Accidental Racism in the Jewish World

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A “harmless” joke highlights the problem of racial sensitivity in some sectors of the Jewish community.

This article was originally published August 25, 2019.

Earlier this year, my wife attended a program on Jewish education. The presenter made a seemingly harmless joke:

“A couple stopped having children after their fourth, because they read a study that said that every fifth child born in America is Asian.”

There was no way for him to know that among the sea of white faces in the audience, one of them was married to me.

I contacted the presenter to inform him that his joke was racially insensitive (it implies that having an Asian child is a negative outcome to be avoided). His first reaction was not to apologize, but to explain.

“The joke is not about race.”
“It doesn’t really disparage Asians.”
“I ran it by some Asian friends!”
“I teach courses on cultural diversity, so I’m well-versed in hot button issues like racism.”

The irony of that last point eluded him.

I responded by quoting the cardinal rule of comedy: If you need to explain your joke, the joke isn’t funny. The lesser-known corollary : If you need to explain why your joke isn’t racist, the joke is racist.

He eventually did apologize. “I’m sorry if you misinterpreted my joke.” In other words, the fault lay with the person who found the joke offensive, not the teller. It was a stunning abdication of responsibility – from a professional educator, no less.

I do not believe the presenter is racist. By all accounts, he is an upstanding, civic-minded, Torah-abiding Jew – the polar opposite of a white supremacist brandishing bigotry and tiki torches. He is not an agent of hate. And one joke in poor taste does not a racist make.

But racism exists on a spectrum. The hateful invective of neo-Nazis, Ku Klux Klansmen, and gun-wielding domestic terrorists occupies one extreme. The other encompasses a far subtler form of racism: the inborn, unconscious biases that shape the worldview of anyone raised in a predominantly white society.

It is not malicious. Most people are not even aware of it. It manifests most commonly as a lack of racial sensitivity – a gaping blind spot to the perspectives of marginalized peoples. It finds expression in comments and questions and jokes that seem harmless, but are actually hurtful.

And it is distressingly common in the Jewish world.

My life as a convert has been charmed. In the 12 years since I joined the Jewish people, I’ve enjoyed the wholehearted embrace of countless families and individuals who have gone out of their way to make me feel like a vital thread in the broader tapestry of Judaism. They’ve welcomed me with open arms and shown me nothing but acceptance and friendship.

Tolerance is a hallmark of Judaism, and I can attest to its truth.

It comes as no surprise that I have never experienced overt racism from fellow Jews. No taunts of “go home, Bruce Lee!” which I heard as a child in the suburbs, and even occasionally as an adult in the streets of Manhattan. Tolerance is a hallmark of Judaism, and I can attest to its truth.

However, to say that I have not experienced any racism whatsoever would be a lie.

I have heard children chant “ching chong, ching chong!” in my presence at Shabbos tables. I have heard adults quip that someone was so tired that their eyes “looked Asian.” I have been asked by the Jewish owner of a neighboring town’s kosher Chinese restaurant if I was a customer or one of the cooks. I have been complimented for speaking without an accent (never mind that I was born and raised in New York).

At their core, these “innocent” comments touch a raw nerve shared by every minority in America. They boil us down to physical traits, linguistic sounds, or vocations. They dehumanize, reducing individuals to stereotypes and tropes. They make us feel different, “othered,” and lesser. We are conditioned to think of ourselves as outsiders, and these comments reinforce that insecurity.

And the effects are amplified for children.

Our youngest son came home from playgroup one day and showed us a new trick he learned from his friends. Using his fingers, he lifted up the corners of his eyes – a universally-recognized gesture used to make fun of Asians. Thankfully, my son is still too young to know what it means. It’s even possible that the boys he learned it from are unaware of its hurtful implications.

But they did it. No teacher or parent stopped it. And I worry about all the teasing and taunts – playful or otherwise – in the years to come.

This is how it starts. The innocent schtick of children becomes the careless insensitivity of adults. An educator stands before a roomful of parents and uses a marginalized group as a punchline – and nearly every parent laughs. Those same parents perpetuate the ignorance by passing it on to the next generation: their children. My children’s peers.

The presenter may not be racist. The parents may not be racist. But the possibility that the joke is racist never crossed their minds. Perhaps not surprising, given how insular and homogenous many Orthodox communities tend to be. Children are largely shielded from an outside world that is far more diverse than what they see at home. Growing up with no regular contact with Asian, Hispanic, or black people, they never learn what is (or isn’t) socially appropriate to say to them.

It doesn’t help that formal Jewish education can sometimes compound the problem. Some schools cultivate an “us against them” mentality that frames all non-Jews as evil. Yes, Jews and non-Jews are different, and have different missions in this world. But the Jewish claim to the status of “chosen people” does not correspondingly relegate all other peoples to sub-human status. After all, non-Jews are also created in the image of God.

