Jewish Mom and Millennial Son Share Communication Tips

September 18, 2016

5 min read


The dos and don’ts of communicating with your Jewish mom/son.

Simple Tips to Deal with A Jewish Mother Electronically!

  1. Only accept her friend request for one of your social media networks. Preferably where pics of you eating Challah and wearing sweaters are regularly posted. And if she still doesn’t know about Snapchat or JSwipe, try to keep it that way.

  2. Don’t teach her that Facebook messenger includes a function that reveals you’ve already read her (nagging) message but decided to ignore it.

  3. I don’t have any tips for email since we all know how outdated that is. However our mothers like it because it’s reminiscent of sending a letter to summer camp.

  4. When she texts asking why you didn’t respond to her message on Facebook, it’s time to apologize, respond, and then…

  5. Click “Like” on her new profile picture, immediately followed by a comment pretending you’re seeing it for the very first time. (Even though you’re the one she insisted take her photograph because she thinks selfies give the impression she has zero friends.)

  6. Be sure to text her on all holidays, but always make a public “Happy Birthday” posting she can kvell about. If you’re going to include a photo, be certain it’s extremely flattering (OF HER) even if you appear pale and shvitzing in the pic, it’s the better choice, I promise! Repeat on Mother's Day.

  7. When she calls you exclaiming, “I found a really funny and clever Mimi you’ll just love!” take a moment to realize she’s not trying to be your matchmaker. She just discovered a humorous and witty meme she wants to share.

  8. Keep a handy list of excuses to politely end digital conversations. Some of my favorites are “I need to save my battery to research law schools,” and “I’ve got to turn off my phone before Shabbos…I know it’s Thursday but I’m really into Shabbos.”

  9. Remember when you had the family photos digitized as a Chanukah present for her? At the time it was a great alternative gift because you didn’t know her blouse size. But now it means she has easy access to all your baby photos as blackmail. Yes, I am referring to that photo of you wearing nothing but a Kippah!

  10. If you live in a different time zone, be sure to take advantage of the wee hours when she’s sound asleep to post things you don’t want her to comment on in that motherly way. However, be aware that menopause induces insomnia.

  11. Disconnect from Twitter permanently. It’s just not worth it. Trust me on this.

Tips to Stay Close To A Grown Child Using Our Meshuggah Technology!

  1. Immediately send “Friend” requests to every single person he communicates with. Be sure to point out that Facebook promotes mothers as good buddies -- otherwise they’d call it a “Mom Request.”

  2. If you’re lucky enough to have him teach you how to use that Tweety thing, don’t make silly Jewish bird jokes like, “Great! I’ll be your BlueBerg of happiness!” Also don’t tweet, “Boychick if you’re out there, come inside right now!” more than once per hour.

  3. Don’t accidentally tag him to follow your Pinterest board, titled “Crafty Projects Designed for Subliminal Guilt.” No matter how creative you are, he won’t come home after viewing pins of old, skinny, wrinkled, gray-haired sock puppets on crutches. No, not even if they’re labeled “self-portraits.” And putting up pictures of adorably decorated baby nurseries with sad dolls in the crib is liable to set you back five years in Grandma status.

  4. Always break up one long text message into many shorter ones (sent separately) so it’s not overwhelming. Besides, it’s intriguing for him to piece them together like a puzzle. Always conclude each one with a “. . .” so he’s clued in there’s more fun to come.

  5. You can assist with a job hunt. Everyone knows future employers search Facebook to peruse an applicant's true character. Tag his full name in pics where he’s helping you carry groceries, sweeping your front porch, and cooking you soup. Caption these, “My son assisting me between making rounds with patients, bless his heart.” Alternatively, on your Pinterest board -- use his resume to gift wrap holiday presents, tied with festive letter-of-recommendation ribbons and bows, of course.

  6. He’s far more likely to open an email from you if the subject title says, “Quick note about money I sent you before embarking on a really long trip where the Internet connection will be bad.”

  7. When he updates his profile picture with yet another selfie, wait for his friends to comment how handsome he is and then subtly remark, “It’s such a joy to see how well-liked you are online. Surely one of these nice pals owns a real camera and can photograph you so both your hands are in the frame?”

  8. Don’t bother asking him to explain how to cut and paste something again. It’s simply not worth the frustration. But I agree . . . this is the thanks we get for teaching them to use a pair of scissors and Elmer’s glue in preschool?

  9. On his birthday, if he posts a photo of the two of you together on Facebook, don’t mention he looks awful. You can nag him about eating enough and wearing jackets another time. Just be grateful he remembered it’s actually your anniversary giving birth and becoming a mother.

  10. If you get to have a lengthy conversation with him on Facebook Messenger and he leaves by suddenly typing, “TTYL,” that’s code for, “Too Talkative, You’re Lame!” But resist the urge to say, “Don’t you take that tone with me, young man” and just calmly type back, “Talk to you later.”

  11. Keep signing off everything you write with, “Love always and forever, Mom” even if he claims, “But I knew it was from you by the email address.” One day he’ll figure out the point has never been your identity.

Next Steps