Three Things Every Jew Needs to Hear at the Seder This Year
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I was not raised by my biological parents and was adopted as a baby. For my Jewish name, am I considered the son of (“ben”) my biological parents or my adoptive ones? I’m very close to the latter and feel they are my true parents. Both sets of parents are Jewish.
It’s an interesting dilemma. Technically, your true parents are your biological ones. In fact, as the commentators explains, the Torah obligation to honor your parents is solely because they brought you into this world, even if they did nothing whatsoever for you beyond that (e.g. Sefer HaChinuch 33). On the other hand, the Talmud teaches us that one who raises an orphan in his home, it is as if he brought him into the world (Megillah 13a). So in a sense, both sets of parents have a claim to your fidelity.
In practice, for more minor manners, such as being called to the Torah, it is fine to use your adopted father's name if that's your preference. However, for more significant matters, it is important to use your true (i.e., biological) parents' names. Thus, for example, if a person is ill, we pray for him using his and his biological mother's name. Likewise, when we write the Ketubah at a wedding, we refer to the groom as the son of his biological father. Some authorities, however, suggest that in addition to referring to the person’s biological father, the phrase “who was raised by so and so” is added. The reason for this is to remove any risk that the text of the Ketubah (which mentions a father other than the familiar one) would raise doubt about the person’s legitimacy.
(Sources: Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2, 21, Shevet HaLevi X 292, Igrot Moshe E.H. I 99.)
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