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4 Jewish insights on change from Justin Timberlake’s viral quote.
When Justin Timberlake was recently arrested for a DUI in the Hamptons, the police officer who pulled him over didn’t recognize him. The following conversation, which has since gone viral, ensued.
Justin: “This is going to ruin the tour.”
Police officer: “What tour?”
Justin: “The world tour.”
Millions of memes and tweets have since appeared with this quote: “This is going to ruin the tour.” There are so many other things that our self-destructive habits can ruin. This is going to ruin the lives of those around me. This is going to ruin my character. This is going to ruin my time and my energy. And one more minute with a wrong turn along this path, and this is going to ruin my life.
These memes from Justin’s arrest are so relatable because we’ve all been in the situation where we make a terrible mistake or lose control of a bad habit, and all we can think of is the next hour or day. This is going to ruin my schedule in the morning. This is going to ruin my vacation plans. This is going to make me late. Part of what makes change so hard is that we are blinded by these next most urgent tasks in our lives to the point where we forget the bigger picture and our deeper values and goals.
Jewish wisdom teaches us that it can take a lifetime to change even one character trait. Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein wrote: “It is easier to know the entire Talmud by heart than to uproot a single character trait.” It is hard to stop and reflect when our whole plan or ‘tour’ for the future has been ruined. But there are ways that we can start to change habits so we can try a new plan tomorrow. Here are four strategies to begin.
Don’t confuse being busy with being productive. Writing an overly ambitious to-do list for each day can lead to both burn-out and frustration. Instead try making a “not-do list” and eliminate any unnecessary or extraneous activities that are draining your time and your energy. Focus instead on a few, key crucial goals for the day that are aligned with your top priorities.
Change rarely happens overnight and rushing the process can derail you from creating new habits. Go slow in order to go fast. Start with a small change that you know you can stick with for a week. For example, instead of deciding to run a mile tomorrow morning, begin with committing to put on your sneakers and walk for five minutes every morning. The key to change is consistency so you want to build on small successes each day. And having the patience to go slowly also helps you to maintain realistic expectations so that you don’t give up just because there hasn’t been a dramatic change in the first few weeks.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to change a habit is to rely solely on willpower and motivation. While you may initially be inspired to try a new habit, willpower is often depleted by exhaustion, boredom, and a whole list of other factors that can drain that initial wellspring of enthusiasm. You won’t always feel motivated to stick to a new habit, especially if it is hard. Instead try to make the change as easy as possible by using a habit that you already do as a cue for your new habit.
For example, if you want to learn something new each morning, connect that activity to your routine. After I pour myself a cup of coffee, I will learn something new or read two pages in a book instead of scrolling through the news. Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t feel motivated. You don’t need to feel inspired to take the next right step.
Changing is hard. Even the smallest changes in your behavior and even more so, changes in your characters can take years to accomplish. However, there are incremental successes along the way that you often forget to acknowledge because they seem so insignificant compared to the loftiness of our goals. Celebrating and appreciating these small wins gives you the optimism and energy to keep trying tomorrow. When you forget to celebrate what went right today, it is difficult to be grateful for the step that you were able to climb. And losing your sense of gratitude will make it hard o see the big picture and the top of the stairs where you are heading.
Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said, “We need to start over every day. And sometimes many times each day.” Don’t be discouraged when you’re trying to change. “This is going to ruin the tour” can actually give you each a moment to pause and reflect on what your own self-destructive habits cost you. And if you don’t want to keep paying the price, it may be time to start over. Every day.
🙁 I truly have NO SYMPATHY for JT. Zero. If you drink/smoke/snort then don't drive. If you drive, then don't drink/smoke/snort. Period. He could have killed himself or someone else. Btw--If someone does not want to drink at a Simcha, then please do not pressure them to do so.
You miss the point of the article. The lousy (and wealthy) pop singer is irrelevant; his incident is just the foil for an interesting commentary on the difficulty of change and the challenge of making an effort to achieve long-term changes in one's own life.
Yes, I admittedly got caught up
In my anger over his driving while being in an altered state. Of course it is difficult to make changes.