Yet I have heard children declare that “Hashem gave the Torah to the Jews, not the goyim,” or that “the goyim destroyed the Beis HaMikdash.” And their tone strongly suggests they are being taught that goyim means “those people who are lesser than us.”

I pray that my children never learn this lesson. After all, their father used to be a goy.

I’ve refrained from speaking out in the past for fear of being labeled “hyper-sensitive” or “too PC.” I’ve heard some Jews suggest that political correctness is a tool used by millennials and liberals to stifle the free speech of anyone who disagrees with them. To which I respond:

That’s easy for a white person to say.

Political correctness gives a voice to muted minorities who historically have been silenced by a loud majority. We live in a time when marginalized groups are finally feeling empowered to speak out. Shaming us for being “too PC” is an attempt to maintain the old status quo. It is stifling our free speech – not the other way around.

I’ve seen Jews roll their eyes when African Americans decry the use of blackface by white performers. I’ve heard Jews dismiss Native Americans who condemn the Cleveland Indians mascot as an offensive caricature. I wonder if those same Jews were as forgiving when a popular clothing retailer released a line of striped pajamas resembling concentration camp uniforms from the Holocaust.

I wonder if people who grumble about political correctness are really concerned about free speech – or if the political correctness is forcing them to take a hard, uncomfortable look at their own biases and prejudices.

Yes, we all have freedom of speech – liberal or conservative, minority or white. But we do not have the freedom to hurt. You have the right to speak your mind. But you do not have the right to make my children feel lesser for who they are. Indeed, causing pain through our words is considered one of the most serious transgressions of the Torah.

Among the many reasons the Talmud cites for the destruction of the Temple was the inability of Jews to put themselves in each other’s shoes. This failure to empathize, to truly understand what it means to be someone else, continues to plague us to this day.

So I choose words, not silence. The Jewish world is becoming more and more diverse – and as a father of children who epitomize that diversity, I feel a responsibility to call out racial insensitivity when I see it. Not to cause trouble. Not to shame or point fingers. But to educate. To inspire people to think before they speak and consider how their words can impact others.

Ultimately, the presenter relented. While he declined to abandon the joke entirely, he resolved to change it to make it less problematic for Asians. I am grateful – both for his willingness to do better, and for the lessons we all can take from this episode:

Learn to take the feelings of others into account when we speak.

Recognize our own biases and prejudices.

Believe others when they express and share their pain.

Together, we can raise awareness of racial sensitivity within the Jewish community. We can break the cycle of ignorance and inaugurate the path to empathy and inclusion.

We just have to recognize that racism is no laughing matter.

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Alan Acker
Alan Acker
6 months ago

What if the comedian had said that he read that every fifth child born in America is Catholic? Would that be offensive; why or why not?
Humor is getting harder and harder to navigate especially where the foundation blocks for a joke have nothing to do with race or ethnicity, but a particular race or ethnicity is mentioned in the joke.
We all need to be mindful of our specific words so as to not hurt others. 
PART 4 OF 4

Alan Acker
Alan Acker
6 months ago

Assume that a black stand-up comedian says, “My wife and I have two wonderful children. Recently my wife said that she wants to have another child, but I’m afraid to because I recently read that every third child born in America is white.”
Is this joke racist? I think not because white privilege still exists in America so it is hard to see this joke as demeaning to whites. Also, it should not be seen as potentially portraying blacks as not intelligent because the comedian is talking about himself (or his father, his brother, etc.), so it is more in the arena of self-deprecating humor. Yet, this joke relies on the same foundation as the joke that is the subject of the article.
PART 3 OF 4

Alan Acker
Alan Acker
6 months ago

The purported joke falls into this last category. The focus of the joke is not intended to be the particular race or ethnicity mentioned, but, rather, that the person (in this case, the comedian’s father) foolishly applies a general fact to his particular situation resulting in a non sequitur (the idea that a white couple could have an Asian baby). This does not mean that the author wrongfully felt hurt by the joke, but, rather, that with this type of joke, the comedian probably gave no consideration to the ethnicity used. Thus, the comedian may have been surprised that someone heard his joke in a way that never crossed his mind.
PART 2 OF 4

Alan Acker
Alan Acker
6 months ago

A common comedic device, especially in situation comedies (sit-coms), is the use of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and misapplication. Misunderstanding can occur, for example, when one or more characters overhear only part of a conversation and misunderstand what the truth of the conversation leading, hopefully, to comedic results. Misinterpretation can occur, for example, when one or more characters see something that they were not intended to see and misinterpret what is happening again leading, hopefully, to comedic results. Misapplication can occur, for example, where one or more characters takes a general fact and misapplies it to a particular situation.
PART 1 OF 4

Deanna
Deanna
6 months ago

Thank you for your excellent article. You pointed out many areas that can be very hurtful to people. It has enlightened me.

