Vayeira 5787: Seven Years Later

GOOD MORNING! This Thursday, October 29th (18th of Cheshvan 5787 on the Hebrew calendar), marks the seventh Yahrzeit (Yiddish for “time of year,” but meaning anniversary of death) of our beloved founder, friend, and mentor Rabbi Kalman Packouz, of blessed memory.

Rabbi Packouz was an extraordinary individual; a man whose entire life revolved around helping those in need. His love for others was, perhaps, only eclipsed by his love for the Almighty. In fact, he merged those two passions by devoting his life to returning the Almighty’s wayward children back to their spiritual roots.

It was this calling that sparked his brilliantly creative mind to innovate many projects – including this weekly newsletter that he began in 1991 with a handful of fax recipients and today reaches several hundred thousand individuals around the world.

He also initiated the first 24-hour live feed camera on the Western Wall in Jerusalem, so that people could connect to Judaism’s holiest place anytime they wished and from anywhere in the world.

His days were filled with charitable acts like visiting people in the hospital and helping those in need. I remember how he laughingly relayed that he had gone to visit patients in the hospital the night before with one of his sons, and when he walked in a patient mistook him for a hospital orderly and handed him his soiled bedpan.

To his son’s astonishment, he dutifully took the bedpan to the bathroom, emptied and cleaned it, and wordlessly handed it back to the patient. He then left the room. Seeing the troubled look on his son’s face, he explained that he goes to the hospital to see what the patients need and how he can be helpful – and that was what that patient needed at the time. He said, “We then left because I didn’t want to embarrass the patient by revealing that he had just asked a rabbi to empty his bedpan.”

Rabbi Packouz was the sort of person who always felt that he was standing in the presence of the Almighty. According to the Talmud (Shabbos 133b) the highest level of serving the Almighty is to become God-like. Just as God is full of grace and compassion, we too must be full of grace and compassion. This is not unlike author Charles Caleb Colton’s observation that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” In other words, we imitate what we admire.

We find in this week’s Torah portion that God Himself came to visit with Abraham, and the sages explain that the Almighty was engaging in “bikkur cholim – visiting the sick” (see Sotah 14a) (in a prior edition I show how the sages extract this insight through from a careful reading of the verses in the Torah – linked here).

This week’s Torah portion opens with the Almighty visiting with Abraham after his painful circumcision. God saw that even though Abraham was suffering physically, he was even more pained by the fact that there were no travelers on the road for him to lavish hospitality upon – known as the mitzvah of hachnasass orchim (inviting guests into one’s home).

Thus, God summoned three “men” to come and visit with Abraham. The great Biblical commentator known as Rashi (18:2) informs us that these “men” were actually angels and that each was charged with a specific task. According to the Talmud (Bava Metzia 86b), the angel Michael came to inform Sarah that she would give birth; Gabriel came to overturn the wicked city Sedom; and Raphael came to heal Abraham from his circumcision.

This seems a little odd. After all, the Almighty Himself came to visit Abraham to do bikkur cholim. Ostensibly, this would seem to be the highest level of “medical care” that one could hope to receive. What possible reason could there have been to also send the angel Raphael to heal Abraham?

One of the more underappreciated aspects of recovering from any kind of physical trauma is considering the recovery of the emotional state of the patient. Clinical research has shown that psychological care can support physical recovery, with many studies demonstrating improvements in wound healing and postoperative outcomes. In other words, physical recovery is greatly aided by the patient’s emotional state and a positive attitude.

There are two aspects to healing: 1) recovering from the actual physical trauma to the body and managing the pain and 2) restoring the patient’s proper emotional state, which has been affected negatively from a diminished sense of self. Undoubtedly, the latter is obviously very much exacerbated by the current medical environment where most patients are treated like an object, or worse, a science project. The significant indignities (hospital gowns, bed pans, curtain separators, etc.) suffered in that environment have a strong and deleterious effect on a patient’s emotional state because of the terrible impact to one’s sense of self.

The Almighty visited Abraham not to heal his physical body or to help manage his pain. This is, after all, the domain in which the angel Raphael was appointed. Rather, God came to visit Abraham to restore Abraham’s sense of self. If the Almighty comes to visit you then you are clearly a “big deal.”

