Vampire Weekend's Surprising Jewish Stories
5 min read
As sparks fly between Fay and Shaya, here are five valuable pieces of dating wisdom.
In dating, just like in life, sometimes things just don’t work out. And other times, we make connections that surprise and excite us. In episode five of Jewish Matchmaking, Aleeza’s clients experience both of these outcomes along their dating journey.
Dani and David were talking almost every day while apart. As soon as they reconnected in the same city, things took a turn for the worse.
She expresses frustration over David’s lack of follow up. He didn’t respect her time. At one point he even said, “Dani I don’t feel like making plans. So you can just pick where we are going for lunch and I will show up.”
Although Dani admits that there was chemistry, she isn’t impressed with his lack of motivation. “I’m over it,” she says. She needs someone who cares enough to make an effort. David didn’t show up to Dani’s birthday party.
Despite his potentially valid excuse, Dani felt that he kept pushing off plans, so she broke it off. “You and I are not going to work. I felt disrespected. It’s not something I’m going to entertain.”
He tells her that he didn’t really think they were a good match. Their religious levels don’t align and he doesn’t party as much as she does. David still wants to get together with her as friends, and perhaps with benefits.
Dani is shocked and hurt by this statement. “David can go bye-bye.”
Noah meets Eliana, who is from Florida and loves to travel. Their values align, both generally and religiously, and they have compatible personalities.
They go horse sledding and later to a restaurant. Noah expressed how tough it is to live in Wyoming without a Jewish community.
Noah opens up about his past and his son who is soon to have a Bar Mitzvah.
Eliana is open minded and genuine. She wants to have as many children as God gives.
She tells Noah she is looking for a committed guy. He’s hopeful, and feels a connection with Eliana.
Eliana thinks Noah is nice but it’s a no-go for her. She doesn’t see potential because he is a small town guy and she has more of a city vibe.
Aleeza gently lets him know that Eliana is no longer interested. However, she has a new proposal for him.
The scene opens with Fay and her mother discussing her potential date with Shaya.
Aleeza explains that within Orthodox Jewish matchmaking, parents are an integral part of the process. The mother or father is the one to call matchmakers and references for dates.
When Shaya arrives, Fay’s mother opens the door and is the one to greet him. Fay does not come down until his mother has vetted him.
Shaya and Fay go out to a restaurant and he makes Fay laugh until her abs hurt.
Fay verbalized that she is looking for someone successful, who has clarity and ambition.
They both have a great time together and they decide to go out again. When Shaya drops her off he explains with a skip in his step, “That was the best date of my life!”
1. Internal characteristics are number one. The beginning of one scene features an older man giving his best dating advice to find a good spouse. “Look for a spouse who is good hearted. Health and wealth will all come but a good heart is number one.”
2. Respect your date’s time. Do not show up late and don’t flake out on your commitments. Do not pretend to pursue or lead them on if you are not interested.
3. Know when to walk away. When dating, one must find a balance between being open to different kinds of people and finding someone who aligns with your core values. If you do not match up with your date’s religious level or key lifestyle choices, for example, it is okay to decide that the necessary compatibility is not there and respectfully part ways.
4. Sometimes people self-soothe from rejection with retaliation and anger. Dani may have every right to feel angry, but focusing on how horrible the other person is does not help her move forward in a positive way. Just because the other person is not interested does not mean he or she is bad.
5. “Friends with benefits” doesn’t work. This type of connection often leaves one or both parties confused. Typically, someone desires a deeper level of commitment and the physical connection often creates a mirage of closeness that isn’t really there. With physical touch comes emotional connection, even if we try our best to separate the two.
Click here to meet Aleeza Ben Shalom in Sarah Pachter's interview with the star of Jewish Matchmaking. Watch as they review dating tips and discuss the Netflix series.
Click here for the recap of Episode 1
Click here for the recap of Episode 2
Click here for the recap of Episode 3
Click here for the recap of Episode 4
