Candle Lighting – Husband away for Shabbat

The Aish Rabbi Replies

It depends exactly where he’s staying. These are actually unusually complex laws, so I’ll start from the beginning. The mitzvah to light Shabbat candles applies to everyone, not only the wife or mother of a family. In general, however, the mother lights on behalf of her entire family, and that fulfills their obligation. (Chabad and some others have the custom that the daughters light a candle as well.) This is true whether the family is at home or staying somewhere else. As long as the family is together, the mother lights for them all and it fulfills all of their obligations.

There is, however, one interesting further detail. If the mother (or really any family member over the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah) lights at home, this fulfills the obligation for the rest of the family even if one of them is away for Shabbat. Thus, if the husband or a child is spending Shabbat elsewhere, the lighting at home fulfills his obligation and he does not have to light where he is staying. (See, however, below for further qualifications.) Thus, putting together what we’ve written so far, if the wife is lighting at home, it fulfills the obligation for the family members even if they are away. If, however, the entire family is away for Shabbat and no one is lighting at home, then the mother’s lighting fulfills the obligation for the members of the family who are staying with her for Shabbat but not for any members who are staying elsewhere.

In addition, the above rule is limited to people who live at home in general, and are just away from home briefly, as your case. If, however, a family member is away from home long-term – say a grown child who is schooling away from home for the year – that child is not including in his mother’s lighting and has his own obligation to light where he lives. (Ordinarily, for students living together in a yeshiva or seminary, one student lights in the communal dining room on behalf of them all.) And of course, a single person, whether male or female, certainly has his own mitzvah to light every week.

(One other quick sidenote: There is an unresolved question in Jewish law if the mother is lighting at home and a family member is spending Shabbat in a different time zone – one which does not overlap the home time zone. In such a case, it can be argued, the mother is not lighting at the time the traveler needs Shabbat lights at all. Since the issue is a matter of debate, it’s best if the traveler would light before his wife lights or give money to be included in someone else’s lighting.)

There is another factor to consider here. Even if a person is not included in his family’s lighting at home – for example, a single person living on his own or a family member living away long-term, he will generally be included in the lighting of the place he is staying for Shabbat. If he is a guest at another home, then being a guest even for a single Shabbat makes him a “member” of that family, and he is included in the wife’s lighting. This is so only if he is both eating and sleeping there, though it’s sufficient if he is just eating there on Friday night. (Even so, married women have the custom to light even when they are guests at another’s home. See here for a related discussion about how that works in practice.)

However, if such a person is not staying in someone else’s home but in a place where no one else is lighting, such as at a hotel, or if he is sleeping in a different place from where he’s eating, he has his own obligation to light. (This is very relevant for students spending the year away from home. If they are guests for Shabbat and they are sleeping in one place and eating in another, they are not included in their host’s lighting.) Such a person would have to light in the room he is sleeping. If he does, he has to make sure he will benefit from the candles he lights. He must either use them when it’s dark and before he goes out to his meal on Friday night, or the candles must be long enough to last until he returns to his room.

If it’s not practical for him to light where he’s sleeping, in particular because he does not want to leave unattended candles for so long, he can contribute a bit of money to pay for the candles where he is eating and fulfill his obligation with the hostess’s lighting. Alternatively, the host can simply gift him a share of the lights. In either case, some kind of act of acquisition is necessary to formalize the transaction. It can be something like a handshake or a declaration by the host that he grants a share of the candles to the guest. Some are more stringent to actually lift a candle to make an acquisition on it. But again, since the guest is not sleeping there, he is not a part of the host’s “family”. He has his own obligation to light, which he must fulfill either where he is eating or where he is sleeping (or at least in another room he plans to use Friday night).

One further detail in these rather complex laws. Even if a person’s family is lighting for him at home, as in your case, if he is sleeping in an empty place which lacks sufficient light, he has his own obligation to light. The basic reason for this is because there are two primary reasons for the obligation to light Shabbat candles: (a) To honor Shabbat. This is done by lighting at the Shabbat table and enhancing the meal. (b) To enjoy Shabbat: Making sure the house is sufficiently illuminated, since if it isn’t, the house will be gloomy and people will bump into things and hurt themselves, causing upsets and fights. Because of this second reason, it is not enough to light in the dining room. One must check that every room the family plans to use on Friday night also has sufficient lighting.