God’s presence conveyed something deeply personal: You matter. You are precious to Me, and you have an important role in My plan. That reassurance was a form of healing. Knowing that one matters renews the desire to recover, and that emotional strength greatly aids in speeding up the healing process.

This is the real point of bikkur cholim and, unfortunately, often overlooked. All too often, when we go to visit someone who is ill the visit is performed perfunctorily; that is, the person visiting makes some “small talk” for a few moments and then begins to ignore the patient. They may be in the room but they’re watching television, talking to other visitors, or answering phone calls, texts, and emails. They are not truly present and do not convey that the patient matters to them.

This reminds me of the following joke. A man visits a friend in the hospital and settles into the chair beside his bed. He begins to complain about the traffic that he encountered on the way and the local politicians who are doing nothing about it. This, of course, leads him to pontificate about politics in general and the uselessness of Congress. Then he suddenly and inexplicably veers into listing a litany of his problems with his contractor and the kitchen renovation, which is costing three time what it should.

An hour passes. Finally, the patient closes his eyes. “Oh,” says the visitor, “you must be tired. Shall I leave? “No, no,” whispers the patient. “Please stay.” “Are you sure?”

"Yes. I want you to wait until the doctor comes in. Hopefully he’ll see how much I’m suffering and give me something much stronger to manage my pain.”

We are instructed to follow the Almighty’s example of bikkur cholim. We must make sure the patient feels valued and that they understand that your visit is all about them; convey that you care about them and that they are important to you. At the end of the day, your job as a visitor is to restore the patient’s sense of self. Only then are you following in the ways of the Almighty and actually participating in the healing process.

This concern for the welfare of others was the hallmark of Rabbi Packouz’s life. He was one of the kindest and most generous people you could ever hope to meet. When he gently asked me if I would continue his life’s work of producing the Shabbat Shalom, I had no idea what a gift he was actually bestowing upon me, and I am eternally grateful for the opportunity. It is almost shocking to me that I am about to complete seven years of the weekly column; the time has really flown by quickly.

To his everlasting credit, the Shabbat Shalom Fax of Life has continued to grow by leaps and bounds; reaching some 300,000 people all over the world each week. It is also now available in Portuguese, Spanish, and French. May it be the will of the Almighty that in the merit of the millions whom he inspired during his lifetime and through his legacy his pure and holy soul will find this accomplishment to be an everlasting source of satisfaction.

I enjoin all who benefit from the Shabbat Shalom Fax of Life to dedicate the 18th of Cheshvan as a day of going out of your way to do something special for others. My beloved friend, of blessed memory, loved people in general, and especially his fellow Jews. Anything you do for others will act as a remembrance of his holy soul and will be a credit to how he led with his life. His Hebrew name is Rabbi Kalman Moshe ben Reuven Avigdor. May his memory be a blessing to us all. Amen.

Vayeira, Genesis 18:1 - 22:24

Abraham on the third day after his circumcision (brit mila), sits outside his tent looking for guests to extend his hospitality. While talking with the Almighty, he sees three visitors (actually angels of the Almighty). Abraham interrupts his conversation with the Almighty to invite them to a meal. One angel informs him that in a year’s time his wife, Sarah, will give birth to a son, Isaac (Yitzchak).

God tells Abraham that He is going to destroy Sodom because of its absolute evil (the city is the source of the word sodomy). Abraham argues with God to spare Sodom if there can be found ten righteous people in Sodom. Abraham loses for the lack of a quorum. Lot (Abraham’s nephew) escapes the destruction with his two daughters.

Other incidents: Avimelech, King of the Philistines, wants to marry Sarah (Abraham’s wife), the birth of Isaac, the eviction of Hagar (Abraham’s concubine) and Ishmael. Avimelech and Abraham make a treaty at Beersheva. Abraham is commanded to take up his son, Isaac, as an offering “on one of the mountains” (Akeidat Yitzchak). Lastly, the announcement of the birth of Rebecca (Rivka), the future wife of Isaac.

Do you want to know the reward for listening to the command of the Almighty? This is what the Almighty told Abraham: “[…] I shall surely bless you and greatly increase your descendants like the stars of the heavens and like the sand on the seashore; and your offspring shall inherit the gate of its enemy. And all the nations of the earth shall bless themselves by your offspring, because you have listened to My voice.”