How the Jews Changed the World
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Six honest answers, with practical steps husbands can start using tonight.
Every woman is different but there are some things nearly all women want from their husbands. Here are six of them.
Women want a husband who listens without judging, dismissing, or jumping straight to fixing the problem. They want to know their feelings matter.
What you might hear: "Can you listen to the whole story?" "I don't want advice, I just want you to understand how I feel."
What you can do: Make eye contact, put your phone away, and validate what she's feeling. Ask how you can support her today.
Women want to feel truly seen every day and to know their husbands are consistently investing in the relationship. They want to feel: "You matter to me."
What you might hear: "Can you call me if you're running late?" "Can we talk for a few minutes?" "Can you help me with this?"
What you can do: Look for chances to help. Check in on how her day went. Schedule date nights or daily walks together.
Women are sensitive to harsh tones, especially during disagreements. They want to be treated with courtesy, respect, and kindness. Jewish wisdom teaches: "A man should honor his wife more than himself" (Talmud, Yevamot 62b).
What you might hear: "Why are you talking to me like that?" "I wish you'd give me the benefit of the doubt." "Would you talk to a friend that way?"
What you can do: Speak gently, skip the sarcasm, and only correct each other in private. Ask for her opinion, make big decisions together, and value her ideas even when they differ from yours.
Sometimes women just want affection, no strings attached. They want to hold hands, hear a genuine compliment, and share touch that isn't about sex -- physical affection that expresses love, not just desire.
What you might hear: "Can you just hold me for a while?" "Can you hug me just because?" "I don't always want something to happen afterward."
What you can do: Hold hands while walking or driving. Kiss her hello and goodbye. Sit close on the couch. Put your arm around her, just because.
Women want open, honest conversations with their husbands, ones that work through conflict instead of avoiding or escalating it. They want a relationship where both partners own their mistakes, forgive, apologize, and never take each other for granted.
What you might hear: "Can we talk about what's really going on?" "Please tell me what you're thinking." "I want us to be able to talk without it turning into a fight." "I'd rather you tell me you're upset than pretend everything's fine."
What you can do: Share your thoughts even when it's hard. Listen without getting defensive. Ask questions instead of assuming. Work toward a solution instead of trying to "win."
Women want a relationship built on more than logistics; they want to build a life together: shared values, family traditions, common dreams, and mutual encouragement to grow.
What you might hear: "I don't want us to get stuck in a routine." "What goals can we work on together?" "Can we make time for what matters most to us?" "I want us to inspire each other."
What you can do: Learn something new together. Go to synagogue as a family. Volunteer or set goals together. Encourage each other's growth.
A strong marriage is built on the daily choice to keep showing up for each other. Jewish wisdom teaches that where there is love, God's presence can be felt. Understanding what your wife truly wants doesn't just strengthen your marriage; it brings more light into the world.
I do wish the author could tell us why this is specific to what a wife needs? And not a spouse needs? I resonated with every one of the six.
Wonderful!
These are also the things that a husband want from their wives.
Well...maybe less so on 4.
This is incredibly traditional advice. Not all women are the same and want these same very dated things. Women want sex just as much, for instance
Is a husband ‘bad’ if he only hits one of these six ideals?
Can a husband get credit for trying or striving to meet these goals?
No. Even if you do EXACTLY what she says she wants you to do, she won't be happy.
If a man needs to be told to show non-sexual physical affection-----Gosh, how unromantic. A gorilla.
"Gorilla?" Is that good or bad? Are you saying that gorillas can't be romantic? If not, how do you know? Do Mrs. Gorillas RESENT that (IF it's true)? MEN like things SPELLED OUT so they don't act like...GORILLAS! BUT, if you WANT them to act like gorillas, you have to spell that out, too. Basically, men are terrible mind-readers. Thanks for realizing that, Debbie! Note the gender divide in comment content & realize that women are from Venus & men are from Mars.
I have nothing against male gorillas' sex lives. It's when homo sapien males act like them in bed and everywhere else that can be a problem.
What great counsel! Thank you for putting into words these several behaviors that are easy to slip into, and easy to change. And will make even good marriages better, It is addressed here to husbands, though I would suggest that every concern brings up little shifts in attitude that some husbands long for too.