Iran’s Attack on Israel
7 min read
Throughout history, the Jewish People have held onto their identity, resisting external pressures and preserving their beliefs and values.
Throughout my career as a marriage and family therapist, I've specialized in working with and writing about individuals who are 'people-pleasers.' These individuals are akin to chameleons, constantly adapting to their environment and the people around them to create a sense of harmony. They strive to manage their discomfort and anxiety surrounding others' disapproval by altering their internal selves to fit in, always trying to please others, living for approval, and contorting themselves to meet unrealistic standards of perfection.
People pleasers live for approval from others and contort themselves to meet unrealistic standards of perfection.
The Jewish people, in stark contrast, are not people-pleasers. Their steadfast adherence to a unique identity has often contributed to discrimination against them. Within families, many individuals employ people-pleasing tactics to blend in, finding it easier to adapt to the ideas and beliefs of their family or dominant culture than to voice their own distinct thoughts, especially if these differ from the mainstream. In effect, they alter their inner world to achieve a sense of belonging. The Jewish community, on the other hand, has historically refrained from such behavior. Much like the pushback I've observed within families when a habitual people-pleaser begins to assert their individuality, the Jewish people have faced similar resistance for maintaining their unique identity.
The Jewish community's journey toward maintaining its distinct identity has been marked by resilience and an unwavering commitment to tradition, values, and beliefs. During the Roman Empire, for instance, Jews faced immense pressure to assimilate. However, they staunchly resisted, upholding their customs and religious practices. This defiance was most evident during the Great Revolt (66-73 AD), where Jews fought relentlessly against Roman rule, choosing death over forsaking their religious identity.
Further, in medieval Europe, despite facing pogroms, expulsions, and forced conversions, Jews remained firm in their religious convictions and fidelity to the Torah. They established self-governing communities known as 'kehillot', preserving their religious and cultural practices despite the hostile external environment. Such steadfastness was again demonstrated during the Holocaust when Jews, despite unimaginable hardships, continued to observe their traditions in secret.
Jewish identity has thrived despite centuries of adversity. The Jewish community's survival and continuity are deeply rooted in self-definition and resilience. Their journey underscores the importance of standing steadfast in your identity, resisting external pressures, and preserving your traditions, beliefs, and values.
The Jewish community's resilience offers powerful insights and lessons for other communities and individuals facing similar challenges. Whether it's maintaining cultural practices in the face of assimilation pressures or upholding beliefs amid persecution, the Jewish experience teaches us the importance of preserving one's identity. In fact, the moniker “Hebrew” – “Ivri” used in the Bible to describe Abraham, the father of the Jewish People, means to stand apart from the majority. It hails from Abraham who stood on the other side of his contemporary society, rejecting the rampant paganism of his era, encapsulating the Jewish spirit to remain true to its values, even when it means swimming against the current.
Below are some of the Jewish community's main driving values and traditions:
Integral to the endurance of Jewish identity are core religious values, which have provided a foundation of continuity and resilience. Primary among these is the emphasis on Torah learning and education. Education in Jewish law and philosophy has been the compass guiding Jews through years of diaspora and hardship. Jewish culture highly values the pursuit of knowledge and education. This tradition is reflected in the push on academic achievement and intellectual pursuits.
The principle of Ahavat Yisrael – love for one's fellow Jew – underscores the collective responsibility Jews feel for each other, a concept deeply embedded in Jewish consciousness. This interconnectedness has been instrumental in maintaining Jewish identity, even when scattered throughout the globe.
In Jewish tradition, every person is believed to be created in the image of God. This belief endows individuals with inherent dignity and respect, fostering an ethical society that values every member.
Observance of Shabbat and the importance of family have been critical pillars in Jewish life, providing rest, reflection, and a sense of community. The importance of family life has reinforced Jewish identity, serving as a sanctuary for preserving and transmitting tradition and values.
The dietary laws, or Kashrut, have played a significant role in Jewish identity. The adherence to these laws, which dictate what is permissible to eat and how food is prepared, has often set Jews apart from the societies they've inhabited, reinforcing a strong sense of distinctiveness.
