18 Categories of Gratitude to Transform Your Marriage

Every day for a month I wrote a short letter to my husband in a journal, expounding on some of our best memories and thanking him for a number of things. At the end of the month, I presented him with the notebook.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Take a look,” I responded coyly.

I watched him read the journal and saw him beam. Upon finishing he paused for a moment and said, “I think this is the best present you could have ever given me.”

I was stunned. I knew that gratitude could make me happy, but I didn’t realize how happy my gratitude could make someone else.

Gratitude is the easiest and fastest way to increase harmony in relationships. Thanking our spouses may not feel genuine at first, but we usually have no problem thanking cashiers, postal workers, and strangers wherever we go. Feeling noticed and appreciated is a basic human need. Surely, we should aim to extend this kindness to our own life partners.

In celebration of our 18^th wedding anniversary, here is a selection of 18 categories of gratitude that impact a relationship. When expressed regularly, they can transform your marriage.

1. Health: Thank you for exercising and taking care of yourself. I appreciate your healthy choices. It makes me feel safe and secure that you will be around for a long time.

2. Intimacy: Thank you for hugging me when I really needed comfort. Thanks for locking eyes with me.

3. Spirituality: Thank you for studying Torah regularly and taking your spiritual growth seriously. It means so much to me that you have such depth and spiritual inclinations.

4. Help with Children: Thank you for bathing the kids and helping them study for their tests. Thanks for knowing how to calm down our 5-year-old in the midst of a tantrum and making her smile.

5. Mr. Fix-It: Thank you for taking the car to the shop. I appreciate that you tried to fix the sink. You have such a can-do attitude.

6. General Help: Thank you for drying the dishes after Shabbat. Thanks for registering the kids for the next school year. You really lifted a burden from me.

7. Self-Care: Thanks for taking care of yourself. I love when you get a haircut and put on a crisp, clean shirt.

8. Communicating: Thank you for listening to my fears and trying to come up with a solution. I love it when you tell me about work-related things; I feel so connected to you and your day.

9. Kindness: Thank you for pulling a favor for the person who needed help in the community. Thank you for giving charity; you are so generous.

10. Work Tasks: Thank you for waking up early to go to work. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how thankful I am that you commute to and from work each day. It must not be easy and I appreciate it.

11. Date Night: Thank you for taking me to dinner last night. I really enjoyed spending time with you at the game.

12. Things We Take for Granted: I’ve never expressed how thankful I am that you wake up every morning and are productive. Many people in our society are not. I don’t take it for granted.

13. Finances: Thank you for working so hard and paying the bills.

14. Physical: I’m so grateful to God that you are so handsome. I love your eyes.

15. Vulnerability: Thank you for being real with me and sharing your ideas and fears. I’m so grateful I can be exactly who I am in your presence.

16. Flexibility: Thank you for giving up what you want at times for what I need or desire. Thank you for respecting my boundary and giving me a minute to cool off when I was upset the other day.

17. Chivalry: Thank you for opening the car door for me on our date night. I love when you carry heavy items for me. I feel so special.

18. Commitment: Have I ever told you how lucky I feel to be married to you? Thank you for choosing me as your life partner and for committing to this marriage.

A version of this article previously appeared on chabad.org