7 Signs You Found Your Soulmate

1. You feel comfortable.

A strong clue that this person is right for you is that you feel at ease in his presence. You should feel comfortable to show all sides of yourself and know that he accepts you as you are, with all your vulnerabilities.

Stacey was outgoing and personable, but as soon as she started dating Ryan, she felt closed off and unable to be as friendly or make jokes like she usually does. She always thought she was friendly and open with her dates. Her closing up had more to do with the guy she was dating than her own personality.

If you find yourself clamming up, it might be your body indicating that he’s not right for you. You may not consciously realize it, but your “gut” does. Your body might be telling you that you innately cannot trust this person.

Feeling free to say whatever you want and comfortable to be your authentic self means your date has created a space where you can be vulnerable and accepted. That’s golden.

How comfortable you feel is an indication of how well the relationship is going. Ask yourself:

• Am I comfortable expressing the hidden parts of my personality with this person?
• Can I joke around or take vulnerable risks with this person?
• Does this person respect my personal boundaries?
• Does he or she create an atmosphere where I feel “enough?”

2. You respect your date.

One of the biggest indicators of a successful relationship is the respect you feel towards one another. If you don’t respect your significant other or his actions, you may want to rethink the relationship. Watch how he expresses himself, the way he carries himself, and the way he treats those around him. If he doesn’t respect others, he likely won’t respect you.

If you are embarrassed of the person’s profession, status, or worry about what he will say or do in public, it’s a sign you don’t respect him. It’s possible that you also need to rethink what you value, but either way, respect needs to be in place.

Relationships are built on respect and it is non-negotiable. Ask yourself:

• Do I appreciate how he or she spends time?
• Do I admire what he or she does professionally?
• Do his or her character traits inspire my respect?

3. Your moral compass is aligned.

If you don’t carry the same values, it doesn’t matter how much you both like sushi or that you are both excellent tennis players – the relationship may not be able to sustain real challenges.

Values are your deep convictions; they rarely change, and they represent who you are in your core. When you find someone with similar values, you can overcome most challenges together.

The famous phrase “love conquers all” should be rewritten as “values conquer all.” Some examples of values are: loyalty, family togetherness, spirituality, education, and acts of kindness.

Ask yourself:

• What are my core values? And do our values align?
• Do we support each other’s dreams?
• Are we on the same page regarding children, education, income etc?

4. You trust him or her

Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship. If the person you are with is not honest or you don’t feel that he can hold your secrets, it may be time to move on. You can’t have a relationship with someone who lies to you or others. If his relationship with the truth is flexible, then he may not be ready for a relationship at all.

Ask yourself:

• Does this person exaggerate, tell white lies, or have a distorted relationship with the truth?
• Has this person shown that I can trust him or her with my inner secrets and dreams?
• Is this person loyal to his or her word and that which they commit to?

5. You realize he or she is not perfect and you still want to move forward.

If you think your partner is perfect, then you are probably still in the infatuation stage rather than deeper love. An important point in the relationship process is uncovering her faults and asking yourself if you can live with them. If this person never changes, would you still marry him? If the answer is yes, you can feel confident in your choice. If your love for him is unconditional and not based on the illusion of his perfection, then you are probably ready to move forward.

Ask yourself:

• Do I want to marry this person knowing who he or she is and understanding that he or she might never change?
• Can I handle this person’s baggage?
• Do I still believe this person is perfect and flawless?

6. Chemistry and attraction.

Last, but certainly not least, every successful couple shares attraction and chemistry. It’s possible that initially you may not be attracted to the person you are with, but the chemistry must build. With each date, you should note a progressive increase in attraction. Your prospective partner should not repulse you, nor at this state should your attraction wane. By the time you get engaged, you should be highly attracted to the person and excited about your physical chemistry. If not, he or she may be a great person or a loyal friend, but you can’t marry him. Intimacy is a foundational piece of a marital relationship.

Ask yourself:

• One date at a time, is the attraction growing or staying the same?
• Are we excited to be physically intimate upon marriage?
• Do I desire or think about this person when we are not together?
• Are we both committed to making it work?

7. Soulmates Versus Soulmade

Spoiler alert: there is actually no such thing as a soulmate. Sure, the Torah discusses the concept of a bashert and that we each have specific people that we are meant to build a life with. But the Zohar, Judaism’s chief mystical text, talks about how each person can actually have several different people that can become his or her soulmate. You can potentially create a beautiful life with many kinds of people, not just one, specific person.

If the person you are dating has a kind heart, similar values, and there is good chemistry, then you can make it work. A better descriptive word for your future spouse would be “soul made.” Soulmates are made through effort, hard work, and commitment.

Ask yourself:

• Is this person committed to our relationship?
• Does he or she exhibit any of the three A’s (alcoholism, addiction, or adulterous inclinations)?
• Do I want to make it work with this person?

Take these steps with caution. Make sure to give your partner a fair chance and enough time to build on all these elements before ending things too early.

Keeping these guidelines in mind is important before taking the final jump. Most, if not all, of these criteria should be in place before saying “I do.” However, they don’t happen all at once or necessarily in the beginning. Have patience, and good luck on finding your “soulmade.”