Now, of the two reasons we just mentioned, if either one applies to a person, he is obligated to light candles with a blessing. Now usually, both of these reasons apply together. Meaning, in a normal situation, when a family is staying at home, they have both a mitzvah to honor Shabbat by lighting in the dining room, and a mitzvah to enjoy Shabbat by ensuring the entire house has sufficient light. In such a case, the mother lights in the dining room, and her blessing covers the entire house. Apart from lighting (with a blessing) in the dining room, she should (before lighting) check that any lights needed in the rest of the house are turned on (and of course, that lights not wanted are turned off).

However, when a family member is away from home, we have an interesting situation where the two reasons above do not coincide. Again, the wife’s lighting with a blessing in the living room covers the entire house – and it covers the husband’s obligation to honor Shabbat even when he is away (in a similar time zone). However, if he is staying in a place which is entirely dark, then he has his own obligation to light because of the second reason – to enjoy Shabbat. His wife’s lighting covers his entire house but not a room outside the house. Thus, if he would be staying in a hotel room or an empty guest apartment and that location does not have enough light, he would have his own obligation to light with a blessing. He could fulfill that obligation either where he sleeps or where he eats. To fulfill it where he eats, he would have to acquire a portion of the candles being lit. If, however, the place he is sleeping does happen to have enough light, say from streetlights outside his window, then the husband has no obligation to light at all. His wife lit for his obligation to honor Shabbat, and he has no separate obligation to enjoy Shabbat since he has no dark room which requires light.

(Note also that this only applies if the family member is staying in his own house, apartment or hotel room, not if he just has his own room in a house in which candles are being lit. In such a case, even if he is not included in the hostess’s lighting (because he’s eating somewhere else that night), the hostess’s lighting covers the entire house – just as his wife’s lighting covers his entire house, and that is true even though he personally is not included in her lighting. In such a case, if he needs light in his bedroom, he should just put on a lamp or a nearby light (in the bathroom or hallway). But he does not need to light with a blessing.)

(As I mentioned briefly earlier, if it’s the wife who is away for Shabbat rather than the husband (including if she is away with her entire family), the practice is a bit different as women typically always light for Shabbat, even when they are guests at another’s home. Further, they typically light their candles in the dining room together with the hostess. See again the past response I cited above.)

To wrap up these rather complicated laws, we are left with the following:

[A] A person who has no one lighting for him at home (a single person or someone living away from home long-term) has his own obligation to light unless he is a guest at another’s home and can be considered part of his host’s “family” for that one Shabbat. If, however, he is staying at a hotel or sleeping in one place and eating in another, then he has his own obligation to light – which he fulfills either by lighting himself or by contributing to the host’s lighting.

[B] A person who does have his wife or parents lighting for him at home does not have an obligation to light. But if he is staying in a hotel room or empty apartment (not an empty room in his host’s house) – which additionally has no light source – no light coming in from the outside or the like giving him enough light to get around, then he acquires a new obligation to light, and he must light with a blessing or join his Friday night host’s lighting.

Thus, once last, your husband does not automatically have to light since his main obligation is covered by your lighting. (This is again assuming he will be in a time zone close to yours.) However, if he is not a guest in someone else’s home and he is staying somewhere without enough light on its own, he will have his own obligation to light with a blessing.

(Sources: Shulchan Aruch O.C. 263:6-7 with Mishna Berurah; Biur Halacha s.v. Bachurim; Shemirat Shabbat K’Hilchata 45:3,7,11, note 12; The Radiance of Shabbos pp. 8-12; Shevus Yitzchak, Ner Shabbos 14:1, 15:5:2; Teshuvos V’Hanhagos Vol 3, 215; Be’er Moshe 5:220.)