Vampire Weekend's Surprising Jewish Stories
5 min read
I lost 30 pounds and looked great on the outside, but on the inside, I still felt fat, ugly, and awkward.
If I were to step onto the scale, the number would be the highest it’s ever been. In the past, I’d be devastated about this. But now, it doesn’t faze me, because I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and finally have a positive view of my body.
I couldn’t imagine feeling this way just a few years ago, because all my life I thought I was fat… and that made me worthless. If only I’d lose those “extra pounds,” I would be satisfied with how I looked. I would finally be happy.
I realized that I was overweight in middle school and got serious about dieting after my bat mitzvah, sometime during the seventh grade. It was in the air. Other girls my age did it. I thought it was normal. I also thought it was normal to view my body in a negative light, to think that I was fat and not beautiful.
I thought it was normal to view my body in a negative light, to think that I was fat and not beautiful.
I had a food journal where I kept track of every piece of food that entered my mouth. I’d drag myself out of bed at 6 a.m. to run before school. I thought about diet and exercise constantly. I looked great on the outside – I lost 30 pounds by the time eighth grade rolled around and I was a petite size 6 – but on the inside, nothing changed. I still felt exactly the same as I always had: fat, ugly, and awkward. I assumed the problem was that I was not small enough. Or maybe I was just inherently unpretty and doomed to a life of feeling this way.
I kept trying to lose more weight, to push myself harder, to eat foods that were bland and punish myself when I had “junk food” or slept in and missed my morning run. Honestly, I was lucky not to have developed a full-blown eating disorder.
When I was 17, as I stood in the kitchen one morning measuring non-fat milk and pouring it on top of plain corn flakes, I decided I was done. I couldn’t live like this anymore. I wasn’t living. I was torturing myself.
I started eating intuitively, focusing on foods that gave me energy and made me feel good. I slept as much as I needed to and exercised because it improved my mood and it was fun. I didn’t punish myself when my dress size went up. I felt good, and that was apparent. I was glowing.
This experience not only taught me how important it is to love my body and myself, but also that other women were suffering as well. I noticed that the messages they received from clothing retailers weren’t helping. If you weren’t petite, you didn’t deserve to look good. There was no nice clothing for women above a size 12. I wanted to change fashion and make shopping a less stressful and traumatic experience for women who didn’t fit the mold, just like me.
So when I was in my early 20s, I started designing modest clothing for women. I called my company Impact Fashion, and we now carry sizes 2-28. The clothing is high-fashion and beautiful, because women deserve to feel gorgeous at any size.
The idea that beauty stops at a size 12 is ingrained so far deep in all of us that looking good was actually a shock to some of my customers.
Over and over again, I’ve heard the same thing from my customers: “I’ve never even felt pretty. No one let me feel pretty. Your clothes have shown me that it’s possible.” The idea that beauty stops at a size 12 is ingrained so far deep in all of us that looking good was actually a shock to some of my customers. The women I now dress had very few options before; I’m honored to be able to provide them with more, and also make a positive impact on the clothing industry.
In my brand messaging, I make sure to talk about my personal story and show women of all sizes that they don’t have to feel bad about their bodies. There is a different path they can take. They can love themselves, no matter what the number on the scale says.
It took a while for me to learn this. But now that I have, I hope to spread that lesson to the world, while making it a little more beautiful with my designs and my loving messages at the same time.
Rivky Itzkowitz is the founder of Impact Fashion, a modest clothing line in sizes 2-28. She’s also the host of Be Impactful, a podcast about the women making a difference in their own corners of the world.
Rivky, great article and by the way, you are quite attractive- on the outside and the inside. Keep your chin up and that beautiful smile on!
I am 80. I was born fat and have never come to terms with it. GREAT ARTICLE!
Laurie I have been overweight since 3rd grade and now I am 70. I have never come to terms with it either. I have great admiration for people who have.
It's important not to worry about looks however obesity is a big problem in the jewish community despite the fact that the Torah says V'nishmartem meod lnafshosheichem - that you should guard your soul very carefully. Major health organizations declared obesity to be a disease...we are supposed to listen to the doctors
Do you think shaming people will motivate them to lose weight? The Torah May say to guard my soul but my soul is not the shape of my body. Shame on you.
Ari, let's look at the other side of the Situation, Has any health organization spoken out as strongly about the other disease - ANOREXIA NERVOSA - those who are way too thin, and still think they should eat at little as possible... When you cut just "calories" and leave out essential nutrients that your body is craving for, you are starving yourself. Every human being Born is DIFFERENT - even Identical twins BECAUSE THEY have Two DIFFERENT aspects of Neshamot - Soul powers. Also Instead of emphasizing their FAT shape so much, get them out there DOING something POSITIVE... instead of just sitting around watching TV and snacking on Chips or French Fries.
Thank you for the article, it will be inspirational to more than a few people, beauty has nothing to do with size, it radiates from within,and you have it,Bless you.🌼🌷🌈
I’ll never get why in modesty culture a woman’s weight is still fair game to talk about. Either in the form of derogatory speech when said woman is not in the room or when the woman is actually in the room and mocked for weight
Yes, it's true not to get depressed over weight - and the human body is the most amazing (physical) object that God has created, so we should certainly be very happy about it.That said, as another commentator mentioned, healthy foods make a major difference. Also, Dr. Joseph Mercola, one of the most major natural health experts in the US says repeatedly that seed oils -- including Canola, soybean and cottonseed are extremely unhealthy -- even raw, how much more so heated. Coconut oil is good for cooking, and an egg can be cooked in butter (just heat the butter well so it does not stick to the pan, but not hot enough to burn and give a burnt taste).
Stevia can be used for drinks, and coconut sugar for cooking and baking (also xylitol etc. for cooking). Ideally eating within 12 hr. window
Please cite real medical experts....not quacks like mercola
Joe Mercola reversed his views on the ketogenic diet. And stevia, as well as all artificial sweeteners have a negative impact on the gut microbiome, glycemic control, and other negative effects.
Extra fat is not healthy and overweight is not healthy. I disagree with the slant of this article to say it makes people unhappy to be trim and not burden the body with too much food. Eating mindfully is really where I stand and knowing nutritional value of foods. Just because it tastes good is not a reason to to eat and gain more than us sensibly borne by one’s frame.
As someone who comes from a long line of subtle eating disorders in my family, recovering myself, this is an amazing article. Good job, Aish, for posting.
It's not about a number on the scale. It's about health, both inside and out. It's about not being a pawn of the processed food industry. Healthy at any size is a myth. Carrying extra adipose tissue is a health issue, not a moral issue. And it's wonderful to love yourself and dress well at any size. If you don't love yourself when overweight, you won't love yourself when thin. I know from personal experience. It takes a lifetime of work.
Important to focus on fitness not fatness
Movement is more important than size unless that size is on the extremes. Our bodies don’t count calories they look for nutrients. Real and whole foods that nourish and make us feel better by contributing to good health are more important than the numbers associated with that food. Kudos to the author for promoting health over a certain appearance.
This woman is so small and she is telling us about how she is happy with her weight. Yeah I bet you are.
Beautiful!
You, your post, your encouragement to all who read it! Our granddaughter is 10 and has a beautiful soul and figure like yours. I’m going to show my wife your post and clothes. Thank you for writing and for embracing the person you were lovingly made to be!