An Open Letter to University Presidents
7 min read
Radical ideology has the power to end even the closest of friendships.
Like many people, I met two of my closest friends while in college. Initially, we got along through commiserating with each other over some assignment or annoying classmate, perhaps the humdrum of jobs relegated to college students. Eventually, we became very close, and I gladly hosted them for late-night hangouts and even Jewish holidays, like Passover. A novel experience for two people who’d never had a Jewish best friend before — or perhaps just a Jewish friend at all.
Over our decade of friendship, they would come to learn about my family’s history — particularly my grandfather’s story as a Holocaust survivor. They were there when I met my Israeli boyfriend. They were there when I moved to Israel. And I was there when they started a Pagan business and began using non-binary pronouns. When they had graduation parties and started proudly promoting communism. When they declared ACAB – all cops are bastards in support of Black Lives Matter.
It didn’t matter whether or not I agreed with their political beliefs because they were two of my closest friends.
It didn’t matter whether or not I agreed with their political beliefs because they were two of my closest friends. I’d known them since I was 18, after all. You can’t just throw friendship like that away over political disagreements. Admittedly, they weren’t so extreme when I met them, but they were still good people.
That’s what I told myself year after year. And while I was an openly Zionist, proud Jew (you couldn’t walk into our house without the hamsas practically slapping you in the face), I never really pressed them on their opinions of Israel. Partly because I thought they were too afraid to be honest with me, and partly because I knew the truth of what they were too afraid to say.
Until October 7 happened.
In the wake of the barbaric terror attacks in Israel, I wrote about my experience on October 7 and my perspective of the resulting war and geopolitical situation. This article — unrestrained in detailing my political beliefs and frustrations — incensed my two friends to finally reveal their opinions about Israel.
How did they do it? Through social media.
I was enraged and disgusted when they smeared Israel with accusations of genocide before October was even out. How they posted in honor of every single Palestinian martyr. When they claimed Israel stole the bodies of Palestinian children for propaganda. And worst of all, when they posted that the hostages are “waving, smiling and showing positive emotions toward Hamas.” And for what? Because their best friend — who easily could have been one of the unlucky souls kidnapped, raped, or murdered — told her experience of that tragic day.
If you don’t fit into the moral picture declared supreme by the tribe… you get the boot. Even if you’ve been friends for a decade.
Their moral depravity and cowardice had me seething, but I was far from surprised. Everything they stood for and made their lives about was perfectly in line with radical leftist idealism, and when someone subscribes to an ideology, regardless of where it falls on the political spectrum, it can rapidly descend into tribalism. And if you don’t fit into the moral picture declared supreme by the tribe… you get the boot. Even if you’ve been friends for a decade.
A study in the American Journal of Political Science by authors Peter K. Hatemi, Charles Crabtree, and Kevin B. Smith demonstrates that moral beliefs are more likely a result of political ideology, and not the other way around. This explains why, intuitively, I wasn't all that surprised by my friends’ betrayal, because the radical political Left openly vilifies Israel. It also explains why Jews are uniquely susceptible to the ideological hate dominating both sides of the political spectrum, especially considering antisemitism seems to fit the horseshoe theory claiming both extreme ends of the political spectrum are actually closely aligned as opposed to stark opposites. With morality shaped by ideological belief, extremists depict Jews not only as “other,” but as evil.
On the far Left, Jews, and by extension Israel, are seen as the domineering, capitalist oppressors — a notion that fits seamlessly into their victim-victimizer worldview where everything is about power. On the far Right, Jews are sneaky parasites masquerading as white people, seeking to replace true white people. But that is possibly where the differences on the far Left and Right end in regards to antisemitism. Extremes on both sides, being more prone to belief in conspiracy theories, are therefore more likely to believe in the same antisemitic tropes. According to the ADL, people who tend toward belief in conspiracy theories endorse 3.8 times more antisemitic tropes.
The belief that Jews hold too much power in politics, in Hollywood, in the media, on Wall Street — these are all classic features of antisemitism on the far Left and Right. The obsessive fixation on Jews and money, which dates back to Medieval times, is particularly pervasive. All of this culminates in a general distrust, dislike, or hatred of Jews, contributing to the ADL’s new finding that “more than 42% of Americans either have friends/family who dislike Jews (23.2%) or find it socially acceptable for a close family member to support Hamas (27.2%).”
