I Grew Up as a Roman Catholic and Embraced My Judaism in Israel

“For most of my life, I had no idea that I was Jewish. My dad is Catholic and my mom converted to Catholicism for my dad. She was Jewish and her mother was Jewish.” Today, Kaitlyn Valese, who grew up Roman Catholic in New Jersey, is a practicing Jew studying in Jerusalem.

Kaitlyn grew up in Livingston, New Jersey surrounded by a large Jewish community, but had no idea she was Jewish. According to Jewish law, religion is passed through a maternal line of descent, so Kaitlyn was Jewish since her mother was Jewish, despite converting to Catholicism.

“I was involved in my local church, I got confirmed,” Kaitlyn recalled. “I stopped identifying as a Catholic in high school. I wasn’t all that interested in religion. I celebrated the major holidays of Christmas and Easter but nothing else. I attended plenty of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs as many of my neighbors and friends from school were Jewish.”

Jewish Roommate in College

Kaitlyn's Jewish journey began when she went to college in Maryland and was paired with a Jewish roommate. Her roommate invited her to Friday night dinners run by Etz Chaim, a social group for Jewish students. "I was allowed to come because the head of the program recognized that I was Jewish. I began understanding that I could identify as Jewish if I wanted to, but I didn’t yet choose to do so. I thought the whole night was kind of cool, I was inspired by the singing. I went back and I began to make more Jewish friends on campus," Kaitlyn recounted.

Kaitlyn, right, with her madricha Leah Schwartz

During her sophomore year, some Jewish friends went on a Birthright trip to Israel and Kaitlyn decided to join. “It seemed like it could be fun and it was a free trip to Israel, so I decided to join. We saw a very picturesque version of Israel. While the trip helped me connect with my friends it didn’t change much about how I identified.”

Through her friends and continued experiences at Etz Chaim, by the end of college Kaitlyn was already introducing herself to others as someone who grew up Roman Catholic but was actually Jewish. “I began to feel that I could identify as a Jewish person, and that was a major step on my journey.”

After college Kaitlyn moved to Baltimore to attend graduate school at Baltimore University. She took a master's degree in industrial organizational psychology. “The goal of the program is to make businesses more efficient but with more of a holistic view.”

During her degree, her professor, the only other Jew in the class, organized a study trip to Israel for the entire class. During the trip, Kaitlyn was introduced to a lot of the challenges that Israel faces from her meetings with various companies and also learned about what was being done to solve them.

Kaitlyn reconnected with Etz Chaim in Baltimore where she met Chana Grove, one of the directors, who began learning with Kaitlyn and showed her how much fun cultural Judaism can be.

Learning in Israel

That summer they had a trip to Israel that focused on returning to one’s roots through study. “I was torn because I had a temp job that was going to extend two weeks into the trip and to go on it I would have to quit my job. I didn’t want to look bad in front of my bosses but Chana convinced me to go and it changed my life,” Kaitlyn said.

Visiting Aish with Dan and Chana Grove, on the Etz Chaim Return to Learn trip

“The trip visited the Dan Family Aish World Center in Jerusalem, as well as other seminaries and schools. While at Aish, Rabbi Mikhail Dubov gave a lecture on Good vs. Evil and what it means to be a good person and one’s relationship with God. This was the first time that I thought about what a relationship with God means,” she explained. “Growing up we were told to have a relationship with Jesus and not God, so this was different for me because I never really thought about having a relationship with God.”

“We had some inspiring lectures,” Kaitlyn continued, “and I was standing on the roof of the building looking out at the Western Wall and I became very emotional. We then traveled to Hebron to the Tomb of the Patriarchs. At the tomb, I thought to myself that God had surrounded me with Judaism my whole life. I grew up in a town with a large Jewish population, I had lots of friends who were Jewish, and yet I didn’t know anything about it, or what I was doing about my being Jewish. It was at that moment, being inspired by the lectures, and by where I was, that I decided that I wanted to know more. I wanted to know what I was doing about my being Jewish."

Kaitlyn credits Aish as being a major part of her journey. “My exposure to Aish on the trip, and then through Chana’s lectures, many of which I learned drew from Aish concepts, and a later visit by Rabbi Dubov to Baltimore who gave a lecture, all pointed me to the realization that I needed to study more. When Rabbi Dubov told me about Aish Aspire, his wife’s program at Aish, I thought that it would be the right move for me.”

Staying During the War

Kaitlyn finished her degree and then came to Israel to study at Aish in the summer of 2023. She was here in October when Israel was attacked by Hamas. When most of the other girls on the program headed home during the first few weeks of the war, Kaitlyn stayed. “My parents wanted me to go back to the States, but I wanted to stay in Israel and keep growing and continue studying. Aish Aspire did a lot of volunteering programs and that made me feel like I was part of the war effort. Even though there were some points that I was studying by myself as there were so few participants, I felt that I needed to stay and help. Had I gone back to the States, I wouldn’t be helping at all and I would have felt very frustrated at that. I am very thankful for the volunteering opportunities.”

Kaitlyn, center, with other Project Aspire participants

Kaitlyn’s family had some difficulty with her journey, and although they struggled to understand it, they have been very supportive for the most part. “My parents didn’t understand my desire to be here,” Kaitlyn said, “especially during the war. When I explained to them that I was happy to be here and that I felt like I was fulfilling my purpose by being here, the idea began to grow on them. What they really want is for me to be happy, letting them know that I am at my happiest here, right now, has made it a lot easier for them to accept it. My mom was very supportive of my journey and always loved the concept of tradition. She looks upon my journey and sees it as something that she never had, but now she has also been getting involved and has even been going to some Chabad events. For my dad, it is a bit harder as Judaism isn’t something he is in any way familiar with. However, once I was able to help them understand that being here makes me happy, he got on board also.”

Volunteering in Israel

Kaitlyn recently left Aish and is now studying in a more advanced seminary in Israel. "I still love doing research and I'm excited to start my career, but I am also excited to keep studying Judaism and exploring who I am. For now, that is what I’m doing as I decide whether or not to stay in Israel and build my career here or back in the United States.

“Aish did a terrific job in helping me on my journey. The mentors at Aish really emphasize the idea of connecting with one’s self and helping each person focus on who they can be and finding what works for them. They help so much and allow each person to have their own space with guided mentorship. I feel that my journey of self-discovery is solid and constant and will not be temporary. They gave me the space I needed to explore and develop and helped me build a strong foundation to continue my personal growth into the future, and that is what I am truly thankful for.”

For 50 years, Aish has been at the forefront of imparting timeless Jewish wisdom, uplifting and inspiring people like Kaitlyn to live more thoughtful, spiritual, and impactful lives.

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