Turning Jew-Hatred into Jewish Strength
10 min read
As the saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Words can be misleading, their innuendos distorted. Yet, nonwith standing the inability of words to fully express reality, they evoke approximations that mirror the multidimensional lives we live.
Most everyone has been bothered by the assumed intent of another’s words. “What did he really mean by that comment?” Lacking clarity, we often misinterpret the simplest communication. We may ponder what message was conveyed by someone’s tone of voice or facial expression. “Was that a sincere ‘hello,’ or did you detect a hint of sarcasm?” It goes on and on. What was intended to be an innocent greeting can be misunderstood to mean something altogether different.
A lack of clarity can cause good will to become totally misconstrued. While we may speak a common language, accurate communication is not always a given. A word can imply different meanings to different people, either positive or negative. Very often, what we perceive in another’s words is really a reflection of our own mood or perspective. As a prism of glass refracts light, so too can our words refract meanings.
This week’s Torah portion is a study in the diverse ways that words can be interpreted. From its narrative, we come to understand the evolving characters of Yaakov and his sons. The self-fulfilling prophecies therein vividly illustrate how our words can create our realities. We learn how important it is to be deliberate in what we choose to say. As we are selective in the choice of foods that enter our mouths, so must we be ever mindful of the words that come out.
The opening word, vayeishev, implies that our patriarch Yaakov settled in the land of Canaan. Yet, another significant understanding of vayeishev suggests a process about to unfold. The root of the Hebrew verb vayeishev is shav, which means “return.” We will subsequently observe a gradual returning of each character to a higher standard of behavior and inner refinement. Each will overcome and transcend his natural inclinations to reveal a far superior version of himself.
The Torah portion is also a study in character development. Previous misdeeds will act as the catalysts for the emergence of positive character traits. Ultimately, each unique challenge will enable the progenitors of our Jewish heritage to reach unforeseen heights of spiritual greatness. From their struggles, we can realize that no matter how negative one’s actions and words may seem, we all possess the potential to redefine and transform ourselves. The human spirit aspires to overcome its inherent limitations in an ongoing struggle to control our inclinations—not be controlled by them.
Each of us has a unique calling, a distinguishing purpose. How does one discover, activate, and achieve that purpose? The lessons contained within our spiritually rich heritage can serve as our mentors.
On the journey called life, we recognize that our choices can detour us while in the pursuit of realizing our goals. Spiritual greatness may appear unattainable, only meant for an elite few among the many. But, just as a car’s GPS system will recalculate after we make a wrong turn, so too can our internal spiritual GPS change its direction. We can switch paths— choosing to move forward with resilience and determination. Alternatively, we can become stuck in one place and stagnate. Although a wrong turn was taken, nevertheless, we can regain our focus, redirect ourselves, and arrive at the place where we belong. It’s been said that a positive, productive life is likened to driving a car. One’s focus should be always looking forward, with only occasional glances backward through the rear view mirror.
There is a starting point to one’s journey and a finish line. Valuable lessons are to be learned along the way. How well we act upon what we’ve learned will determine the extent to which our inner greatness
becomes actualized or doesn’t. At the end of life’s journey, we hope to be able to view our various challenges as the stimuli that motivated our personal growth.
Although it will appear that one has indeed changed, all that will have really transpired is a gradual uncovering and revealing of who one truly is—a returning to oneself—by actualizing and illuminating one’s inner virtues, enabling them to shine through. In actuality, you will have shed the external layers that obstructed your inner essence. They will have been worn away by the challenges and struggles of life.
Your sheer inner will to reveal who you truly yearn to become can ultimately prevail and shatter a false veneer. Like a precious gem encrusted within a hard stone, one’s essence is likewise encapsulated. The process of drawing out one’s inner virtue requires much effort. It engenders a friction between who you presently are and who you aspire to become. Yet, it’s this continual tension that refines impurities and removes the sediment. Through this process, a gem eventually can emerge. It will have been cut, shaped, and shined, honed by a master’s hand.
I once heard a story of someone who wanted to understand why God is described metaphorically as a silversmith in action. The process of smelting and refining silver requires its immersion in the heat of an intense fire. While watching the silversmith, she asked the question, “How do you know at what point to remove the silver from the flame?” “It’s obvious,” he replied. “As soon as I see my own reflection in the silver, then I know that it’s ready to be removed.” From this, we can understand that life’s challenges are Divinely orchestrated to refine and to fortify us. Just as the silversmith clearly knows at what point to remove the refined silver, God keeps us in the fire until we reflect Him.
