From Good to Great: The Wisdom of Rebbetzin Denah Weinberg

Not a week goes by that I do not quote my spiritual “mother”, Rebbetzin Denah Weinberg, of blessed memory, the wife of the founder of Aish HaTorah, Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of blessed memory. I met her at the beginning of my young adult Jewish journey in 1985. She passed away this week at the age of 85 and her death has hit me hard.

She was a powerful, regal woman who in addition to raising 12 children ran a seminary geared for Jewish women of all backgrounds. She impacted thousands of people with her strength, wisdom and personal model of what it means to be a great Jewish woman.

Here are some of the teachings I learned from her that reframed how I look at life.

“It’s not enough to be good, we must be great.”

No one wants the rabbi say at their funeral, “She was…okay.” “He was pretty darn average.” Everyone wants the rabbi to say, “She was great and this is why.”

Rebbetzin Weinberg demanded from us not to settle for good, that the blessing of life requires us to strive for greatness. “Be a great Jewish woman” was her mantra. “None of you are going to ride on your husband’s coattails.”

“If 20 people are standing at a bus stop and the bus does not stop, there are 20 reasons.”

Everything happens for a reason, and everything is for your good. And everything contains a specific message from God to each and every one of you. Yes, everything. No one can tell you what God is telling you; only you can know.

Rebbetzin Weinberg with Lori Palatnik and her daughter Bracha Leah

“To know Him is to love Him.”

The more knowledge, the more love. The more you deeply understand the qualities of your Creator, the more you can emulate them, the more meaning you will have in this world, and the closer your relationship with God will be. God is giving, loving, patient, merciful, slow to anger… and that’s what you must strive to be. There is no such thing as, “That’s just the way I am.” That may be the way you were created — now work on yourself and change.

“God loves you.”

What is the importance of Monotheism? One-stop shopping? Multiple gods (think: Greek mythology) means each one has certain attributes and also certain lacks. One God means He has it all, no lacks. What can you give to someone who really has it all? Nothing. That means He can’t receive, He can only give. He is perfectly altruistic. And the more you give, the more you love. God loves us more than our parents love us, more than we love our kids. God gives us these relationships to give us an inkling of His love.

“Your husband needs your respect.”

Your husband may be a CEO of a major corporation, but if he comes home and feels his wife does not respect him and what he stands for, it’s not good. When I first heard this I pushed back, big time. But, just like we dismiss so much our parents tell us when we are growing up, and once we do grow up we realize how wise their advice is — what Rebbetzin Weinberg taught is definitely true and a pillar of a thriving marriage. (Bonus wisdom: "Treat him like a man you respect and he will become a man that you respect.)

With the passing of Rebbetzin Weinberg, I feel a deep ache that I was not expecting. I feel orphaned. The loss of great leaders creates a vacuum. How can their shoes be possibly filled?

They can’t. But each of us can place our smaller feet in the footprints they made for us and continue along their path.

Thank you, Rebbetzin Weinberg — I know I was not an easy student, but I want you to know that you changed my life and the lives of so many others with your unwavering teachings, values and example. Thank you for never lowering the bar. I am still trying to reach it—it will likely take a lifetime, but as you taught us, that’s what life is all about.