These beliefs and values underscore the community's commitment to live by their values throughout history. Just as I help my therapy clients to better define themselves in the context of their family, friends, and society, the Jewish people have been solid in defining who they are throughout history. The Jewish community's enduring spirit and resilience are a product of their historical experiences and a testament to their inherent strength. Their story offers a powerful lesson about the importance of self-definition, particularly when others want you to be someone you are not.
The divine proclamation to Moses, "I am who I am," reflects strongly in the narrative of Jewish identity. This statement serves as an affirmation of self-definition and inalterability. It is an assertion of identity that defies change under external influences, much like the Jewish community's unwavering dedication to preserving their traditions and values. Just as God revealed Himself to Moses as a being defined by Himself alone, the Jewish community, too, has charted its course through history by its own definitions, resisting attempts of external shaping or alteration. This parallel draws a compelling connection between the defining characteristics of the Jewish community and the divine self-definition offered by God to Moses.
It reveals that identity is not simply a label assigned by society but a profoundly personal conception born from one's beliefs, traditions, and experiences. Just as the Jewish people have managed to preserve their identity amidst constant challenges, so can you maintain your unique identity despite prevailing societal norms or pressures. In a therapeutic context, it is essential to facilitate this kind of self-definition, empowering clients to discover and affirm their unique identities in the context of their social networks. Like the Jewish community, each person's identity combines inherited traditions, personal convictions, and lived experiences. It is essential to honor and explore these components in therapy to foster a robust sense of self and resilience.
In the contemporary climate, it is more imperative than ever to remain true to your identity, embracing your unique beliefs, traditions, and experiences. As an individual and being part of a society, you can learn from the resilience of the Jewish community, employing their strategies to resist external pressures. Just as the Jewish people have managed to maintain their unique identities throughout history, you, too, should strive to champion your individuality, fortifying your resilience against any form of hateful ideologies. Your identity should be celebrated, not suppressed, forming the bedrock of your psychological well-being and societal harmony.
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Beautiful article and great comments responses, such a fan of your blog and books too, thank you Dr. Ilene!
Wonderful to hear! Thank you 🙂
Thanks for the wonderful inputs! Shalom 🙂
Let's not oversimplify this issue. In between those who always acquiesce and those who never yield to the people around them, there are normal, well-balanced people who are able to make choices.
On a case-by-case basis, we can decide whether to cooperate with others, even if we don't fully agree with what they want, or to resist and try to persuade the others to cooperate with our way. Far worse than the "people-pleaser" who always backs down is the person who knows no compromise.
A world where everyone stubbornly "remains true to one's self" is a world of inaction and conflict.
Understanding and staying true to oneself is indeed a fundamental aspect of personal integrity and authenticity. Nevertheless, it's also essential to recognize that we are woven into the fabric of a broader community. Being our own person does not preclude us from being harmoniously integrated within society.
Defining who we are individually provides us with a sense of identity and self-respect, but it is equally important to be mindful of how we fit into the larger system around us. Learning to balance self-awareness with social awareness allows us to pursue personal goals while also contributing positively to the collective needs and values of the community. By doing so, we can be true to ourselves without succumbing to stubbornness or inaction that leads to conflict.
Thank you for your response. You make the important point that we need to be mindful of what it is that we are balancing.
We need to be mindful that there may be aspects of our identity which are NOT harmonious within society and we should aspire to do better.
We also need to be mindful of the impacts that associations: religious, political, and others, have on our identity. We are naturally tribal but we shouldn't contort ourselves to win the approval of our tribe. We shouldn't be afraid to listen to the other tribes and to learn from them; they will be more accepting of us if we do. We shouldn't fear the blurring of lines; let our tribal identity evolve.
Can't we listen to those who say "love thy neighbor" and put it first without losing the principle of Ahavat Yisrael?
You indeed raise a very good point regarding the complexity of balancing our personal and group identities within the broader context of society. It's crucial to recognize and strive towards bettering any discordant aspects of our identity that may not align with societal harmony.
Your thoughts on the influence of various associations, be it religious or political, are particularly pertinent. Retaining individual authenticity while navigating our inherent tribal tendencies is a delicate process. The ability to engage with differing viewpoints, to learn from them without losing the core of our own identity, is invaluable for mutual acceptance and growth.
Excellent!
The article explains why we are still a people while other races have disappeared. We do not and should not compromise our beliefs just to make others like us.