The Hostages Are Home and We Can Finally Dance Again
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Can anything good ever come from pain?
After October 7th, many view the world through a different lens. Why did this happen? How did this happen? As you contemplate the atrocities and the devastating ripple effects on the communal level, you may begin to think about your own struggles and challenges.
When Hebrew words share the same letter or root letters, there is a connection. The Hebrew word for pain is tzara. The Hebrew word tzohar, which shares the same letters, means window. What is the connection between these two seemingly unrelated words?
A window allows you to look inward and outward. It also fills your world with light. Upon reflection, pain can also serve those three purposes.
The Hebrew word “lamah”, typically translated as why, is a conjunction of two words -- le mah -- for what?
Instead of asking “why”, Jews ask “for what purpose”. What is the lesson I am supposed to learn here? What can I gain from this experience?
Pain serves as a window to look inside and understand yourself. If you were bullied as a kid, rather than hurting others, you can choose to become a more sensitive individual who makes certain to not bring others pain.
On a deeper level, pain can serve as a stepping stone to inner growth.
When a person breaks a bone, the healing process causes the area surrounding the fracture to temporarily thicken as a way to protect the bone. The bone becomes stronger where it breaks. So too, your painful breaking point can become your exact point of super strength.
Ofri Reiner, who survived the Hamas massacre at the Nova festival, ran 11 miles (four hours) in the scorching heat to find safety. She managed to circumvent PTSD by stepping towards something called post-traumatic growth.
She explains that after a traumatic event there is a huge range of how your body or mind will react towards the trauma. Most people will experience natural recovery with minimum therapy. Many people experience post-traumatic stress disorder. But there's another side called post-traumatic growth which 65% of people identify with.
Post-traumatic growth involves taking your trauma and transforming it into something positive. The pain serves as a way to become greater than you ever were before.
Ofri was able to use her pain to create beautiful artwork and to develop lectures that she now shares all over the US to help educate people on the situation in Israel.
Pain is your window inward. It shows you where it hurts so you can heal the wound and become stronger in the process.
Many of us look out the proverbial windows of our home and see that the grass is greener somewhere else. With the advent of technology it’s almost impossible not to see life through the lens of jealousy and comparison.
Try this paradigm shift:
Instead, look out and see how challenging things are for other people and recognize your personal blessing.
Your personal struggle may be big and feel big, but there is always someone else whose struggle can put yours into perspective.
When my third child was born I hemorrhaged and the baby ended up in the NICU. I was physically weak from blood loss and emotionally drained from splitting my time between my children. My baby was in the incubator unable to receive my touch.
After a week of traveling back and forth from the hospital, I felt depleted, like I had nothing left inside of me. I remembered feeling resentful that so many other moms got to happily whisk their baby home and celebrate their new bundle of joy.
I never experienced pain and worry like I did at that time. But in the back room of the NICU where parents could have a small respite, I overheard another couple discussing their impending release from the hospital. Their baby had been premature and they had spent five grueling months in the NICU. They were sharing words of hope that it was soon going to end. Knowing that my baby’s prognosis was much shorter, I felt humbled and empowered that if they could get through five months, I too could get through my challenge.
Even when your pain feels so big and engulfing, if you look out there is always someone who is also struggling alongside you, even if their external life seems perfect.
As Janice Kaplan shares in her book Gratitude Diaries, “Two arms, two legs and I am breathing. What more could you ask for?”
Look outside and instead of feeling jealous, notice the struggle of others; not just the success. When you see the struggle that lies out there, you will start to recognize your own blessings.
Ironically, pain can be the biggest prerequisite to inner peace and joy.
Ofri explains that after October 7th, she ironically feels much happier. Although she is not sure she fully believes in God she finds herself thanking Him for more time on earth.
“Life looks so much more beautiful to me now. I got a gift, a new lease on life, and I want to take advantage of it. I have so many times that I’m in awe of the beauty of landscapes and the beauty of the people I meet.”
Ofri explained, “I’m experiencing expansion instead of depression.”
Reaching out to others can also help you step out of your abyss and serve as a pathway of hope for someone else. Overcoming that pain can become a window of light to bring others hope.
Ofri has met so many people on tour and has realized how many people are in so much pain. “It’s shocking how many people are unable to sleep at night because of their pain or their worries. The same lens that stole my innocence is the same lens that has created beautiful opportunity and expansion for me.”
In the moment, it may not feel like your pain could ever create something good, but it is possible for something good to eventually come from your pain. Look for the good that the pain can bring, albeit years later.
There are countless organizations that have been created from the families whose children were sick. Like a window, purpose gleaned from pain can offer a sliver of light for others.
For example, Galit Horowitz founded LevLA, an organization that provides a hospitality home for those undergoing medical treatment in Los Angeles. Galit and her husband, Shlomi Horowitz, have used their savings, and even taken out loans, in order to provide this space for those who cannot afford accommodations near the L.A. hospitals.
Their vision was born after Galit’s first husband, Noam Capri passed away after having battled an illness for several years. Galit spent years commuting to and from the hospital several times a day.
Galit does not want anyone to go through what she went through and has made it her life mission to host families of patients in surrounding hospitals, for free. Families that fly in from around the world for medical care now have a place to call home and are provided with home-cooked meals, and taken care of. The Horowitz family doesn’t take any compensation for the incredible kindness they bestow, the epitome of true volunteering.
Galit’s pain has served as a window to bring light into the lives of hundreds of others that have had to walk the same path she did.
Pain in life is inevitable and important. Not only does it indicate when something is wrong, it also serves as a window of clarity inward and outward. But most importantly, it can bring tremendous light into the world.
Beautiful, important, and inspiring article
Outstanding!
Along the same theme, Rabbi David Aaron said, "Suffering is pain without purpose, pain with purpose is power".
Good article. I have permanent pain due to arthritis in every joint, and osteoporosis, which means I can't have an operation to replace them (they have all been replaced twice already!). How I cope is to offer my pain to G-d each day, and to say, Lord, if you want me to have this pain and if it can be useful, I accept it at your hands, but if it is your Will to heal me, I would like that too. And I have been able to use this condition as a means of helping others with chronic pain, as a counsellor. Everything that happens to us, even apparently bad things, can be used for good if we have the right attitude and remember that we are in the hands of HaShem.
Beautiful article give so much strength and opening the eyes to the truth of the tools Hashem gives us.