American Bigots
3 min read
What the plague of frogs reveals about the patterns we can't seem to break.
You yell at your kid and nothing changes, so you yell louder. You micromanage your team and they keep dropping the ball, so you micromanage more. You push, they pull away, so you push harder.
We like to think persistence is a virtue — and it usually is. Determination and grit are genuine strengths. But there's another kind of persistence: the kind that keeps swinging long after it's clear the blows are only making things worse. That's not grit. That's stubbornness dressed up as effort.
And a 3,000-year-old story about frogs nails it exactly. The Egyptians had a problem, attacked it the only way they knew how, and in doing so made it catastrophically worse.
During the plague of frogs, the Midrash (collection of ancient rabbinic teachings) tells us that one gigantic, Godzilla-like frog came out of the Nile, terrifying the Egyptians. They grabbed clubs and attacked it. But every time they hit it, the frog miraculously spat out swarms of smaller frogs. The harder they swung, the worse it got, until all of Egypt was overrun.
The frogs headed straight for Pharaoh, invading his palace, his bedroom, his personal space, dismantling every corner of his life. They crawled on skin, squirmed in beds, bit the Egyptians, and let out deafening croaks that made sleep and conversation impossible. The suffering was total.
And the Egyptians brought much of it on themselves.
Are we really that different?
We all have our go-to moves when something isn't working — a tone of voice, a management style, a way of arguing. And sometimes, even when it's obvious the approach is failing, we double down anyway. We keep hitting the frog.
The boss who doesn't trust her team micromanages every detail, putting everyone on edge. Her team disengages, makes more mistakes, and she tightens her grip further, creating exactly the problem she feared. The father who yells at his kid for the same thing, week after week. The relationship frays, nothing changes, but it's the only tool he reaches for.
We see it not working. We keep doing it.
So how do we stop? There are four steps: awareness, acceptance, choice, and maintenance.
It starts with catching ourselves in the act. Awareness is an objective and unbiased analysis of what it is like for the people we care about to be in our presence. Discovering this is paramount.
Acceptance includes knowing our strengths and weaknesses as well as owning them and bravely admitting that they are ours.
Choice involves prioritizing what to do about our shortcomings and deciding to improve ourselves instead of manufacturing excuses. In essence, it means resolving to make the development of our character one of the most important goals in our lives. In the current example, it would translate into making the conscious choice to stop “hitting the frog” and seeking out alternative and more productive solutions.
Lastly, maintenance requires implementing tactics for actualizing a plan for self-improvement. This is where practical, day-to-day actions and initiatives are taken to reach our growth goals.
When you consistently follow these four steps, nothing can stop you on your path of personal growth.
Passover is the opportunity to attain freedom, including breaking the patterns that trap you — the loops you keep running even when you can see they aren't working.
Identify the frogs you keep hitting, and courageously choose to change your habits.