With numbers like that, it’s hard for Jews to know who can be trusted. After my friends revealed how deeply antisemitic they are, I couldn’t help but silently wonder about my other friends. Who else was secretly fostering antisemitic beliefs? Who else would propagate lies about Israel that directly translate into violence against Jews? Who else cared so little whether we Jews lived or died so as to contribute to that violence?
October 7 has forced many Jews to look around and wonder if they’re among true friends.
The answer? No one. As it turns out, the very act of publishing the article that had incensed my two radical friends in the first place — the unabashed expression of my beliefs — served as the perfect shield. All I was left with were the friends who truly valued my life. And the relief in knowing that you are surrounded by people with genuine intentions and love for you — not having to wonder whether they’d hide you or drag you by your throat to the Nazis in the 1940’s — that feeling is ineffable. It’s a gift.
October 7 has forced many Jews to look around and wonder if they’re among true friends. It’s a scary prospect to think those you love couldn’t care less if you live or die — to consider that just maybe your intuition isn’t as strong as their deceit is deft. But the thing about radical ideology is just that, it’s radical, and radicalism is never silent for long, particularly in the face of confrontation.
I still have friends with political perspectives I disagree with, but now I hold nothing back. I challenge them on their opinions of Israel. I remind them of the reality of living here. I mince no words on my opinions of DEI initiatives and I don’t care if I offend someone by telling my truthful experience of war.
For many reasons, we can’t afford to shy away from uncomfortable conversations, specifically about Israel and antisemitism, but as a Jew in the diaspora, it’s the only way to ensure the people who still remain in your life are the ones who value it.
I am completely devastated because my son is engaged to a non-Jewish girl who was posting Pro Palestine memes on Instagram. I called her out and she stopped posting, but I feel like I can’t even discuss it with my son. He’s been with her for many years and he doesn’t want to get in the middle. So I have to let it all go and pretend it didn’t happen. I don’t know what else to do. They are both very educated, my son went to NYU and my daughter-in-law went to Princeton. But I feel they’ve both been so brainwashed that no matter what I do, they’re not going to know the context and it’s not going to help.
Very well stated! Although, I am not Jewish I found myself at loggerheads with multiple friends and acquaintances as they spouted false things about Israel post October 7 the west owes Israel and her people much. We also have an obligation to support Israel and stabilize the region! Sam Harris and Bari Weiss have made some excellent podcasts on the topic as well.
Way to go Abigal. So proud of you for writing and publishing this! Keep up the good work. You are the voice for so many of us.
Great article. Many people don't read, don't know history and don't watch credible news. A political group I know, interviewed dozens of 20 somethings recently at a Pride Parade in FL who said they don't watch the news as they "work" and have "other interests." So they are swept away by the latest cause that catches their eye and is popular. Remember when the environment was all the rage? Try to get anyone to talk about that now. As a member of a Democratic FB political group, I have smoked out a few Jew haters who others saw as merely pro-Palestinian. By asking a few questions, I backed the haters into a corner and then let the others kick them to the curb.
Well written and well said!
Sadly I have lost a childhood friend of almost 60 years- because despite the fact that our parents were good friends and she came to our house for Shabbat prayers and meals..and I went to her Church for her confirmation…she has chosen to call the terrorists “ freedom fighters”. Needless to say I spoke out in no uncertain terms as to what I thought of those murderers and damned all those who ever supported them.
At this stage in my life, I have no patience and no tolerance for people who have never been to Israel and yet can espouse the cause of a race of people who are determined to obliterate the Jewish nation and it’s people. Study the history of the region, visit Auschwitz, go live in a society that has no respect for women. Shame on you!!
As a counselor - I found that to varying degrees - over the many years - this kind of experience - has happened to not only many Jews - but in some ways - to those of other beliefs - color - or country. Generally - due to past societal discretions & morality - it didn't manifest too overtly. However - watching as the fairly rapid moral restraints & subliminal moral decay in movies - TV - and other media began - it has opened pandoras box - to release all the insidious inhibitions & restraints - and encouraging open aggressive - expression of hateful thoughts & feelings. Throughout this time - most Jews - & those experiencing the hate mongers - seemed to fold inward - hoping to avoid - being afflicted. Instead - we should have been teaching our Jewish History to them.
