Vampire Weekend's Surprising Jewish Stories
9 min read
What do you mean, no touching??
In episode 2 of Jewish Matchmaking, we continue to follow Dani, Harmonie and Ori on their dating journey. And a new character, Cindy, is introduced.
The scene opens with the first date of Adi and Ori. Marrying someone who wants to live in LA is part of Ori’s criteria. So, he was thrilled when Adi mentioned that she is actualizing a dream of hers to move to LA to pursue a career in acting. Ori feels comfortable with Adi and finds her physically attractive.
When he reveals that he lives at home and works with his mom, the red flag is raised for Adi. Nevertheless, they feel comfortable with each other; their Israeli commonality helps them understand each other’s mindset. They agree to go out again.
The scene flips to Dani who is debriefing with friends. She explains that she is not sure about the chemistry between her and David. She admits that there were some awkward moments, but thinks he is good looking and that there is potential – especially because he has good brows!
Her friends explain, and she concedes, that Dani always goes for the bad boys who don’t want to commit, which causes her to ignore the red flags. She gets stuck in relationships that were never intended to last and ultimately, she gets hurt. They suggest that she be upfront in what she wants and what she’s looking for.
Next, Harmonie is about to go on her first blind date with Aron. She calls Aleeza via Facetime to get encouragement. Aleeza makes three suggestions:
Harmonie can’t believe Aleeza’s last suggestion. No touching?!
Aleeza explains the Jewish concept of “shomer negia”, holding back from touching until you’re married.
“No touching, no handshake, no pat on the back… no physical touching. The purpose is to keep the physical part of the relationship waiting until the holiness of the marriage comes together. I am trying to have you guys touch hearts.”
She further explains, “If there is no physical glue holding you together, then there is value-based glue that's holding your relationship together.”
Since passion is a must for Harmonie, this advice is tailor-made. Aleeza coaches Harmonie, “I want a real connection for you. I’m committed to you finding love.”
Harmonie feels that Aleeza really “gets her.” However, when she meets Aron she breaks all the rules Aleeza suggests. “I broke every rule! We spoke about exes, marriage, kids… I brought up all of that. Whatever she said not to do, I did.”
Aron is an older guy who lives in Vermont and is a professor of architecture and dean of one of the colleges. He has a “nerdy” almost boring vibe according to Harmonie and she wonders if chemistry can build. Harmonie admits she would have never swiped right on this guy but is open minded about dating him.
In reflecting about the date, Harmonie makes a strong point about the struggle of being single in her later years. When her father got sick and as her grandmother was aging she had many trials. It was at that moment she realized she had no support system to get her through it. “I had a moment where I realized I could do it all alone, but I don’t want to.”
Aron was divorced in 2010 and believes that a soulmate happens when “you find someone you want to put the work in for.”
Harmonie feels like they connect on an intellectual level but doesn’t feel much more than that.
In this episode, we also meet Aleeza’s husband, Gershon, while she cuts his hair after a haircut strike of six months. Both she and her husband became observant later in life. They have been married for 20 years, have five kids and a dog and withstood a recent move to Israel.
A new character is introduced in this episode, Cindy. She recently moved to Israel from Los Angeles despite her parents' warnings against it. They said that the only way a person can move to Israel is if they have one of three things: a husband, money, or a job.
Cindy has none of those but moves anyway.
She explains a dating truism about online dating: “If you match with 100 guys, only 50 will respond. Then from those 50, only 30 will respond a second time. Of the thirty who responded twice, only 15 will keep talking. Ten will call, and you will actually go out with five. Only two of the five will be what you are looking for. And two quickly becomes ZERO. That's dating online.”
She calls on Aleeza because she feels there is more of a chance of something materializing in her dating future with a matchmaker.
Cindy was in a three-year relationship that didn’t pan out. She believes that even though it’s only been eight months since the breakup, she did the inner work to be ready to move forward.
Aleeza pauses and says, “I don’t buy it. You dated someone for three years, nothing happened and you just parted ways? Aleeza thinks Cindy may have decided she is ready to date other people but is actually looking for the same sparks she had previously with her ex.
After sensing Cindy’s deeper emotions, Aleeza shares dating lesson 1: Mystery in your History.
Mystery in your History identifies that there may be potential with someone in your past. Aleeza believes that if a person had a long-term relationship that just drifted, and nothing terribly negative happened, it leaves a big question mark regarding the person. She feels it is usually worth revisiting that past relationship to rule it out.
Aleeza reiterated that when it comes to relationships doors open and close all the time. But Cindy is firm that there is no potential with her ex.
Aleeza explains that setting someone up like Cindy is one of her hardest challenges.
Finding someone else to match up to the feeling that Cindy once had is the most difficult thing to do as a matchmaker.
She suggests Daniel, 34 a bilingual speaker of English and Hebrew, for Cindy.
A look of shock comes over Cindy’s face.
“What’s wrong?” Aleeza asks.
“34 is just so old.”
Aleeza points to the criteria and directly asks her: Wait a minute! You just told me that 37 was your max.
“Yeah but it’s not what I want.”
Aleeza explains a crucial dating tip:
Tell me what you want, what you REALLY REALLY want. “I cannot help you if you are not honest with me.”
Aleeza does not judge her clients’ criteria. Instead, she works with it. But it’s important for clients to define their real criteria; not what they think they should say. A matchmaker cannot give you what you want if you do not share your real desires.
Cindy agrees to go out with Daniel and Aleeza sets it up.
The next scene opens with Ori and Adi horseback riding on their second date. Even though she wasn’t his exact “look”, he gives her another chance reiterating Aleeza’s famous advice: When in doubt, go out! If you do not have clarity, GO OUT again.
Ori feels there is good chemistry and good humor. On this date Ori reveals that he wants three kids and three dogs. His philosophy is that every kid should have a dog.
He calls Adi “simple” and she is not sure what to make of that. The scene closes with Adi saying she is unsure of Ori.
The next scene opens with Harmonie and Aron having a date on the beach. Harmonie reveals that she has tried shrooms, and Aron, who describes himself as a “Goodie Two-Shoes” is shocked.
Harmonie says, “Aleeza gave me everything I was looking for, but in a different package!”
She admits that Aron got more attractive, but she is still unsure if sparks will eventually fly.
The episode closes with Dani and David jet-skiing together on their second date.
Dani loves David’s sense of humor and playfulness but is turned off by the fact that he is wearing socks and shoes on the jet-ski.
She finds out David is Cuban, which is a pleasant surprise for her. David did not see a picture of Dani beforehand, so he too was pleasantly surprised.
“I told Aleeza I like Latin men and then she never told me you were Cuban. When I asked her why she never told me you were Cuban she said: ‘Pleasant surprises.”
Aleeza tries to leave something out so that the couple will have pleasant surprises.
Variety and spontaneity help fuel passion and desire. It is good to have some mystique and learn something new about the person while dating.
Click here to meet Aleeza Ben Shalom in Sarah Pachter's interview with the star of Jewish Matchmaking. Watch as they review dating tips and discuss the Netflix series.
Click here for the recap of episode 1
