Three Things Every Jew Needs to Hear at the Seder This Year
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Growing up with a Christmas tree made me wish that I wasn't Jewish.
What's so bad about a Jewish family having a Christmas tree? It's beautiful, it smells good, and it's not religious. So what could be the harm?
Here's my story.
My father was Catholic and my mom was Jewish, so they compromised – we had both a Hanukah menorah and a Christmas tree. It was 7-feet tall, with tinsel, glowing lights, pine smell and presents underneath. It was beautiful, happy, and – best of all – made us fit in with everyone else in suburban America.
And the menorah? It was 8 inches high with wax candles that melt all over everything. There's truly no competition. The Christmas tree won every time.
Year after year, my family defended the Christmas tree. "It's not a religious thing," my family insisted. "It's just an excuse for us to get together!"
But it wasn't. The Christmas tree was a powerful, positive emotional experience. In the end, the annual celebration we held around that tree had a far greater lasting impact on me and my family than almost anything else we shared together.
That tree made me wish that I wasn't Jewish at all and that I was just like everyone else.
Don't underestimate its impact. Once a child has a Christmas tree, she'll want it next year, and the year after that. And when she gets engaged (to a Jew or not), she will want that fiancée to come to the family's "not religious" Christmas gathering. After all, who wouldn't want to share something so happy and beautiful? Later, she will want to bring her baby and then her child to experience that happy, beautiful gathering.
But then one day, years down the road, she'll sadly wonder why her child, and she, don't connect with being Jewish. It's much easier for a kid to relate to the pageantry of Christmas and the thrill of a wonderful and magical Santa than the philosophical depth of Hanukkah.
We are charged with the incredibly important task of raising children and of giving them a Jewish identity and values, not a mixed-up identity.
That's what almost happened with me. But thankfully my then-fiancée, who happened to be Jewish, broke the chain. He saw the writing on the wall: the conflict, the confusion our children would experience, the assimilation and potential intermarriage we rightly would one day blame ourselves for. He said it's not right for us to celebrate anything with a tree.
That was so difficult for me. The holiday had been permanently imprinted upon me. It is now more than 20 years since my last family Christmas gala and I still have emotional associations so strongly formed as a child.
As Jewish parents, we are charged with the incredibly important task of raising children and of giving them a Jewish identity and values, not a mixed-up identity. We want them to have positive associations with being who they are – Jewish children. We don't want them confused or longing to enjoy a different religion.
Ironically, Hanukkah is all about not assimilating into another culture. Having a Christmas tree does just that. It's no coincidence that Christmas and Hanukkah often overlap. That fight to not assimilate is still going on today. Every year we have a choice: do we celebrate being Jewish, or do we celebrate moving away from our Judaism?
It pains me terribly to see my sister, the daughter of a Holocaust survivor, having huge celebrations with a tree at the center of it all.
Having a tree isn't "harmless." Today, it pains me terribly to see my sister, the daughter of a Holocaust survivor, having huge celebrations with a tree at the center of it all.
Even more, it pains me that her daughter, now intermarried, feels closer to Christmas than to all the Jewish holidays combined.
And it all started with a tree.
The author is using a pseudonym.
One of the nicest things about Israel is not seeing any of those celebrations of other religions.
I saw that the public downtown areas in Israel 🇮🇱 like Haifa were very festive with beautiful 🤩 decorations for both Christmas 🎄 and Chanukah 🕎 celebrations with the menorah 🕎 and Christmas 🎄 tree 🌲 adjacent to each other in the news. 🗞️
Haifa is the center of the Baha'i religion. Did you visit the gorgeous temple and grounds while you were there? The only place I've ever seen Xmas decorations were Bethlehem and Nazareth, and even there they were minimal.
And you can buy Xmas lights and decorations to decorate the sukkah! (Yes, people do that!)
Before I converted (born, raised Catholic; now Jewish 25 years), I felt that everyone should celebrate Xmas because it is so very secular: fun, happiness, bright lights, gifts, Santa Claus. I DO NOT feel that way anymore. Let's leave all the Xmas celebrations, and especially all the decorations, to the others.
My neighbor asked me a few days ago if I was ready for Xmas, to which I replied that I don't celebrate it. When he seemed surprised, I informed him that I am Jewish. As it was during Hanukkah, I gave him a 2-minute lesson, that we remember that Hanukkah memorializes the first time that people ever fought for religious freedom. He immediately caught on, realizing that if it wasn't for Hanukkah, there would be no other monotheistic religion, including his own.