I understand the schism among friends following Oct.7, or even other Jews, but how do you deal with family members? My dear brother--I have only one now--fully supports the Palestinians and totally rejects Israel as an entity. He is very well read, except that he reads only articles that support what he already believes. He accuses me of reading articles from "biased" sources. (The old argument--what you read is propoganda, what I read is the truth.) He finally has stopped emailing me anti-Israel screeds and I have told him that he can think what he wants, but I reserve that right for myself as well. We must just agree to disagree. While I have some serious problems with the Israeli government, there is no question that I totally stand with Israel's right to exist.
I am a conservative Jew who also rides motorcycles so most of my friends are not Jewish. I have yet to find even one who does not support Israel and what the country stands for. We are all pro American and salute our flag and know the words to the Pledge of Allegiance. Both of my parents were first generation Americans whose parents told them in detail about their lives in Russia and Ukraine and Belarus. They instilled a love of America and Israel that is unshakable. I am also a proud Army Veteran.
Lady,you are well rid of these 2 dirtbags.
I am the child of Holocaust survivors, a member of the Second Generation
When I was quiet young my mother told me how friends and neighbors stood by clapping and smiling as the Jews were taken away
While I had cordial relations with non Jewish colleagues all my friends were/are Jewish.
I also knew a Jewish non religious doctor who got engaged to a non Jewish woman. During a big argument she showed her true colors when she called him a dirty Jew.
Congratulations, your article will reinforce the cognitive dissonance and wilful blindness on this subject of most readers of Aish. You completely ignore about half of the Irsraeli population and perhaps more in the diaspora that are dijusted with the Netanyahu Government, and more so with the alt-right parties that prop it up. The actions of the Zionist Settler Parties are the most odious.
PM Golda Meir - I can forgive the terrorists yet I cannot forgive the Jews that copy and perpetuate the same behaviours.
All four of my grandparents were culled within the first days of the Nazis entering their locations. Yes, they were prominent, wealthy, and educated. My progeny is the sixth generation in the legal arena.
Hide your narccism and allow other Jews to be progressive. 2 wrongs
Why should any normal Jew remain friends with those who support Hamas?
Makes about as much sense as Jews being friends with supporters of the Nazi Party in the 1920's and 30's.
Silly comment all around.
None of your rambling has anything to do with the author's article.
Dear Abigail Letson,
My sincere thanks for the comfort your article has given me. I too have suffered the loss of a long time friendship who was present when one of the most shocking and disgusting antisemitic remarks was thrown at me. Not only did he say nothing - but refused to discuss my concerns and abruptly ended a fifty year family friendship. I am a proud Jewish woman - annoyed with myself for not reading the signs - but your article has shown me the light, and for this I truly thank you.
I understand this perfectly, I had nurtured a friendship with two Iranian Shia Muslims, very devote, kind hearted guys who knew I was Jewish but not real religious until October 7th happened! After that, I rededicated myself to my Jewish faith. This caused a rift in our relationship and eventually we stopped talking to each other. October 7th changed EVERYTHING!!! Not a single Jew in Israel or diaspora wasn’t affected in some way by those atrocities.
Take it from grandpa - graduated High School 54 years ago, with some SDS and Weathermen. Your'e better off without them early - avoid decades of trying to reconcile the unreconcilable.
If you want to hold on you friendships, you have to hide your political affiliations. Each of us think our beliefs are the correct ones and many of us can’t accept someone else’s feelings or understanding. If you are on my side you’re against me. Unfortunately it happens too often
Great article. So depressing. I’ve stood up for every liberal cause for years. And to hear “liberals” propagate Hamas propaganda destroys me. The ultimate irony is that protesting against Israel, in favor of a people and ideology (Hamas, Hamas’ charter) that would destroy THEM (the liberals) is the biggest ideological inconsistency. I’m done supporting liberal causes and wasting my time. It’s also time to move past the oppressor:oppressed framework for every single issue on the planet. Notably, applying western identity politics to the middle east makes liberals the biggest hypocrites and makes them western-centric.
I also don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the assertion that Israel is committing a “genocide”. Have they read Hamas’ charter? It’s openly genocidal towards Jews.
