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6 Ways to be Your Best Dating Self

August 21, 2022 | by Rabbi Dov Heller, LMFT

How to give yourself the best chance with the person you’re dating.

1. Feel good in your skin.

To be your most attractive self, you must strive to look your best. This is not about getting into shape and looking great just for dating, but developing a healthy lifestyle with healthy habits and attitudes for the rest of your life. It’s about having excellent self-care.

Someone who feels good physically will radiate attractive energy.

2. Feel good in your soul.

People who love themselves send out very positive energy that is attractive to everyone they meet. People who don’t like themselves send out a negative energy that is unattractive and turns people off. If you struggle with your confidence, dating someone who likes you will make you feel better about yourself, but ultimately being desired by someone else will not fix your broken self-worth.

If you’re struggling with self-esteem, take responsibility to work on it now. If you want to become your best dating self, build your self-esteem and learn how to love yourself.

3. Be a growing person.

There’s nothing more attractive than a person who knows himself and is working on becoming a better version of him or herself. Put less time into networking and dating apps and put more time into working on becoming the best version of yourself. A growing person is an attractive person.

Practically, this may mean working on clarifying your values, priorities, and life goals, refining your character, such as working on being a kinder and more giving person, becoming more patient, having more gratitude, So if you want to be your best dating self, become a deeper more self-expansive person.

4. Be yourself.

A woman recently told me, that she has a sharp wit and works at toning it down when she dates. I suggested she let it rip!

Since you’ll have to be fully yourself when married, why hide who you are while dating? Let your date see the real you and let him or her decide if they like what they see.

A corollary to this principle is: don’t play games, like hard to get, calculating the days between texts, etc. You’re no longer in high school. If you like someone, tell them. Be honest. Be transparent. Be direct. Be an adult. If you want to be your best dating self, reveal your true colors.

5. Discover what’s special about this person and share it.

Pretend you’re a reporter who has to write an article on what makes this person so special. Look for what’s beautiful and virtuous about this person.

We are experts at finding the faults and weaknesses in others and pride ourselves at being so insightful. Big whip. Finding faults doesn’t require deep insight. Seeing what’s good in others and taking pleasure in them does.

Practice this on your next date. And when you discover something beautiful, don’t be afraid to share your observations. People love being seen and understood. If you want to be your best dating self, focus on discovering what’s great about this person.

6. Be a great listener.

Listening is rare. How many people in your life truly listen to you?

Listening communicates the message, “I respect your perspective and especially, your feelings.” When we listen, we empower and encourage others. When we don’t listen, we shut people down and discourage them.

People who listen are beloved by those who are sharing. Listening is certainly a powerful way to be your best dating self.

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