The Quiet Erasure of Jewish Artists in America
4 min read
7 min read
6 min read
Your teen wants to feel respected and capable. Psychologist David Yeager’s research offers six proven ways to motivate them that echo Jewish values.
Adolescence is often described as a period of “storm and stress.” One moment your teen is warm and connected, and the next they are defensive, withdrawn, or suddenly convinced that you don’t understand anything about their life. It is easy to assume that teenagers are naturally difficult or uninterested.
Psychologist Dr. David Yeager, author of 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, argues that this assumption is incorrect and misleading. Young people are not unmotivated. They’re motivated by something adults often overlook: the need for status, respect, and autonomy.
Jewish parenting emphasizes the idea of kavod, human dignity, and the belief that children grow best when they feel seen and valued. Yeager’s research offers a modern, scientific explanation for why this approach works.
Below are six science‑backed ways to motivate teenagers, each drawn from Yeager’s research.
Yeager’s studies show that young people interpret feedback as a status signal. If they believe your critique means you do not respect them, they disengage. But when you use a technique called ‘wise feedback,’ their motivation increases dramatically.
Wise feedback pairs high confidence with high standards. The wise approach to feedback reflects a simple phrase: “I am giving you this feedback because I have high expectations and I know you can meet them.”
This tells the young person that your expectations are not a judgment of their worth, but an expression of belief in their potential.
Yeager’s research describes four different adult mindsets about teenagers:
The enforcer focuses on rules and demands excellence through punishment, leading young people to disengage.
The protector shields young people from challenges by lowering standards, which stunts their growth.
The disconnector mindset is complete disengagement, offering low support and low expectations.
The mentor mindset pairs high expectations with high support, believing in young people’s potential while providing guidance.
The Mentor Mindset is the most effective. It says, “I expect a lot from you, and I will help you get there.” This combination activates teens’ motivation rather than their defensiveness.
Yeager discusses the adult habit of repeating logic, lecturing, or explaining a point over and over. Neuroimaging studies show that this stimulates areas associated with negative emotion, conflict, and anger in the adolescent brain.
The solution is the “questioning fix.” In other words, ask open-ended questions instead of lecturing. “What do you think is going on here?” “What feels hard about this?” or “What would help you move forward?”
Questions signal respect and invite autonomy, switching teens’ brains from defensive to problem-solving mode. Questions tell the young person that their ideas matter.
Yeager’s research shows that combining a growth mindset (believing abilities can grow) with a stress-is-fuel mindset (using stress as a tool to overcome a challenge) creates a powerful synergy called the synergistic mindset. This mindset helps teens when they face a difficult challenge. It teaches them to persevere and not view their anxiety as a sign that they lack talent, but rather as the body’s way of mobilizing energy.
Yeager’s studies find that young people work harder when their effort serves a purpose beyond themselves. When students understand how their work helps others, their motivation increases significantly. This is called a self‑transcendent purpose, transforming boring tasks into meaningful ones.
Instead of “Do this because I said so,” say: “Here is how this helps your community.” “Here is how this makes a difference.” Young people respond powerfully to purpose.
One of Yeager’s most important findings is that public embarrassment and social humiliation shut down young people’s motivation and learning. During adolescence, the brain becomes highly sensitive to social status. A reprimand in front of peers can trigger defiance or withdrawal, even if the adult meant well. Correct privately and praise publicly.
Young people are not trying to make parents’ lives difficult. They are trying to build their identity, understand their place in the world, and feel respected.
Jewish parenting emphasizes the importance of respecting a child’s dignity, not shaming them, and believing in their potential. Yeager’s research shows that this approach is not only compassionate; it’s how you can help young people to flourish.
