You Know More Hebrew Words Than You Think
5 min read
What you can do to begin the healing process and find strength to move on.
So you just went through a big breakup.
I gave three years of my life to this guy. Now I’m 31, and right back where I started.
He promised to propose but never came through.
She kept saying she wanted to get married…eventually.
Now what?
Here’s what you can do to feel more in control, begin the healing process, and find strength to move on.
It might be tempting to remain friends or continue to have a texting relationship, but this can backfire. It may sound counterintuitive, but stopping contact is your best move if there is any hope of rekindling the relationship.
Why does this work?
Remaining friends allows the other person to maintain an emotional connection without any obligations. If there is any prospect of getting back together, cutting ties forces the other person to make a choice: if he or she wants your time and emotional energy, then that person will have to commit.
When he doesn’t have the option of texting when he feels lonely or calling to hang out, he’ll begin to understand what life without you feels like.
If the other person has doubts about the breakup and can’t reach out on a whim, he’s forced to really think about what being with you—or without you—really means.
And if there is no chance of reviving the relationship, cutting things off completely will help you move forward faster.
In order to fully heal, you need to address the needs of your body, mind, and soul. Below are some ideas to soothe each part of yourself.
Grieving a loss or breakup can be physically painful to the body. They don’t call it a “broken heart” for no reason. In fact, sometimes after a breakup, people experience Broken Heart Syndrome, which can physically affect the heart.1
It’s natural to criticize yourself for having trouble moving on, but choose self-compassion instead and treat yourself like you would a best friend by practicing self-care.2
You may not think of exercise and nutritious choices as part of healing from a breakup, but both are crucial to feel better. Additionally, do something that brings you pleasure each day. It may be getting a manicure, massage, or even just enjoying a coffee or lunch out with a friend.
Self-care can promote feelings of empowerment within you. This is the best time to tell yourself how much you love yourself. Taking care of yourself physically is a prerequisite to spiritual and emotional growth. The body needs to be happy before it will agree to go along with whatever growth the mind and soul is trying to accomplish.
Our thoughts control our emotions, so thinking healthy and happy thoughts can help soothe us more than we realize.
Negative thinking wreaks havoc on our body and affects your emotions. If you can control what you think about, you can improve your emotional energy.
Creating distance from your ex is crucial in helping your mind move forward. You may want to remove memorabilia and other cues from your surroundings to help yourself heal. You can also take a mini vacation, have a “letting go” ceremony, or write a letter you don’t send to create closure.
Stay away from social media. If you find yourself continuously checking his or her status, find a different outlet to channel that energy. Help your mind overcome obsessive or cyclical thoughts by reading or watching stimulating material that has nothing to do with that person.
Consider reaching out to a therapist or dating coach to help you move forward from the experience. They can help with tools to help your mind break the chain of cyclical thinking, flashbacks, or other negative thoughts.
Remember that you are a soul with a body. Even though the relationship didn’t last, you are still worthy and lovable because you have a Godly soul inside you.
The soul longs for connection, and when you end a relationship, that connection is compromised. Now is the time to cultivate and tap into your inner essence. You can feed your soul to help you grow from the experience, rather than remain stagnant or move backwards.
Try meditating or praying, giving charity, or saying a special prayer of thanks. Volunteering feeds your soul and doubles as a distraction mechanism. Utilize this time to deepen your connection with God and focus on the fact that He knows what’s best and that “rejection is the best form of protection.”
Resist jumping back into the dating world right away. Time helps you heal, forgive, and move forward. You may feel angry, bewildered, and unable to imagine life without your ex (especially if you just spent years together), but time does heal. Allow yourself space to recover.
Give yourself room to sit with your emotions instead of pushing them away. Constantly avoiding your emotions can prevent you from truly letting go of them. Try staying in the present through mindfulness practices. Staying present helps your pain have less control over you.
It may seem impossible now, but you can move forward from a failed relationship. Cutting off contact, nourishing your mind, body, and soul, and utilizing time wisely can transform the process into one of growth instead of stagnation and sadness. Good luck on this journey, and remember, you are lovable and worthy of a great relationship!
If the relationship was your "first love", you will hold on to it forever. Because no one else will be the "first." It's normal. True for both men and women.