wives’ tales about medicine that we’ve been hearing and repeating since our childhood.

One Small Step

Having a 15-month-old baby in your house that can walk but not talk is kind of like having a really short, slightly-insane foreigner living with you.

Buyer Beware

I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say it is not easy to figure out what to buy people for Chanukah.

His and Hers Closet

If I hate shopping for myself, what makes my wife think I am going to enjoy shopping for her?

There Ain’t No Flies On Us

Have the past 21 generations of one family of flies dedicated themselves to mercilessly harassing me?

Tips for the New Year

My common sense tips to make this year a winner.

New Fruits for the New Year

There’s apples and honey and then there’s this.

BBQ 101

My sure fire tips for a successful barbecuing experience.

Mascot Man

As the mascot at my kids’ summer camp, I realized that we all want to know who is pulling the strings in life.

Look, Ma! No Hands!

Google has invented the self driving car. Wait, so whose picture is on the license?

Oh, Concierge!

Actual results of a recent poll of hotel managers as to the strangest objects people have ever requested from the concierge.

Saving Energy

My wife and I are trying come up with ideas to save energy. But all of this thinking requires a lot of, well, energy.

Forget Me Not

Remembering to count the days between Passover and Shavuot can be tricky. But I’ve got a plan!

Fast and Furious

Enhancing your productivity by doing things faster.

Trimming the Fat

Passover is coming, so eat everything you can!

License to Smile

Time for my favorite errand – a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles!

Dressed for Success

Purim is here, and it’s about time you gave some serious thought to the subject of costumes.

Like, Whatever

The two most irritating words in the English language.

Lost and Found

My 8 surefire tips to finding whatever you’ve lost. Guaranteed!

Say What?

Do the things we tell our kids even make sense? Short answer: no.

You Never Call

I never call my parents. At least that’s what my parents believe.

Balance of Power

One man’s take on his experience during Hurricane Sandy and the following blackout.

No, I Don’t Work Here

Ever since I was a teenager, people have been coming up to me in stores and assuming that I worked there.

Doctor in the House

I’ve been feeling kind of lousy lately, and I’ll tell you why: I went to the doctor.

I’m a Mitzvah Clown!

I am happy to call myself a Mitzvah Clown – someone who brings happiness to senior homes and children’s hospitals.

Baby Steps

My youngest child, Gedalyah, is about to start crawling. But he doesn’t know it yet.

Back to School Basics

Kids gather around and listen to these pearls of wisdom from a master educator.

Flying High

Statistically, it’s a lot safer to fly than to drive. I think I’ll take my chances.

Home Economics

Men are far more economical. Wait. Let me explain.

Talking Small

Don’t talk to me about the weather, the food at the wedding you went to or how bad the traffic was – I hate small talk.

Chinese Auction Action

How to make your next Chinese Auction a fun-raising experience.

That’s So Annoying!

Modern technology’s most annoying inventions.

Having a Ball

For his Afikoman present my son asked for a football. But I can’t play for the life of me. Help!

A Jewlarious Hamantashen Recipe

Both the recipe and the jokes here are real.

Carpool Craziness

I miss the school bus. Not that I’m chasing after it yelling “Wait!” but I yearn for it.

Behind the PTA

A teacher tells all about what’s really happening on parent teacher night.

It Could be Worse

With the ten days of repentance upon us, let’s work on our pessimism. Not that it’s going to help anything.

All the Trimmings

Five ways to save on your upcoming wedding.

The Lost Art of Babysitting

We beg them to let us pay them to come to our houses, sit on our couch, do almost no work and raid our refrigerator. The teenagers have officially won.

Is Laughter Really the Best Medicine?

The best? Come on.

We’re Here to Help

New parents need our help. But what we’re doing right now could use some work.

Weighed Down

My pockets are weighing me down. Time to change all of that change.

Toys for Tots

Stumped as to what you should get your toddlers for Chanukah? Here’s some unhelpful advice.

Picture Perfect

In today’s digital world, how exactly do professional photo studios stay in business?

Get out the Vote

Who are you voting for this election day? I am voting for sleep.

Lone Thoughts

Being unemployed isn’t fun. There’s no one to talk to, so I end up talking to myself. A lot.

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