Paul
Paul
6 months ago

The joke is self-deprecating implying the teller is dumb enough to think that they could possibly have a child of a different race.

But when you're a hammer the world is a nail and if you you're focused on finding racism, you'll see it everywhere.

Yosef
Yosef
6 months ago

The Jewish community's flawlessly warm and welcoming embrace of Mr. Ho is a tribute to our community's recognition of the inherent value of every individual, avoiding the pitfalls of judging people by their skin color, facial features, and etc.

But how did we get here, if we were raised on a daily diet of racist remarks?!

Are the lecturer's Asian friends, who did not find this insulting, perhaps pointing to something here? And what about the black community's usage of the N-word all-the-all-the time?

Perhaps the problem with PC is not free speech. Perhaps it's the power-hungry left that is out to bully the world into submitting to their twisted, oh-so-self-righteous hypocricy...

Last edited 6 months ago by Yosef
miriam fishman
miriam fishman
6 months ago

outstanding article opened my eyes to subtle insensitivity in our Torah community. Wishing you and your family great success in all your endeavors, ktiva vchatima tova.

Alan Acker
Alan Acker
7 months ago

Dear Mr. Ho: Thank you for your article and your thoughtful consideration. If we ever meet, I would enjoy speaking with you more about the topic. I would suggest one change in your article. When you write that "you do not have the right to make my children feel lesser for who they are," I would suggest that while we may have the right to such speech under American law, we have responsibilities and obligations under Torah to do our best that our speech does not harm others. I think it better to speak about responsibilities and obligations rather than rights.

M S
M S
7 months ago

Fantastic article and I’m sorry that there are some naysayers in the comments. Klal Yisroel is grateful to have you in our nation

Ben Blue
Ben Blue
7 months ago

Although I would have NEVER made that joke (I hold Oriental folks in high regard)....we DO INDEED have the "freedom to hurt" (not physically except in self-defense). That's just one of many things protected under the 1st Amendment! And by the way, I don't go along with the leftist ant-white subtext. I'm a Jew and a white man and make NO APOLOGIES for it!

M S
M S
7 months ago
Reply to  Ben Blue

With all due respect, even if we have an American Constitutional right to “hurt”, the Constitution is not Torah. Torah inspires us to strive to make peace and not embarrass or insult a convert, or any Jew. Just because something may be permitted by the Constitution doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do in the eyes of Torah.

Nancy
Nancy
6 months ago
Reply to  Ben Blue

To Ben Blue--Yes, we do have "freedom to hurt" as you point out. However, we also need to face the consequences of any hurtful remarks we make. We Jews are also obligated not to commit lashan hara of any kind, regardless of whether you are left or right wing in your political views!

Michel
Michel
7 months ago

Mr Ho,
You wrote: "far subtler form of racism: the inborn, unconscious biases that shape the worldview of anyone raised in a predominantly white society".

I like your article but the above statement is a subtle racist comment, the very kind that you are warning us about. I have been to multiple countries in multiple continents. Racism exists everywhere, including non-white societies. As a matter of fact it is often more widespread and not so subtle. I myself am an non-white person so please consider my defense of white people in general as fair assessment. The best way to fight racism is not to look for it in the first place. Istead of silencing people, we must let people speak freely, the only effective way to change people is to strive to be a role model.

judy
judy
7 months ago

i just have one question: do any of the mentioned minority nations have or make jokes about white people in their native country?

Dan
Dan
7 months ago
Reply to  judy

Would that make the bad joke less racist?

Yosef
Yosef
6 months ago
Reply to  Dan

What it would do, Dan, is expose the hypocrisy of the 'victimization' narrative...

Last edited 6 months ago by Yosef
David Kralstein
David Kralstein
7 months ago

I reflected on the points you (the writer) have made. It seems to me that YOU are probably unable to recognize your intransigence. The joke was originally done by famous Jewish comedian Jackie Mason (son and brother of Rabbis). It said his mom and dad stopped having children after 11 because every 12th child born in America was Indian. It's a joke, and if a Native American felt insulted it would've been an overreach. You not only convey your belief that his harmless joke (clearly A JOKE) was insensitive and insulting, but that his failure to be totally contrite and submissive to your bullying was a horror for you to endure. Let me cue you in. You are not perfect or always right on everything. You used the guise of social/political correctness to harangue this speaker. You're a bully

Last edited 7 months ago by David Kralstein
Alan Stanton
Alan Stanton
7 months ago

Excellent article many thanks. So glad to see the point well made that saying one racist joke doesn't turn you into a categorical racist.

