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5 Dating Rules You Should Break

November 26, 2017 | by Aleeza Ben Shalom

Common advice that’s best not to follow.

There are many “rules” of dating floating around out there that help people make sense out of the confusion. But which ones should you listen to and which should you break? Here are 5 common rules you don’t have to follow.

1. Play hard to get

The right person will not be turned off if you reply to his/her text message or agree to another date. S/he'll be excited because s/he's interested in you! The point of playing hard to get is to insincerely attract someone who wouldn't be interested in you otherwise. Why would you want to attract someone that way? In short, playing hard to get is effective to attract the wrong kind of person. The right person won’t run away because you answered the call before the third ring or agreed to another date. The right person will be interested without any games.

2. Sparks must fly

Should you expect butterflies in your stomach, earth-shattering, off-the-charts sparks and tingly feelings on the first date? Sounds more like Hollywood than reality. In the real world, sometimes there are sparks but it's more common for attraction to grow over time. Tons of people marry someone who wasn't their type or who they didn't have immediate chemistry with. Unless your date repulsed you, I’d suggest you say yes to a second or third date. There's a possibility for a connection to develop in time.

3. Don’t talk about religion or politics

We often try to avoid hot topics when dating. While that can be good on the first few dates, long-term it can prevent a couple from developing a deeper relationship. For some people how they practice their religion is deeply a part of who they are, while for other’s religion is a minor piece of their life. Either way, it’s important to talk about what your religion means to you and how you’d like to practice it in the future, with a spouse and family. For other people their politics are more important than their religion. They follow politics religiously and couldn’t possibly be in a relationship if their politics weren’t aligned. People may tell you don’t let your politics or religion get in the way of a relationship. However, it’s often those two topics that people are quite passionate about and not willing to compromise on.

4. Only say yes to a date if it's more than three days in advance

This rule is totally arbitrary. It ends up causing both people to sit at home with no plans and lying to the person that you do have plans...meanwhile you could have both been out getting to know each other. Of course, making last minute dates should be the exception, not the rule, but most people aren't planning their social life weeks in advance. Don't fault someone for making Thursday night plans on Tuesday. If you want to say yes, by all means, say yes!

5. Be cool. Or in other words: act like you don't care, even if you do

Maybe you heard that people prefer someone chilled out and laid back. But what if your date did something that bothered you? Or what if you completely disagree with your date’s view on an issue you're passionate about? It's okay to show that you care about something, have different standards or disagree. Some people prefer their date to have opinions and be interesting to talk to. Not everyone is looking for someone laidback. The basic principle is don’t pretend to be someone you’re not in order to attract someone. Eventually, the charade will be up and nobody will actually know the real you.

In dating, the best advice is to be yourself, whether that’s calm, cool and collected, or whether it’s opinionated and passionate about issues that are important to you. Share the real you and the right person will be attracted.

May you know who you are, express yourself on dates and May your connection grow stronger with each date.


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