Three Things Every Jew Needs to Hear at the Seder This Year
3 min read
4 min read
4 min read
This frustrating experience taught me a few interesting lessons.
Suddenly, I lost my voice. It was the first sign that I was coming down with something.
Losing my voice was no fun but this frustrating experience ultimately taught me a few important lessons.
Speaking became so painful that I had to stop completely, no words at all. But I still had to somehow continue my normal Mommy duties. How was this going to work, especially when I pick up my two little ones from school?
I arrived, hugged them tightly, and motioned that I had no voice. My “older-little” correctly guessed what was happening and gleefully said, “Oooh, I’m going to pretend I can’t talk, too!”
Then, the most fascinating thing happened. The car ride home was calmer than usual. No fighting, no whining, no bickering—zero. The girls asked for music and I turned it on. It was the most relaxing car ride we’d had all year. Could it be that my voice and tone controlled the atmosphere and emotional temperature of the kids?
The answer is an unequivocal yes.
Much of the time, I find myself barking out orders or having rushed conversations with my kids. But that day I really learned to listen and connect in a deeper way.
When we arrived home, the girls told me about their day. Since I couldn’t talk or ask questions, I tried to show them I was really paying attention with eye contact and emotive facial expressions. They didn’t seem to mind that I couldn't talk. It was almost like we were more connected than on days when I could speak normally.
With my voice gone, I stopped trying to formulate my own words while my family was speaking to me. That’s when I really started to connect.
Yelling was out of the question. It just wasn’t worth it.
Before bath time, I tried to get the kids to walk towards the bathroom. I put on a huge smile and made grand gestures to motion for them to follow me upstairs but they ignored my attempts. The girls were busy playing. Usually, I would use my voice to guide (read: command) them to the shower but that wasn’t an option. I felt powerless and allowed them to play a bit longer before gently trying again.
Eventually, with a bit of patience, the girls went upstairs and showered. Activities went at a slower pace but in a calmer manner.
The overall atmosphere in the home was calmer. My inability to respond or get upset transformed our entire household.
A scream may give you the illusion of control in the moment, but the long-term loss for the relationship is hard to regain. Nothing is worth raising your voice over, whether or not your vocal chords are at risk.
I only spoke if it was absolutely necessary. If I could get away with it, I remained quiet. I gauged if the sentence was worth the pain to deliver it, and most of the time it wasn’t.
So often I wanted to add something funny or interesting to the conversation, but held back. And I realized that some of the times what I wanted to say could have been gossip or hurtful and I was glad I hadn’t said it.
I discovered the value of asking myself: Is what I am about to say helpful or harmful? Is it worth it?
Judaism believes that God gives you a finite number of words in your lifetime. But positive words, prayer, and words of Torah do not detract from your personal quota. I’m using my words more wisely.
My voice has still not returned in full. While I would have never asked for this annoyance, the lessons I gained white dealing with it are priceless.
Great!
I had a small growth in my throat and went to a specialist to have it removed. It was NOT near my vocal chords, but he hit my vocal chords with laser scalpel! Many 'repair surgeries later, my voice has been ruined (I had a career on stage doing opera and musicals). Needless to say.....there are days I can barely talk, let alone sing!
Hugs! sometimes we just have to hold on tight on the ride called life, and only at the end of days, where we will see the path that G-d led us on was so much greater than what we thought would be our destination. Sounds really hard and my heart goes out to you. May you see only blessing and good in all areas of your life.
I had paralyzed vocal cords due to an upper respiratory infection and cold, and was unable to speak. The doctors make you wait a full year to see if the paralysis reverses itself. If not, then you need surgery. Luckily, mine reversed itself after a year. Then I had to go to a speech language pathologist for almost 2 years to learn to speak again.
Wishing you refua shlema with all lessons intact!