The BBC Broke Her Because She’s a Jew
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Most teens won’t tell you when someone targets them online. A child behavior analyst explains how to notice the signs, listen first, and step in at the right time.
Your teenager is sitting on the couch, scrolling through their phone. A moment ago, they were laughing at something in a group chat. Now they are unusually quiet. You ask what’s wrong, and they shrug, “Nothing.”
Maybe it really is nothing. Or maybe someone has posted a cruel comment, shared an embarrassing picture, or singled them out because of their religion or identity.
Online bullying and hate speech can be difficult for parents to recognize, especially when teens are not ready to talk about what happened.
You can help by noticing behavioral changes, listening without blame, documenting harmful messages, and knowing when to step in.
Just as importantly, you can also build the kind of trust with your teen that makes them comfortable coming to you in the first place.
Here are six ways to support your teen.
Teenagers have their moods. They want privacy, get frustrated, and sometimes would rather talk to their friends than their parents. That’s normal.
But pay attention when something changes.
Your teen might suddenly stop using an app they once loved. They may become anxious when notifications appear, have trouble sleeping, or lose interest in spending time with friends.
I remember working with a family whose teenager had become withdrawn and started showing signs of depression. At first, the parents dismissed these changes as typical teenage mood swings.
It was only after several sessions that a clearer picture began to emerge. Their child had been dealing with hurtful messages from classmates online, and the early warning signs had gone unnoticed for quite some time.
What stayed with me was how easily those small changes had been overlooked. None seemed particularly concerning on its own. But together, they told a different story.
That does not mean every change in mood points to bullying. But because bullying can undermine a child’s sense of self, it is worth noticing patterns rather than dismissing them.
You might say, “I have noticed you have not seemed yourself lately, mostly after checking your phone. Is something bothering you?”
Do not turn the conversation into an interrogation. If your teen is not ready to talk, remind them you are available whenever they need you.
Imagine your teenager shows you a hateful message someone sent them.
Your immediate reaction might be to call the school or contact the other kid’s parents.
It is understandable. You want to protect your child.
And with more than 72% of kids saying they have been a victim of cyber abuse at least once, this is a concern many families share. But while you are thinking about how to stop the bullying, your teen may be worrying about what happens after they tell you.
Will their friends find out? Will they lose their phone? Could your involvement make things worse?
Before deciding what to do, listen.
You might say:
Avoid questions that sound like blame, such as “Why did you respond?” or “Why did you not block them sooner?”
Even if you think your teen made a mistake, that conversation can wait.
How you respond now may influence whether they come to you the next time something happens.
Start by making sure they know they are not facing the situation alone.
Not every unpleasant comment is bullying. But repeated harassment, threats, humiliating posts, and messages intended to intimidate someone deserve attention.
The difficulty with cyberbullying is that it does not necessarily end when a teenager leaves school. A hurtful message can follow them home, spread through group chats, and reach people they do not even know.
And it is not limited to social media. Among children who had experienced bullying, 84% said it had happened through a device. Text messages, social media apps, and online games can all become places where hurtful behavior continues.
That does not mean taking the phone away is the answer. Instead, help your teen understand that they have options.
Depending on what happened, you can work together to:
Serious threats, stalking, sexual exploitation, or immediate safety concerns may require help from appropriate authorities, too.
But remember the goal is not to solve everything for your teenager; it is to help them develop the confidence and skills to stand up to bullying, recognize when a situation is becoming harmful, and know when to seek adult support.
A disagreement online is one thing. Attacking someone because they are Jewish, Black, or belong to another identity group is something very different.
Teenagers need to understand that distinction.
A cruel joke about someone’s religion may be dismissed as humor by the person posting it. But for the child receiving it, the message can be deeply hurtful, particularly when others join in or remain silent.
Talk with your teen about the power of words, including how repeated exposure to cruel comments can make hurtful behavior seem normal.
Jewish tradition places great importance on how we speak about others and the responsibility we have to treat people with dignity. That responsibility extends to online spaces.
Let’s suppose your teen is part of a group chat where someone starts making antisemitic jokes and a few friends respond with laughing emojis. Nobody says anything directly to the person being targeted.
Ask your teen what they would do. Would they laugh along to avoid standing out? Stay silent? Check on their classmate privately?
They do not have to enter every argument, but sometimes being an upstander instead of a bystander means checking on someone who’s been targeted or reporting an abusive post.
Parents often struggle to find the right balance between giving teenagers privacy and knowing what is happening online.
However, being involved does not automatically mean demanding access to every conversation. Teens need opportunities to develop independence and learn from their experiences.
At the same time, digital safety tools like a child monitoring app can help parents stay informed while establishing reasonable boundaries.
These apps generally take two approaches.
Some focus more on managing everyday screen habits. Qustodio, for example, allows parents to set screen-time limits, filter inappropriate websites, block distracting apps, and create screen-free routines.
It also provides activity reports, location tracking, and alerts, which makes it useful for families trying to establish better digital habits while maintaining an overview of their children’s online activity.
Others emphasize closer visibility into what is happening on the phone. Xnspy, for instance, offers access to text messages, call logs, browsing history, social media activity, and location records.
Its keyword alerts also notify parents when certain words appear in monitored conversations, potentially drawing attention to threatening messages.
Parents can also use Xnspy to review app activity and use features such as app blocking or remote phone locking when necessary.
While Qustodio focuses largely on managing digital habits, Xnspy provides a more detailed view of online interactions. However, even a concerning message or keyword alert does not tell the whole story. Parents still need to talk with their teens to understand what happened.
Whichever approach you choose, talk with your teen first about what you are monitoring and why.
Involve them in choosing the child monitoring app and setting any digital boundaries, and make sure the rules reflect their growing need for independence.
The goal is not to watch everything they do. It is to help them feel safe enough to come to you when something goes wrong.
One conversation about cyberbullying is not enough.
As children grow older, their online experiences change, and so do the risks.
To put this into perspective, the likelihood of cyberbullying rises by 2% with every two-year increase in age between 10 and 18. That’s one reason to keep checking in, even when your teen seems perfectly comfortable navigating the online world.
New friendships develop, group chats evolve, and situations that seemed harmless yesterday can become uncomfortable tomorrow.
To address such situations, make digital safety a normal family conversation.
You can encourage phone-free time before bed, review privacy settings together, and talk about how different online activities affect your teen’s mood.
For example, your teen might spend twenty minutes chatting with friends and come away laughing. Another evening, the same amount of time scrolling through social media leaves them withdrawn and irritable.
The difference is not necessarily how long they were online. It is what happened during that time and how they felt afterward.
Help your teen notice these connections. You might ask, “Do you usually feel better or worse after spending time on that app?” Or, “Is there a group chat you sometimes wish you could take a break from?”
But avoid making every conversation about technology a warning.
Ask about the funny videos they enjoy, the friends they talk to, or the things they have learned online. Showing genuine interest in their digital world makes it easier to discuss the difficult parts, too.
If bullying has left your teen persistently anxious and unable to enjoy everyday activities, consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Above all, remind your child that asking for help is a sign of good judgment, not weakness.
You won’t be able to prevent every hurtful message your teenager encounters. Nor can you control everything other people say online.
But you can teach your teen how to respond thoughtfully, stand up for others, and recognize when something requires help.
And perhaps most importantly, you can make home the place where they know they will be heard and never have to face cruelty alone.