This is an extremely well-written article. The only thing it fails to mention is that EVEN JEWS who are Progressive are so brainwashed that they have joined the Progressive choir in AT THE LEAST blaming Israel for a "non-commensurate" response in Gaza.
(In my opinion these Progressive Jews are traitors to their own people, but that is a discussion for another time.)
The article resonated with me because - as an admitted (and proud) "hard core" - albeit somewhat secular - Zionist, I've found myself isolated except for one long-time (non-Jewish) friend who's with me - and Israel - 100%, 24/7. Unfortunately, my wife, adult kids and some friends think I'm a zealot. That "all I care about is Israel." But what's wrong with that when it comes to Jewish survival?
I'll add that almost all of the egregious Jew-hatred and pro-terror animus emanates from the left - so let's not kid ourselves when discussing the ideological roots of this festering disease!
Finally: How about a hearty 'God bless America' and a salute to what has made Israel great >>> God, Guts and Guns!!! (GO IDF - GET'R DONE!)
Good article, but I find the title a tad inappropriate because – in a sense – the writer's friends did die: they're as good as dead to the truth!
Like all Jew haters, they willingly swallow anti-Semitic tropes (or create new ones) until they can't recognize fact from fiction even if it hit them right between their short-sighted eyes.
In this case, her "friends" would sooner follow the mindless loud crowd who accept Hamas' outright lies about "Israel's genocide" of "innocent civilians" when that's precisely what these vile terrorists (vainly!) wish to accomplish, as they've repeatedly declared.
But why bother to look into the real story when it's so much easier and popular to hate the Jews who have such an annoying habit of surviving every atrocity perpetrated against them, b"H!
Should’ve dropped them much earlier. There’re no good communists. They are so brainwashed that personal loyalty means nothing to them, their ideology trumps everything else
Good advice. The earlier the better. Save years of grief.
Sad but very good article. What surprises me is that there are also many Jews or Jews with both Jewish and non Jewish relatives (like me), who believe in some conspiracies about Jews. I have had some members of my family think that Jews in Hollywood “run it” and some high up in government doing some bad things. Also “Ashkenazi Jews” are not genuine.
It’s painful and sad because they are convinced. I really don’t think it’s coming from hate, but being anti government etc.
I’m the only one who is proud of my Jewish heritage but feel alone in this respect with some of my family.
May the redemption come now! 🇮🇱
Amen
"I never really pressed them on their opinions of Israel. Partly because I thought they were too afraid to be honest with me, and partly because I knew the truth of what they were too afraid to say."
A huge number of us have had these types of friendships. "Friends" we could not mention Israel to, and for whom we lied to ourselves as to why we couldn't mention Israel.
This is why a proper Jewish education is so important.I'm often astonished how intelligent Jews seem blind to their own heritage and after so many thousands of years of persecution still insist on attempting to assimilate and befriend non Jews.
Wake up people! When push comes to shove,They Don't Like You.So stop trying to squeeze your way into somewhere you are not wanted.Stop scrabbling for acceptance and stick with your own.There's around 18 million of us.I'm sure somebody will be your friend.
We are good enough.
Simple as.
Excellent response. We are good enough!!! Why try to fit in where you don’t belong?!?!?!
Psychologically when mankind tries too hard to impress and or forcing one0self into any unwelcomed relationship it's always a lost cause.
Unfortunately it's the DNA of humans regardless of religion.
Rea
I also had to unfriend somebody that I knew for over 40 years. I was posting a lot of pro-Israel pro-Judaism memes on Facebook. Finally, she decided to hijack one of those posts, and she revealed herself to be an insane raving anti-semite. A few friends of mine argued with her, and they made a fool of herself, but she kept on posting. After pointing out her not saying anything against what happened on October 7, in a "throw her under the bus" type comment, I unfriended her. When she found out that I did that, she messaged me, wanting to know why. I told her that I undfriended her because she's an anti-semite. She replied denying it, I replied by answering "GOODBYE ANDREA!" Then she showed herself to be cyber-stalking me, so I blocked her.
What a great read. I loved the writing and learned few important lessons. Thank you for writing this.
Spot on analysis.
Great article.it touched me a lot as I had same situation with a closed non Jewish friend.
She is not antisemitic at all but pro palestinian
The way I see it, being pro-Palestinian today means being antisemitic.
