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Why Prime Minister Stephen Harper Loves Israel

January 26, 2014 | by Staff

Curious why Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is so supportive of the Jewish State? Here are some answers.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has distinguished himself as Israel’s best friend on the international stage. His recent trip to Israel highlighted not only his close relationship with the Jewish state, but his close friendship with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Harper wants to create media stories about Canada that are not Rob Ford related.

Many commentators have wondered what the source is of this passionate support. It certainly isn’t political – there are far more Muslims in Canada than there are Jews. Some have speculated that it stems from the teachings of his father who was a veteran of World War II, while others point to his personal faith. Well we at Jewlarious have some ideas of our own and we thought we would share them with you.

6 Reasons Why Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper Really Loves Israel

  1. Canadians, as is well known, are the most polite people on the planet. Israelis…not so much. If you’ve ever been to a grocery store in Canada, you may notice that the checkout process takes much longer than in any other country in the world. Here’s why:
    “Here’s your change sir.”
    “Thank you.”
    “No, thank you.”
    “Have a nice day.”
    “Thank you. You too.”
    “Thank you.”
    “All the best.”
    “Thank you. You too.”
    “Thank you.”
    “Take care.”
    “Thank you…”

    You get the picture. It’s hard to have a functioning economy when employees are spending half of their days finding nice ways to say good bye. As a former economist, Prime Minister Harper knows this and he wants Israelis to teach Canadians a thing or two about being more efficient. At a grocery store in Israel for example, the above exchange would take place as follows:
    “Yalla, bye.”

    Take notes Canada.

  2. Some insiders have suggested that Prime Minister Harper is on a mission on behalf of the Canadian people to simply create international news stories about Canada that are not Rob Ford related. The foul mouthed crack smoking antics of Toronto’s mayor are funny for the rest of the world, but Canadians have to live with him. They haven’t been this ashamed since Ben Johnson was stripped of his gold medal at the 88 Olympics. Or since the birth of Justin Bieber. And tiny Israel, which has the eyes of every media outlet squarely fixed on it, is the perfect place for a world leader to create a media frenzy. And thanks to Prime Minister Harper, it kind of worked. For a few days. Until Mayor McCheese showed up at a fast food restaurant after a few too many lechaims. Word on the street is that Rob Ford is seeking re-election as mayor of Toronto. You never know, Rob Ford may be coming on a pre-campaign trip to Israel…

  3. Canada is a cold country. Israel is warm. It’s pretty simple really. Prime Ministers need vacations too, you know. So why doesn’t he just go down to Miami for a week or two like the rest of the Canada, you ask? Let’s answer your question with a question: would you go on vacation with your mother in law? He wants to get away from the annoying questions about the taxes, the health care system, and why he isn’t a little nicer to Aunt Denise. You get the picture -- there are no Aunt Denises in Israel.

  4. Name a dish that Canada is famous for. Maple syrup is not a dish, keep thinking…Poutine is also not a dish it’s a condiment…and time’s up. Now name a dish that Israel is famous for. Falafel – check. Shawarma – check. Humous – check. Halva – check. To put it simply – the Canadian Prime Minister is just hungry. He’s hungry for change. Mr. Harper doesn’t have the heart to say it, so we will do it for him: Mrs. Canadian First Lady, Mac and Cheese and poutine every night gets kind of boring.

  5. Aside from being polite and playing hockey and having unusually potent beer, Canada has a reputation for being a little, well, boring. Even the Canadian Prime Minister himself – nice guy and all, but he’s a former economist. Doesn’t really help Canada’s reputation for boring. Israel on the other hand, the last thing you can call Israel is boring. So Prime Minister Harper’s trip to Israel was kind of like when you go spend the summer with your wild cousin Mike who drives a Harley and is into cliff diving. Prime Minister Harper is back home now, but it will be interesting to see if Canada starts walking around with a leather jacket and a nose ring.

  6. Finally, the craziest reason of all that Prime Minister Harper loves Israel: because Israel is a democracy. The rights of all of its citizens are protected. It has an independent press and judiciary. It is a dependable allay in a volatile region. Now, for some reason which escapes most sane people including Prime Minister Harper, these days most counties want to be friends with a country that is run by fanatical Ayatollas -- not naming names of course but let’s say this country that rhymes with “Biran.” Instead of putting his faith in a country that sponsors terror around the world, that tortures political prisons and calls the United States of America the “Great Satan” Prime Minister Stephen Harper supports a democracy and a dependably ally. Imagine that.

The author is a Canadian and a Torontonian. He voted for Stephen Harper and Rob Ford.

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