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These quick acts can work wonders to improve the quality of your marriage.
Marriage is joyful, but also requires hard work and commitment to succeed. Although most marital issues can’t be solved in 30 seconds, these quick acts can work wonders to improve the quality of your marriage. Each takes less than a minute and can affect your relationship positively for a lifetime.
Laughter is the best remedy for relationships. If you can learn to find humor in the face of challenges, you and your spouse will be better off. Dr. John Gottman, well known psychologist and relationship expert, demonstrated that laughing with your spouse is a great way to strengthen and repair your relationship. If you and your spouse are having a minor disagreement, you can use laughter to diffuse tension and move forward. Laughter breaks the negative mood and can put the issue into perspective. The ability to repair quickly serves as a barometer of the health of the relationship.
Laughter can also help the quality of your romance. Dr. Laura Kurtz, another famed psychologist, spent years researching laughter in the context of relationships; she claimed that couples that laugh together have better romance overall.1
Author Doris Bazzini, PhD writes, “When people laugh at the same thing, they validate each other’s opinions.” Laughing about inside jokes together not only increases self-esteem, but also builds a relationship’s “bank account” of happy memories that serve as a cushion or shock absorber in hard times.2
Dating doesn’t end after marriage. Whether you are married for one year or 50, make sure to keep the sparks going strong. Flirting is one way to enhance romance and infuse your partner with sexual confidence.
Most of us view flirting as something we do in order to help initiate a new relationship. Then we sort of fizzle out once the relationship hits a certain length of time. But flirting doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) end there. A coy look, a one liner that indicates interest, a shoulder rub or light stoke are all examples of easy ways to flirt. Flirting lets your spouse know you think they are attractive and that you are open and available.
Romance and chemistry help connect a couple. Keep the flame of passion alive. Flirting eases stress, helps increase your spouse’s self-esteem, and can improve their trust in the relationship. It is also a repair technique that lets your spouse know you have moved on and that all is good after an argument.3
Touch creates a very powerful sensation. Our bodies house nerve endings everywhere, from our fingertips to the end of our nose that send positive messages to the brain. Touch that does not lead to intimacy conveys the message, I love you. I care about you. I want you. Hand holding, love taps, hugs, and even high-fives can all do the trick.
Touch is one of our most basic needs as humans. Virginia Satir, a therapist, shares, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”4 Try hugging your spouse today for a little longer than usual and see how you feel.
According to Gretchen Rubin in her book, The Happiness Project, one should try to touch for a minimum of six seconds (ideally 30) for oxytocin and serotonin to flow. Physical touch can boost your mood and increase your bond.5
Turn off your devices for a set amount of time each day. Do yourself and your spouse a favor and shut down technology and look each other in the eyes every day.
There is no better way to express your spouse’s importance to you than eliminating distractions and focusing your attention on that person. When we remain glued to our phones, it’s a surefire way of visually saying, My schedule is more important, and this person in another room is more important than you. Even if for just a few minutes a day, shut it off and connect with your spouse.
This lets your other half know that you are really listening.
Instead of holding your gaze with the screen, try making intentional, prolonged eye contact with your spouse. It may feel awkward at first, but the intimacy you can create by merely looking at one another for a length of time far outweighs any discomfort at trying this tool.
Your face is public property. When you smile, all those around can see you lit up. Conversely, when you walk around sulking, that energy gets passed along to others, including your spouse and your family.
So smile. It takes a second and it can change both your day and your spouse’s.
Instead of just asking your spouse the typical, “How was your day?” Try asking instead, “What can I do today that would make you happy, or ease your burden?” You may be surprised by how simple the answer might be.
Alternatively, that same old, boring, “How was your day?” question can be spruced up a bit with a deeper, more thoughtful, or open-ended inquiry instead. When you get curious and show real interest in your spouse, you can create conversations that can deepen and strengthen your bond. Really sharing your life, both past, present, and future, can open your mind to the joys of being married.
Put out a blanket in your living room or backyard, along with some champagne or even sparkling water. Curl up together and try utilizing a relationship game like “Let’s Get Deep” to ask your spouse questions like:
Knowledge of another promotes love and intimacy, and what better way to know someone then to ask a question!
A 2012 British survey found that the average person had not handwritten anything in over 41 days. Thirty percent of individuals admitted that they had not written anything by hand in over six months. Handwritten notes require an extra dose of thoughtfulness because you can't just press delete, and they can be saved. A handwritten note has only one recipient—your partner. Thoughtfulness is at the core of true romance.
Write a love note or a Post-it note and leave it somewhere unexpected. Write something cute or sweet on the bathroom mirror. Express appreciation for something that your spouse did that day to make your life easier. Even a text, email, or voice note sent unexpectedly can show your love and appreciation.6
GREAT!
Barring a PROLONGED - TRULY PHYSICAL - OR DRUG RELATED ABUSIVE MARRIAGE - that can cause SERIOUS INJURY/DEATH - W/O SERIOUS INTERVENTION. These are great hints - of how to make a marriage succeed - OR even be repaired - in light of todays culture of selfishness - looking for excuses to exonerate ones own actions - & keeping the option of divorce - HANDY and dumping the marriage - when it's annoying you - when you get tired of lamely trying to fix things. Occasionally - there are published resources - on how others - have successfully kept their marriage together - don't be afraid - to see if their success - can also apply to your marriage.
This is a nice article. I find it useful for helping me step back for a moment to assess and regard my husband’s and my long term relationship with love. Thank you.