Four Ways to Strengthen Your Gratitude Muscle

When author A.J. Jacobs was trying to increase gratitude in his life, he decided to start by focusing on his morning cup of coffee. He began making a list of all the people who contributed to making the coffee that he enjoyed each day. At the dinner table with his family, he shared how he was grateful for the farmers, chemists, mechanics, marketers, biologists and truckers that were all a part of his one cup of coffee.

Jacobs’ ten-year-old son was confused: “Dad, what is the point of listing who you have gratitude for if none of those people can hear that you appreciate them?”

So began A.J. Jacobs’ project to travel and personally thank, face to face, people all over the world who were involved in producing his cup of coffee. In his book, Thanks a Thousand: A Gratitude Journey, Jacobs shares how he discovered that his coffee and countless other things in our lives would not be possible without the thousands of people we usually take for granted.

Here are four effective strategies for thankfulness that A.J. shares from his gratitude journey.

1. Focus on what goes right every day.

We all have an instinctive tendency to notice what went wrong each day and to not even think about the dozens of things that went right for us. The one negative comment can easily overshadow the many good reviews. The unfinished task at the bottom of our to-do list can seemingly erase the ten projects that we did finish that day.

Declare war on the negative bias. You can change your focus by making a list at the end of the day of everything that went right, big and small, and you will find your gratitude increasing for the hundreds of things that go right every day.

2. Learn how to savor your life.

There is an art to slowing down and appreciating the smallest details of our lives. You can savor a taste, but you can also savor an experience. Ironically, it doesn’t take a lot of time out of your day to notice the aroma of your coffee or the comfort of the hot mug in your hands. It only takes a moment to see how the sunlight lights up the leaves of the tree in front of your house or the sound of your children’s laughter from the kitchen.

Sometimes it can feel like time is rushing by and you don’t know how the days and years have just slipped by. When you try to savor the little things in your life, you will simultaneously find yourself appreciating the fullness of your days and your life.

3. Practice six degrees of thankfulness.

When you want to appreciate anything, think back to the six degrees of people that were a part of bringing it into your life. When Jacobs went to thank the farmers who grew the beans for his coffee, they began talking about the hundreds of other people that contributed to their ability to run their farm. They spoke about the machine from Brazil that they needed to de-pulp the fruit and the pickup truck that is manufactured from parts all over the globe. The list can go way beyond six degrees when you think about the steelworkers, the people who clean the factories and the dozens of different people involved in creating, selling and marketing the coffee mug you grab each morning.

Practicing six degrees of thankfulness reminds us how interconnected we really are and how we are all part of something so much bigger than we can imagine.

4. Fake it until you feel it.

It isn’t always easy to feel grateful, especially if we are having a hard day or experiencing a challenging period in our lives. But in his gratitude journey, Jacobs decided to act in a grateful way even when he wasn’t feeling especially grateful. He wrote thank you notes to people even when he was in a bad mood. He picked up the phone to say thank you even when he didn’t feel like it.

A.J. quotes the founder of Habitat for Humanity who said, “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting.” Act as though you are grateful and you will eventually begin to feel like you really are.

The first words that come out of a Jew’s mouth are the short prayer of Modeh Ani: Thank You God for giving me another day. Thank you for believing in me so much that You are granting me another morning. And no matter how tired you might be or how stressful the day ahead seems, you learn to say thank You anyway. You learn to express gratitude even when it is hard to wake up. You learn to notice what is right in your life and to savor the moments that you are given.

As Thanksgiving approaches, you can begin your own gratitude journey anew. Look around the table and think about the thousands of people who were a part of bringing your family together once again to say thank you. For everything.