It wasn't BY FAR the first time, but the ignorance of "raised catholic" convert is understandable.
I am very troubled by my Jewish on and daughter in law having a tree and giving their almost 4 year old son presents from Santa on Christmas. Both were raised Jewish- my son was in a Jewish day school from 3 to 15. The live in Silicon Valley and apparently their neighbors do not know they are Jewish. I am deeply concerned especially in today's culture when anti semitism is on the rise. I have been told if I want a relationship with them I need to "suck it up". Not sure how to deal with this
EMBELLISH everything Jewish with them, especially their kids. DON'T show up for anything NON-JEWISH. Invite them to YOUR HOME for Jewish things. Connect emotion with Jewish things.
The pagan American 🇺🇸 holidays are always so beautiful and so peaceful and so amazing and so awesome and so inspiring and so appealing to everyone from all walks of life and all ages and backgrounds and cultures and generations, and I think 🤔 that it’s possible to have the best of all worlds and cultures and traditions that are so special and wonderful and so nostalgic such as getting a family photo with Santa 🎅 Clause and still having the best opportunity to participate in the synagogues 🕍 and the community with the best people when doing activities such as Mitzvah Day, and if your family members are interested in attending the synagogue 🕍 that is very close to them, then they can still preserve their own heritage and traditions and do secular things on their own terms.
Xmas is NOT secular/pagan, neither is Easter with its egg hunts and Easter baskets! Are you really Jewish???
I find their attitude truly offensive!
The Christmas tree really is an idol & your sincere story proves it. We gave up ours in 1991. Haven't missed it since.
What's unsaid is that your mother being Jewish makes you Jewish so celebrating Xmas with a tree or without is problematic from an orthodox Jewish perspective. That said the majority of Jews in the USA today outside the orthodox community do intermarry and that I believe is a far more serious problem ( preventing assimilation was a primary reason Aish was founded and ash.com exists today ) than having a Christmas tree. Christmas is a beautiful holiday for Christians but a it's not for Jews. If the mother was Christian a menorah would seemingly be equally inappropriate for the child to celebrate Chanukah. To be a guest and wish others a merry Christmas and or a happy holiday seems to me fine and that works for me. Other have their own opinions and sources.
You are mistaken. I am not Orthodox, and I would NEVER marry a non-Jew, neither would any of my friends. There are strict protocols in the Conservative movement about performing marriages. It is forbidden for any rabbi to perform a mixed marriage ceremony, unless and until the non-Jewish partner converts to Judaism.(and BTW, conversion in the Conservative mvt is not easy!)
When I was very young I envied neighborhood kids with a Christmas tree. At the time, I didn't understand its significance.
The decorating of the tree is a pagan custom, mentioned in Jeremiah 10:3-5.
This just another pagan custom that was adopted into the Christian rituals, such as easter eggs, bunny rabbits, and Sunday instead of Shabbat.
Shema Israel.
Shalom
This article is very good and the author really makes the point of why Jews should avoid Christmas or any goyish holiday for that matter even if it's done in a secular manner. Many years ago I was scolded for not celebrating Christmas as it was an "American" holiday and had nothing to do with religion.
I thought Thanksgiving was the ‘American’ holiday? Not Christmas- which is universal for Christians.
Do you live in America? Christmas overshadows Thanksgiving-- a one-day holiday-- by miles!! TV channels start showing Christmas movies in October. TV commercials also start right after Halloween. Stores start decorating in November. You can't get away from it!!! The ONLY thing that seems to have changed, and not for the better, is that PBS channels no longer show holiday programming of ANY kind! And Columbus Day is now celebrated as Indigenous Peoples Day (and rightly so). Thanksgiving has become an afterthought, not an American holiday.
It is hard to consistently choose reality over fantasy; but, all the more reason to try.
Think of it as walking a straight path, and people keep jumping in front of you to detain, or divert you.
Or, think of using an app, and you see clearly the path to go, but then you have popup after popup to distract, and make you forget your goal.
This is life, and the obstacle course set up to delay, and derail you.
You must consciously remind yourself, and renew your priorities and focus daily.