Quite Correct!
To quote Bari Weiss, quoting her friend, Alana, at Weiss’s 92nd Street Y address: “… the only thing worse than a dumb Jew is a surprised Jew.”
Couldn't agree more.With all due respect one would think Jews were stupid judging by the shock and surprise when the world turns on them.
We are not here for a picnic.
This is an excellent article, and sadly telling of how so many of Jewish people get left int he cold by both the left and the right. I think you hit on the head how the far left views everything as a simple minded regression to "oppressed and oppressor." Like the far right, accurate facts, history, science etc.. will not easily be entertained and deviation from the group think is rejected loudly and sometimes violently. This is two cults - one on each side. They have taken over the discourse of sane people.
Sane people are at a disadvantage because they do not want confrontation. So they quietly tolerate the insane views of the purple haired queer for Palestine just as they say nothing when their uncle denies climate change or that brown immigrants might be people with human rights
We would like to hold on to old friendships from youth for sentimental reasons. But those friendships were made before we our core beliefs were discovered and embraced. Essentially we are different people than we were in our youth. It is inevitable that these friendships will end when tested by ideological differences
Giovanni- I agree with your statement 0ne billion percent!
Thank you, Rea
I guess sometimes it takes an incident like October 7th for people to show their "true" selves. In my opinion, you are FAR better off without former friends like these. Personally, I probably would have started the distancing from them when they came out as communist simps who are "non-binary", whatever that means.
I can relate to your situation, as my wife and I have gone through an incident where close personal (and professional!) friends "walked away" from long-term friendships. In my case, it was even tougher as mutual close friends remained friends with them for a time... until the former friends pulled the same shenanigans on them. In the long run, I've decided that I am better off without them in our life.
One of the greatest disappointments and shock of my life is that so many Jewish people in America are not whole heartedly supporting Israel. One friend said she was "mad" at Israel (presumably bc of the collateral damage to civilians & that was perhaps 2 weeks after October 7, another said she didn't want to discuss Israel bc it was "political". These were Jewish people. Another person said the Israeli situation was "depressing". I believe that for many Jewish people who have been ardent supporters of such groups as Black Lives Matter, the Women's movement or diversity, equity , inclusion" to support Israel would mean a rejection of their liberal beliefs, and they've chosen the road they wish to go down. For many people, politics trumps (no pun intended) religion unfortunately.
The truth is, Leftism is a religion all its own. It's more restrictive and totalitarian than any other belief system in existence. It doesn't allow for differences, in any form. If one even sniffs of believing differently than their tenets of immorality, the gnashing of teeth begins. Leftists eventually eat their own.
I, too, lost a friend over the fact that I support Israel. Although I am sad as she was my last link to my dear aunt, I am resolute in my support of Israel and the Jewish people. I am a Christian married to a Jew. I was reared on a small farm in southeast Georgia, where I was taught that Jews are God's chosen people and that whatever I did, I must always protect the Jewish people. Although I heard this from my great-grandparents when I was five years old, it still resonates with me today. I am horrified at the blatant hatred shown toward the Jewish people and Israel. I am extremely disappointed in Biden's policy and lack of support for Israel; therefore, I am doing everything I can to get him out of office.
Thank you for your staunch support!
Excellent article. The writing style is great. It is also a tragic story. I was raised as a Christian (I still am), and I was taught that our faith comes from the Jewish people; after all, Jesus was a Jew. I despise antisemitism and speak out against it whenever I can. My heart goes out to you.
That's interesting.I wasn't aware Christian's raised children like that. Nice.
I have a friend whose Grandparents were Holocaust survivors from eastern Europe. She told me the devout Christians were the one's Jews could depend on. Many of the Righteous among the nations were devout Christians. The real stinkers were the Communists/Socialists.
Why are you surprised?If Jews can raise people who can start the biggest business in the world (religion) Christians are definitely able to raise Biden’s who ????????????
One of the BEST articles written on this topic—thank you!
Jewish lives matter too!! Where were the tears for our people? Tears for Syrians, Bosnians, Ukrainians, etc., exceot not for Jews?? Am Yisrael Chai! Soeak up, Stand up & Be Priud!!
I agree with you 100%. Jews were out marching in support of everyone……except other Jews. Shame on them!