The Shofar Is Silent, Remember to Breathe
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Addiction is misunderstood; clarity and compassion open the door to recovery.
Many people misunderstand both the root and the nature of addiction. These misunderstandings make it harder for family and friends to help a loved one who is struggling. Jewish wisdom teaches that recovery is always possible and no one is ever beyond hope.
Here are five common myths about addiction that can help you better understand and help someone that is facing this challenge.
One does not need to lose everything in order to be motivated to seek help and begin the process of change. Recovery can happen at any stage and quitting at an earlier stage improves an addict’s chances of recovery. Identifying and dealing with an addiction at an earlier stage reduces the long-term consequences in a person’s life and makes it easier for them to find other ways of coping. It sometimes helps someone who is struggling to hear other people’s stories of hitting rock bottom and reframing their own experience by adding “yet” to all the tragic consequences that can ensue if they don’t seek help now. I haven’t lost my job—yet. I haven’t lost my family—yet. I haven’t ended up in the hospital—yet.
Addiction curbs one’s free will. Experts agree that addiction changes brain chemistry involved in self-control, decision-making and reward circuits; this makes it exceedingly difficult to stop without treatment. While initial use may be voluntary, continued use alters brain chemistry and behavior in a way which transforms addiction into a disease process instead of a moral failing or voluntary choice.
By the time someone is an addict, the substance or behavior is no longer providing relief or pleasure, and they desperately want to stop. For most addicts, their lives feel not only unmanageable but also deeply shameful, and they do not know how to change. Many people think that addicts don’t stop because they don’t have enough willpower. This is a mistake. The real reason they don’t stop is because they feel too ashamed to ask for the help that they need.
Most of us think that we know what an addict looks like, but you can’t tell who is addicted by how they appear. Addiction does not discriminate by race, socioeconomic background, age, or background. Many people with substance use disorders appear otherwise successful and healthy. There are homes that look perfect on the outside that have someone struggling with an addiction on the inside. No one is protected by their profession or their family.
Many people think that all addicts have experienced trauma or come from dysfunctional families. But there are many addicts who grew up in nurturing, warm homes with no trauma at all. And there are many people who are thriving in every other area of their lives that are struggling with a substance or a behavior that the world cannot see.
It can be tempting when a loved one enters treatment to assume that the addict will never struggle again. But relapse is common in addiction and does not mean that the treatment itself was a failure. Just as people may struggle with relapses in other chronic diseases such as diabetes or obesity, addiction treatment is a process that requires patience and persistence. Successful treatment requires ongoing support from family and friends, and individualized plans are almost always needed to sustain recovery.
Some people believe that an addict can never fully recover or be trusted again. But many people who struggle with substance use disorder maintain long term recovery for the rest of their lives. And often, former addicts are far more self-aware and evolved than others due to the incredibly hard work that they put into their recovery and their emotional regulation skills. People can and do change.
The Jewish model for change is similar to many addiction treatment models: acknowledge the problem, desire change, transform behavior, and repair damage. Recovery requires physical, emotional, and spiritual healing, not just abstaining from a substance or behavior. In Judaism, addiction is not viewed as a permanent moral failure, but rather as a challenge to be met with loving support, spiritual inspiration, and the courage to keep trying. Myths about addiction can interfere with the healing process, and dispelling them can help you and those you love return to the fullness of recovery.
Addiction is not a disease or a life-style choice. Addiction is a response to trauma. We are each the total of our life’s experience. The profound sense of loss experienced by abused children originates in the fragmenting of self that results from abuse. The child seeks to reunite with self. He seeks to become whole. He seeks to return to a time before abuse and pain. Addictions are ill-fated attempts to regain wholeness and avoid pain. Addictions cannot succeed because they are external; they require someone or something outside of self. Reunification with self is an entirely internal, intrapsychic process. The void the abused child feels can never be filled from outside with alcohol, drugs, food, or violence. It must be filled from inside by having self reunite with self.
Great article. Thank you for the information and truth regarding myths. My daughter has been studying addiction counseling. As someone who has never suffered from addiction, this article helps put things into perspective. Very non-judgmental and nicely written, too.
As someone who has never used drugs, I found it nearly impossible to relate to the problems of drug and alcohol addiction until someone pointed out to me that I have my own addictions. Mine are not nearly as destructive as the addictions that this article is about, but still it provides me with a framework to think about these 5 "common myths". It allows me to see that there are people who have a food addiction far worse than mine and that it can be "rock bottom" serious. It allows me to see that I can use alcohol but I don't have an addiction problem.
In short, by understanding our own biochemistry, we can better understand what others need and to be more supportive of them.
Excellent article. I've worked with people suffering from addictions and I can vouch for the fact that it's a disease, not a lifestyle choice - at least, after the first few occasions. Too many people are judgmental towards addicts and alcoholics when what is needed is tough love - and treatment. There are Jewish 12 Step programs and lots of help available.
Please detail jewish 12 step progammes
There is an added dimensions 1) if the addict has Dual Diagnosis of addiction plus mental health issues. This is assisted by http://www.DDAUK.org which has 12 steps for addiction plus additional 5 for mental health. 2) there are other complications with supporting the addict financially.
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for this all-important article!! It is so critical for the masses to be understanding with those who struggle, to recognize all of these critical pieces. Addiction, we are sadly finding, is far more mainstream than people realize. I hope that readers will internalize this message!