Although we were Jewish, my mother had me "hang stockings with care" around the Xmas time of the year. She would have had an Xmas tree in the living room to keep up with her goyish friends. My father would not allow that. Her extent of being Jewish was an affinity for bagels. When I later became a BT, she tried to sabotage my kosher food and contaminate it with treif. She was also ranting about me being religious. When my father was terminally ill, I had to stay with Orthodox friends rather than my mother's house. My dear brother threatened to "break my arms" for refusing to stay in my mother's house while my father was in the hospital dying. An Xmas tree has no place in a Jewish home.
I'm betting that your mother was somehow traumatized into her way of thinking as a kid.
It's also that your family is not normal. I know literally hundreds of baalei tshuva personally, some if not most of whose families opposed and even resented, but I've never heard of anybody contaminating the food or threatening violence. Not normal.
Please check out the origin of celebrating with this tree. It is both pagan and part of Xtianity.
Highly plausible. But both would be equally problematic, as far as I can see.
Queen Victoria brought the Christmas Tree tradition into the U.K.
I would think that it's perfectly ok to celebrate Tu B'Shvat with a tree or even better with planting a tree in Israel 😉
Tu B'Shvat occurs at a different time of year from Christmas. It also commemorates something completely different.
Of course there is always God's perspective as well: Jeremiah 10:1-4
This article hits the nail on the head!
Sorry, but I completely disagree. As part of the Russia tradition, we have a tree for New Year and we celebrate New Year with it and our family. Not even a tiny bit does this take away from our Jewish identity! No tree in this world can make us feel or be less Jewish. identity is something we carry within and it's not hanging on a tree.
The Russian tradition is just an adaptation of the Christian tradition. Since the Soviets tried to do away with all religion, the New Years tree was a way to somehow continue this Christian tradition.
Initially that may have been the case but that is not what it represents for modern people. The New Year thing is a reality for majority of former-Soviet Jews. And that is a large number of people to just dismiss.
Fully agree on the New Year tradition. Nothing to do with religion.
For Russian Jews it may have worked ok but intermarriage was common so it's about more than feeling Jewish
Yes, this is the reality in Israel for Russian Jews. The communists secularized the religious holiday of Xmas by leaving just the tree, BUT, when a Russian Jew has such a tree, he's indulging in a secular holiday nostalgia, yet when a Russian GENTILE does the same act, he celebrating a RELIGIOUS CHRISTIAN holiday. I think this largely disappears in the SECOND generation in of Russian Jews in Israel, may be the same in America. NONORTHODOX American Jews are NOT doing it for the same reason as Russian Jews, unfortunately.
And that's EXACTLY what this article addresses: too many of the Russian "Jews" are unsurprisingly married to goyim. That "New Year tree" made it easier.
Writing on the Wall is an idiom we get from the Book of Danial Chapter 5.
Excellent Jewish source!
Absolutely true—my parents took to see the Nutcracker in NYC; the tree grew on the stage. All I wanted to be was Clara. My mother realized too late the damage and raged at me—5 years old—that I was betraying Judaism. Very unhelpful. We do not have a close relationship.
Keep your children away from those trees.
Am Yisrael Chai!
I completely understand why the author used a pseudonym, and I would have done the same thing in her shoes. One of my siblings used to pit up a tree, although I don't know if she did it this year. Re: Seeing The Nutcracker. I also saw it when I was young, however I give my parents credit for telling me that Christmas was not our holiday. I give my 2 grandmothers OBM a great deal of credit for instilling me with the beliefs I have today. I grew up in a very non religious family but I dont' have to stay that way!
Maybe you were young and impressionable, but seeing other cultures portrayed in the performing arts should be interesting but not influential. I like Wagner but have no interest in worship Teutonic figures. Madame Butterfly doesn’t influence me to follow Japanese culture. Etc.
The Nutrcracker ballet 🩰 performance 🎭 is a great 😊 secular dance 💃 performance 🎭 with the best music 🎶 by Tsaichovsky, and people of all walks of life and faiths are so happy to see it on stage, and nobody is required to be religious to attend the performance 🎭 of the Nutcracker dance 💃 and appreciate it. People of all religions should have the same rights and opportunities to enjoy the public holidays events such as the Christmas 🎄 parade and the Christmas 🎄 tree 🌲 festival at Rockefeller Center in New York and the Radio 📻 City 🏙️ Rockettes Festival as they are all celebrated universally and are also very popular among people of all backgrounds.