Susan
Susan
7 months ago

Thank you for an incredibly insightful, considered, articulate, and compassionate article.

Sheryl
Sheryl
7 months ago

Thank you Aryeh for this beautifully written dvar Torah. You are a good teacher and I will try to keep these points in mind in my everyday comings and goings, especially when humor is involved (and it is because humor is a hige part of my life). Also yashar koach to the other folks that joined in the conversation. The article and discussions enriched my day and are helping me to get a better start to the week.
תודה רבה

Mark
Mark
7 months ago

Why can’t everybody accept the fact that everyone is racist to some degree, some relatively benignly so, some virulent to the point of murder or even genocide. Doesn’t history, especially the last hundred years prove it. The first step to solving a problem begins by admitting the problem exists, doesn’t it?

Marcia
Marcia
7 months ago

Aryeh, as a fellow convert, I can't thank you enough for your articulate and sensitive article. Over the years since I decided to convert and then chose to befriend other converts, there have been an increasing number of us who want to become part of HaShem's chosen people. As born Jews are sensitive to comments which disparage Jews and/or are anti-Semitic, so all of us show be sensitive to the feelings of converts. A joke does not denigrate or put down another person or their appearance.

Terry Walrath
Terry Walrath
7 months ago

In this era of wokeness, we have lost our sense of humor. Everybody is offended by everything. People look for reasons to be offended. No wonder comedians don't do standup any more. It's a shame. Jack Beny, George Burns, Bob Hope, and especially Don Rickles would all be cancelled today. Nobody can take a joke.

Nancy
Nancy
6 months ago
Reply to  Terry Walrath

To Terry Walrath--The comedians you mentioned would still be very popular today, especially Burns and Allen. Re: The term woke. It is really not new at all. It simply means we are examining a concept and not just taking it as face value.

gabi
gabi
7 months ago

I absolutely understand and empathize with the author of this article as I have been the victim of underhanded racism and mockery. People should hear what they say but they don't cause within their restricted circle of like-minded individuals it's accepted as a private family/tribe/community joke. When a person leaves their family and country and all that is familiar to them to join the Jewish People, these apparently "innocent" comments are like daggers that can really hurt. The message he hears is: "You are not one of us or you are not as purebred as us".

Donna Levine
Donna Levine
7 months ago

Excellent article- totally agree with your points! Thank you for sharing and teaching!

Zvi
Zvi
7 months ago

Beyond and besides the question of "racism", there is the VERY explicit prohibitions of "Ona'as HaGer" -- saying ANYTHING that causes "hurt" to the Convert. When the "comedian" was told that the "joke" was hurtful .. the IMMIDIATE response should have been a request for forgiveness. And, NOT one that puts the "onus" upon the one who was offended -- THAT is not any sort of "request for forgiveness"... One CAN say that they were "unaware" or that they "did not mean to be insensitive" and still apologize but one can NOT deny being hurtful and implying that the "other" is just too "sensitive".
In addition, there is a SPECIFIC prohibition to "make fun of" (or speak negatively about) the non-Jew in the presence of the Convert.

David Kralstein
David Kralstein
7 months ago
Reply to  Zvi

Zvi, you are incorrect. If someone chooses to take offense (at something totally benign, in this case) it is not incumbent upon the speaker to profusely apologize. It is only imperative to genuinely reflect on the point. Otherwise, no matter how innocent a comment is, if someone takes offense the speaker (in your view) is always wrong.

Steven
Steven
7 months ago

You make some good points that we should all be aware of. I think you are brave joining a people knowing that your appearance is bound to draw attention to you. Perhaps you get more reward than converts who are going to be more of less invisible since they are not noticeable? I should add, I don't know of any negative feelings of Jews towards Asian peoples. After all, Jews experienced much less hostility in Asian lands, and even the Japanese in WW2 were nothing like the white Germans although they were on the same side.

Nancy
Nancy
7 months ago

The word articulate does not even BEGIN to describe this essay! It packs a punch and reinforces the concept of thinking before speaking/hitting send. I tend to be mouthy and alas have not always practiced what I just preached. 🙁 Also apologies need to be genuine. "I'm sorry you felt that way" does not make the grade. I am sorry I was insensitive/thoughtless speaks to the heart and says you care about the other person. Yasher Koach on this fine work!!

Chaim Goldberg
Chaim Goldberg
7 months ago

This piece is a work of art. While the points made are critical, the greatness of the piece wasn't only in its content. What made this article so powerful was the way the author wrote it, with a delicate tone and overall thoughtfulness. The ability to portray the perspectives that both sides might have is unique. Specifically, to present the perspective you oppose with a true sense of understanding of their mindset and without attacking at all, yet to stand so strong and forcefully for the perspective you are advocating, is not an easy thing at all.
Thank you Aryeh.

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