Bungle In the Jungle
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These four questions can spark the change you've been putting off. As the Jewish month of Elul begins, here's where to start.
The Jewish month of Elul, which we begin this week, is a unique time of year for self-reflection and growth. Elul is the final month of the Jewish calendar, a period devoted to introspection before Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. During this month, as we prepare for Rosh Hashanah, we examine our lives and set new goals for the coming year.
Here are four inspiring questions to ask yourself to help you jumpstart your growth.
This is a question that Mel Robbins often asks people to help them differentiate between facts and stories. Most of us repeat certain stories or explanations for why we don't take action until we actually believe them. These excuses often begin as something real -- a constraint, a fear, or a setback -- but over time they become embedded in our identities.
Some common excuses you may be telling yourself: I'm not disciplined enough. I don't have enough time, money, or resources. I'm too old or too young. It's too late to change. I'll begin when life settles down. Other people have advantages I don't have.
Ask yourself whether your excuse is truly holding you back, or if it's just the story you've told yourself about why you can't move forward. Is the narrative you have about your life serving the person you're trying to become, or is it holding you back?
Motivational speaker and author Tony Robbins suggests using this question to shift the focus from what you have achieved in the past to what you know you are capable of in the future. It isn't a question about ambition for its own sake, but about reflecting on where you've been quietly accepting a lesser version of your life.
Some follow-up questions to help you narrow in on where you might be settling instead of growing: Am I using my strongest gifts, or mostly what's most comfortable for me? Where in my life am I doing work that feels "good enough" instead of truly meaningful? Where have I stopped learning because feeling competent feels better than struggling as a beginner? If I met myself ten years from now, what would my future self wish I had begun today?
When you reflect on this question, you'll often realize that you settle for a smaller version of who you can be not because you lack the ability to do more, but because you've become comfortable with your current identity. To bridge the gap between the life you're living and the life you're capable of creating, you need to face the temporary discomfort of an unformed, future identity.
Bestselling author Oliver Burkeman poses this question in many of his writings as a way to discourage people from thinking of their lives as a puzzle to be solved. You may catch yourself thinking this way: that if you just found the right job, lost the weight, got organized... then you'd really start living. But life will always present another puzzle and challenge to be solved, and the sooner you start living your life instead of constantly preparing for it, the more you'll genuinely be able to experience the many blessings you already have today.
When you treat your life as a problem to be solved, your mind is always searching for the next thing that's wrong.
Some signs that you may be living this way: believing there's a "perfect" solution to something if you just work hard enough to find it, feeling guilty when you're resting, constantly trying to optimize every aspect of your life, feeling frustrated because life never feels complete.
Problems do need to be faced and solved, but life itself is not a problem that can ever be fixed. When you start treating life as an experience, you continue to work toward goals, but you don't postpone your life until you accomplish them.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks encouraged people to keep asking themselves this question at different stages of life. This question asks you to change your focus from "What can I get?" to "What can I give?" It can help you reframe success not as an end in itself, but as a byproduct of living with purpose and meaning.
Ask yourself: where are my strengths, experiences, and values most needed?
Being of service doesn't have to mean starting a nonprofit or changing the world. Most days, figuring out where you're called to serve is far subtler and quieter than dramatic gestures: mentoring someone who needs confidence, being fully present with your partner after a long day, raising children with kindness and integrity, doing great work that truly improves other people's lives, listening to someone who feels alone, and showing concern when it would have been easier to remain indifferent.
Rabbi Sacks often taught that instead of asking "What do I want from life?" we should ask ourselves "What does life want from me?"
As Elul begins, you have a special opportunity to reflect deeply on these questions and discover what life is asking of you right now. This month is a chance to examine what you've done in the past year and set new goals for the year ahead. You don't have to map out the whole journey to begin -- you only need to take the first step.
