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Dr. Edith Eva Eger shares her life-affirming wisdom.
Dr. Edith Eva Eger survived hell on earth. At age 16, she and her family were sent to Auschwitz. She is now 93 and a practicing psychotherapist specializing in treating trauma. She wrote her first book, The Choice, at the age of 91, and just released her second book, The Gift. These life-affirming books are filled with her wisdom about how to live our lives more fully.
1. You don’t have crises; you have challenges. Dr Eger describes life as filled with suffering and struggle. Each challenge provides a chance to find hope in hopelessness. Every struggle is a gift, an opportunity to find light in the darkness. Dr. Eger states that, “My suffering made me stronger.”
2. You always have choices. It is not what happens to you that is important; it is what you do with what happens to you. Life is difficult. “I will never forget what happened to me,” she shared, “I came to terms with it. I call it my cherished wound.” Life is a choice. It is much easier to die but, “I choose to live.”
3. Live fully today. “I don’t take anything for granted. I have this one life to live and you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.” She describes life as being like one long day. “The morning sunshine isn’t coming back, so celebrate each moment.” Each second is precious.
4. Pay attention to what you pay attention to. Your thoughts have the ability to create your realityso be selective. Re-orienting your thoughts can impact how our lives play out since, “If you change your thinking, you change your life.” This was a lesson her mother taught her as they were being transported in the cattle cars to the death camp. Her mother told her, “No-one can take away from you what you put in your own mind.”
5. The opposite of depression is expression, because what comes out of your bodies cannot make you ill. Dr. Eger spoke about the importance of feeling your feelings, that all our feelings are legitimate, and that there are no right or wrong emotions. “You can’t heal what you don’t feel,” so “Have a good cry. Go to the ocean and scream, or scream in the car and then laugh like a hyena.” She guarantees that grieving, feeling, and healing will make you feel better. Furthermore “My God gives me permission to feel any feelings without the fear of being judged.
6. Love yourself and take care of yourself. Dr. Eger believes that we are born with love and with passion. However, throughout life we learn to hate and we learn the, ’us and them,’ mentality. “No one can replace you, so love yourself fully,” she advises. “When you get up in the morning do you look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you’?” Give up the need for approval and don’t let others bring you down.
7. Be selective with your anger. Dr. Eger pointed out, “Once you get angry you give your power away. When you are angry you can’t hear you. I’m very selective with who gets my anger. Dissolve the anger; it is inconvenient, and I don’t like it. We must keep on walking.”
8. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. “There is no forgiveness without rage.” Only God has the power to forgive. “I don’t have Godly powers,” she says. “Only God has the last word. I see forgiveness as a gift I give to me that I don’t carry. Forgiveness gives you ultimate spiritual freedom.”
9. God is always present. Dr. Eger says, “I found God in Auschwitz. My God was always with me. God told me that everything is temporary, nothing is permanent.” Furthermore, “God has a plan for me, not only to survive but to guide other people and to be useful to them. My God is full of hope, full of light, full of love, and full of compassion.”
10. Don’t give up. Dr. Eger describes herself as a woman of strength who is strong because of her Jewish identity. “We Jews never give up. My ancestors survived the desert and the Holocaust, so I say, ‘Keep climbing the mountain and don’t ever stop.’” Her life affirming mantra is, “Yes I am, Yes I can, and Yes I will.” After a lifetime of scaling the mountain Dr. Eger is still climbing, still giving to others, still trying to make the world a better place and still filled with curiosity about what will happen next.
Dr. Eger ideas are right, there was another person that was in Auschwitz called Victor Frankel I think he wrote a book called "man's search for G_d", my mother(obm) was also in Auschwitz and you had to be spiritual strong to survive "in the hell on earth" called Auschwitz, to bad my mom( obm) did not write a book about her(obm) experiences during the war
Thank you Dr Eger for these life affirming thoughts. I have been having a tough time with my Judaism because I have no one left to share it with. But I never deny who I am and never give up. Pay attention to what you pay attention to is brilliant and will be my new mantra. Following it will change my life. I often tell my grandson we all have choices. So think them thru. Also, there are consequences for everything we do. Pay close attention to yours.
i will be ordering both books. Again, thank you.
"Pay attention to what you pay attention to."
This I agree with fully; however, what you pay attention to should be HaShem, morning, noon, an night.
Often life is presented as a joy ride made for your pleasure.
It is not.
Life is a very serious endeavor and many refuse to accept its terms.
We are all here to fulfill a mission the central purpose of which is: His Pleasure, His Will, His Way.
It is not too much to ask in exchange for a place in Heaven with a loving God for all eternity, so do not shirk your purpose for being here.
What HaShem requires of us is so little, and for so short a time relative to forever.
Stay safe. Be well.
"Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself."
While this can be true, sometimes, not forgiving can also be a gift you give yourself.
Open-ended forgiveness that does not have limits does not allow you to recognize that HaShem has set limits to behaviors, so it is appropriate for us to as well.
A person can exceed the limit.
It can be equally healing, in proper measure, to say: No, you cannot be forgiven this. You went too far. There is a limit. And, frankly, sometimes the person who did wrong needs that limit to truly get the message.
In a Christian world, every body forgives everybody. But, there is no apology, no restitution, no recourse to the victim if all you have to do is go to a priest, admit your sin, then walk out a "new" person no strings attached.
I do not forget them; nor shall I ever; nor shall HaShem.
“My suffering made me stronger.”
I am so grateful for her this is true.
The current trend in psychology, however, no longer allows to be said: What does not kill you will make you stronger; because, for many people it is simply not true, and additionally can make people feel guilty, or that it is their fault that somehow they were not able to be stronger because of something terrible that happened to them.
That being said, if you were able to get stronger because of a terrible experience, we should all be glad for a person to be able to.
Some, just cannot get over what has been done to them, and it is ok. It is not always a choice.
People have been know to become comatose their trauma is so great, and for them to process.
Stay safe. Be well.
Just two observations I find useful:
I recognize that I have the power to choose my attitude and I choose gratefulness.
To be clear, being able to forgive does not mean one forgets.
WONDERFUL!
Dr. Eger gives us more than hope. She gives direction.