We are created in His image, meaning that we possess Divine attributes. Oftentimes these traits are brought out and developed as the result of struggles and apparent setbacks. In truth, our setbacks are actually “setups,” meant to stimulate inner growth. The end goal is to become better, not bitter. Bitter can be transformed to better by recognizing that we indeed are being put through a test. The only difference between these words is their second letter. Replacing the “I,” the sense that it’s all about me, can be what makes the difference between remaining bitter and expanding beyond oneself to become better. Being bitter is being constricted, unable to overcome one’s circumstances. It’s far better to overcome them. This engenders expansion and eventual transcendence. When dealing with provocation or with difficult relationships, it can be especially helpful to try to take yourself out of the picture, in order to better understand the situation. From the outside, it can be easier to understand someone else’s behavior. Think that it’s not about you; it’s all about the other person. Oftentimes, doing so can placate your adversary, thereby alleviating the conflict.
Life is a test that we are here to pass. It is up to each of us to determine whether or not we pass our tests with an A or with a D. Strive to become a victor, not a victim, of your challenges. Rise victoriously above any circumstance that obstructs or constricts you. The beneficial results will be worth the effort invested. All of us can become so much more.
The Torah commands that “you shall not hate your brother in your heart,”35 yet this is precisely what Yosef’s (Joseph’s) brothers did. They disliked him so intensely that they could not speak to him l’shalom, peacefully. The Hebrew word for peace, shalom, is also a greeting meaning “hello” or “goodbye.” Its Hebrew root, shalem—the letters shin, lamed, and mem—means completeness or being whole. The hatred of Yosef’s brothers was an obstruction that prevented them from even greeting their brother. Even the first step toward attaining peace—acknowledging another’s existence—could not be taken.
Yosef certainly was not blameless in contributing to his brothers’ malice. As a youth, well aware of his good looks and favored status, Yosef appeared to be a “tattletale.” His antics were downright annoying. Nevertheless, his brothers’ response was to the extreme. They viewed him only with negativity; they perceived only evil in all his actions.
It’s interesting to note that the letter vav is missing from the word l’shalom.36 Without it, the gematria, the numerical value, of each of the letters totals four hundred, corresponding to the numerical value of the words ayin ra, bad eye. This is exactly how the brothers saw Yosef. Their eyes could not see past his external behavior. They could not find any redeeming qualities in him; they saw only what they chose to see. An ayin ra blinds one from seeing the total picture of another.
In contrast, the word shalom is written in its complete form—with the vav—when Yaakov asks Yosef to seek out his brothers.37 It’s interesting to note that the word shalom also can mean “well-being.” Yosef was prepared to look into the welfare and the total well-being of his siblings. His positive response of “Hineini—Here I am” showed that he was both ready and able to follow through with his father’s request.
We can learn a powerful lesson from this, one that is applicable in all times. Appearances and behaviors are oftentimes misleading. They are fragments of what, in truth, is a greater, comprehensive whole. Our Sages teach us to strive for greater clarity.38 Take into view the entire person; consider their background, personal experiences, physical and mental capacities, and such. Since this is impossible to ascertain, we are prohibited from passing judgment on anyone. It is impossible to see more than a small section of what is truly an expansive scenario. “A man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest.”39 The way we choose to see others can reflect our own character.
View others with a “good eye” rather than with a “bad eye.” It’s a matter of altering one’s perspective to focus on the positive, while striving to ignore obvious flaws.
The blinding effects of jealousy and hatred are toxic. All communication is obstructed and marred by them. Regardless of Yosef’s actions, his broth- ers ridiculed him. Yosef was clearly in a no-win situation. When a hateful, preconceived agenda exists, one is—as the idiom goes—“damned if you do and damned if you don’t.” You will never be OK in others’ eyes if they have chosen to view you negatively.
In conclusion, we need to take steps toward attaining peace in our relationships. Each step becomes part of a greater, comprehensive com pleteness that contributes to, and ultimately achieves, a wholeness called shalom. Shalom does not mean the absence of conflict in a relationship. It signifies attaining an imperfect, yet a complete, peace. It allows for the acceptance of others as they are now, while focusing on their positive attributes.
The final line of the Kaddish prayer reads: “Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu v’al kol Yisrael v’imru amen—He who makes peace in the Heavens shall make peace among us and all Yisrael, and we say, ‘Amen.’” Fire and water are complete opposite entities, yet they coexist in the Heavens. So too, we pray to God to help us reconcile the differences that divide us for the sake of a peaceful coexistence. Peace is achieved by keeping those differences in check, and by not allowing discord to exceed defined boundaries, for the sake of a greater good.
