Sunscreen Love

You’re at the beach on a sweltering summer day. You lather up with some SPF 30 on your body and go into the ocean to cool off. The more you go into the water, the more likely the sunscreen will come off your body. So you lather on sunscreen periodically throughout the day to avoid getting a sunburn.

Love is like sunscreen. If you’re not constantly working on loving your spouse, the love you have for each other will likely wear off.

Like sunscreen, love requires constant slathering. You forget to reapply sunscreen because you’re so busy playing in the waves, building sandcastles and taking a leisurely walk on the beach. When you are too busy during the week to bring romance into your relationship, the love may falter.

People confuse love with many things: desire, infatuation, lust, physical attraction, and romance. These are the tools that help you get to real love, but romance is the work that you will have to do to achieve and remain in love. Romance is the constant slathering on of the sunscreen. During the early part of a healthy relationship romance is fun and exciting; it doesn’t feel like work. It comes naturally. But after 20 years of marriage, romance doesn’t come so naturally. You have to make an effort.

A pillar of Judaism is the commandment to “Love your neighbor like yourself” (Leviticus, 19:18). When you meet someone for the first time, you’re on the lookout for yourself. Chances are you’re not thinking, “I want to date so I can fill someone else’s emotional, intellectual, and physical needs.” You’re looking out for yourself and focused on what you are getting, not on what you can give. Why? Because it is only when you are in real love that you will start wanting to give to someone else without expecting anything in return. That is the fulfillment of loving your neighbor like yourself.

Romance are the behaviors through which someone expresses their intimate feelings and emotions towards another person. It’s the act of showing your love for someone else. It’s the little things you do on an ongoing basis – touching, hugging, writing love notes, spending quality time together, words of affection. These are all examples of romance.

You need to romance your spouse, and you need to also be willing to receive it in a positive way. And in order to express the love in the way that is going to register and resonate, it’s important to know your spouse’s love language.

A failed marriage is like getting a sunburn. You may not know that you got a burn until later in the day when it is too late to add more sunscreen.

Sometimes a spouse doesn’t realize that the marriage has fallen apart until his or her partner files for divorce, well past the time to do anything about it. Unfortunately, this scenario is not so uncommon.

Love takes constant work and maintenance. Apply that sunscreen. Don’t assume that it will just stay on without any work. If you don’t put on sunscreen, you’re going to get burned. Lather the romance in your relationship to prevent your love from getting burned. It’s a burn for which no amount of aloe vera will help you.