5 Steps to Keep Your Family Digitally Safe

The Center for Countering Digital Hate developed a mind-boggling study. They opened fake social media accounts in the U.S., pretending to be 13-year-old girls. After only 2.6 minutes of use, TikTok recommended content related to committing suicide. After 8 minutes of scrolling, TikTok sent content encouraging eating disorders. Suggestive videos about body image and mental health popped up every 39 seconds after that. This study was repeated with similar results in the UK, Canada, and Australia.

It’s no wonder anxiety and depression exploded around the time smartphones became popularized. Addiction has increased, as well as sexual exploitation. Parents have the responsibility and power to keep your children safe.

There is a straightforward solution: Get on B-O-A-R-D to keep your family safe.

B: Boundaries

It is imperative to set up safe boundaries surrounding digital usage. Jodi Gold from Screen Smart Parenting recommends keeping bedrooms free of technology and advises children not to sleep with technology because it disrupts sleep patterns. Her guidelines include limiting weekday usage, and believes parents should purchase apps themselves for regulation.

Your children might be frustrated with limitations but deep down they crave structure. Dr. David Pelcovitz, a leading psychologist, explains, “The more a parent sets boundaries and limits, the more the kid loves the parent.”

O: Oversee Children’s Usage

Most experts agree that when children begin using social media, parents need to oversee that process. You cannot just give them full access and hope they will figure it out for themselves.

Digital safety expert Lori Goetz explains that just as we would not let our children wander the space outside of our homes without our supervision, we should not let them wander cyberspace without our guidance.

Apps such as Qustodia, AURA, Bark, and Norton Family are all reputable companies that can help you monitor your child’s time online. They report exactly what your child is posting on social media and can turn devices off at scheduled times. This can help circumvent fighting with your child about screen time.

But remember, “As parents, you are the immigrants, and your kids are the natives.” Because children can work around many of your security locks, Dr. Leora Orenbuch, School-based Clinical Child Psychologist, suggests utilizing the device together. “Children must learn how to live with devices. It’s like the forbidden fruit, the more you take it away without explaining why, the more they will try to sneak it in and go around whatever boundaries have been put in place. It is important to still maintain those boundaries, but simultaneously, ask them to show you some of their text or posts, or how to play their favorite game. Use it as bonding time to connect and develop a relationship, rather than fighting about it.”

A: Attention/Affection

Social media superficially satisfies a strong need for connection. When you think about your happiest moment, it probably has to do with connection. That is because connection is the root of all joy. The Hebrew word for happy is sameach. This can be divided into sham moach; your mind needs to be there. And where is that? With your family.

If your mind is with your child and not wandering or texting, your child will feel secure and happy.

A middle schooler shared, “Sometimes I will tell my mom a whole story when we are having a conversation. She’d be on her phone, and then look up and say, ‘Huh?’ and have to repeat it. Sometimes I have to repeat it multiple times.”

If you make yourself available and give your children attention and affection, they will be less inclined to search for it online.

R: Regulate Yourself

The best way to help your child reduce technology dependence is to model exemplary behavior. If you’re constantly scrolling on social media, you cannot expect your family members to keep boundaries you have set for them. Your child will sense hypocrisy, and resentment may turn into rebellion.

You can modify your own behavior by making a small change. Then you can create friction around that choice to prevent backsliding.

Dr. Pelcovitz explains friction with the following example. He has a weakness for cheesecake. To help himself, he would create friction by double-wrapping the cake in plastic and placing it in the back of his freezer. By the time he got to it, his urge would pass. His craving subsided, because it required too much activation energy to reach it.

You can also habituate your choice so it moves from struggle to autopilot. l am currently in the habit of not turning on the phone until my children leave for school. This way, I ensure that every morning they are all getting a focused mom. At first, each morning was a struggle, but now it has become part of my routine. Once your choice becomes a habit, it requires minimal discipline to maintain.

D: Delay

According to The New York Times, many tech executives at Google, Apple and Yahoo do not allow their children to have a smartphone before 14, and are not given a data plan before 16. If technology executives ban smartphones for their own children, shouldn’t you think twice about it?

Most psychologists agree that we should treat phones like we treat a drug. You cannot prevent exposure, but you can delay as long as possible. There are support groups like Waituntil8th.com and MUST, Moms United to Stall Technology that offer help and information for struggling parents.

When you do decide to provide your child with access to a device, you may want to consider giving them a contract, too. You can establish the rules and explain the consequences for breaking them. Discuss the terms, and sign it together.

Get on BOARD by setting boundaries, overseeing your child's usage, giving attention, regulating yourself, and delaying the onset. Help yourself and your family adapt to the issues surrounding technology by making a small change today.