Four Ways to Work On Your Marriage

People work tirelessly to become an expert in their chosen field and to advance in their career. Even though people know how important their marriage is to a happy, healthy family life, most don’t actively invest anywhere near the same amount of time and effort (or money) that they invest in their career.

Here are four ways to continually train for marriage like it’s your job:

1. Practice gratitude

As marriage goes on, we lose the ability to see our spouse in the same way we saw them on our wedding day. We quickly forget what we most appreciate about them and start focusing on what bothers us. Practicing gratitude helps us continue to see our spouse in a positive light and protect our marriage from small conflicts that can cause problems in your relationship.

Here are few gratitude exercises that can strengthen your relationship:

• Upon getting up in the morning, tell yourself three things you are thankful for
• Remind yourself why you are grateful to have your spouse by your side
• Take note of when your spouse does something for you, big or small, and actively express gratitude (“Thank you for making dinner.”, “Thank you for taking care of the kids.”, “Thank you for planning date night.”)

2. Never stop getting to know your spouse

You dedicated the time to get to know your significant other before you got married, and that doesn’t stop once the wedding is over. You are human; people evolve through life circumstances. Just as you prioritized getting to know your spouse pre-marriage, it is just as crucial when building a life together.

Here are a few ways to help you continue getting to know your spouse:

• Prioritize a weekly date night. Allow yourselves to have quality time with each other to talk, share highlights and lowlights of the week, and be in each other's presence without the distractions of daily life.
• Do your best to go to bed together each night. This gives you both the opportunity to hear about each other’s day and have a few tranquil moments together at the end of the night.
• Prioritize intimacy. Wholesome physical intimacy allows you to get to know your spouse on an emotional and physical level, even with the slightest gesture, such as a hug good morning or a kiss good night.

3. Working on yourself

As with any area of achievement in your life, you make progress through continual self-refinement and improvement. Especially in your marriage, look inward at yourself to identify what you can work on to fulfill your potential as a spouse.

Here are a few self-improvement techniques that can make you a better partner to your significant other:

• Practice flexibility. When things don’t go exactly as planned, you need the ability to adapt to the situation and go with the flow.
• Take ownership. Learn to take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.
• Before you walk through your front door, take 20 seconds and focus on how you will greet your spouse. Ask yourself: What is the right way to greet him/her? Your spouse deserves the utmost respect.

Each of these self-improvement exercises give us tremendous power to stop potential conflicts before they start.

4. Seek a coach

Marriage is the most potent medium for self-development, expression, and growth. To fulfill its potential, you need to know how to use it properly, regardless of whether you are newly married or have been building a life together for several years now.

Here are a few resources for marriage education that can be a game-changer to help unlock the full potential of marriage:

• Seek a trusted mentor, coach or therapist. Just as you seek trusted advice for professional, health or financial matters, marriage is no different.
• Books. Search for materials that provide practical tips to incorporate into your marriage and help you better understand what marriage is about.
• Online or in- person seminar. Find an effective workshop that aims at providing constructive tools to use in your marriage.

Just as you strive to grow in your career and interests, you have the opportunity to use the tools at your disposal to strengthen your marriage to reach its full potential.