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Did I Miss My Chance at Love?

August 21, 2014 | by Bari (Baila) Lyman

Three mantras for finding your soul mate.

Question: I’m 48 and have never been married. I can’t help but feel like no one will want me and that I’ve missed the boat. All of my friends are married and have children, and I feel resentful and jealous. Is it too late for me?

Regardless of their age, many singles worry that they’ve somehow missed their chance at love.

But worrying about your situation isn’t going to help.

Here are three specific things you can do right now to change your situation.


Can it happen for you? Yes, of course it can.

We are capable of transcending any of our disempowering, limited thinking. We are limited only by what we believe is possible.

The people we admire most—our greatest heroes—overcome great odds. Think of Rabbi Akiva, Victor Frankl, and perhaps even your best friend who, after two lousy marriages, changed her reality and met and married “the one.”

Your time is now. You can’t change the past, but you can change the future.

The first and most important steps involve allowing yourself to believe that what you want is possible and letting go of your worries that it’s not possible.

If you truly want to meet and marry your perfect match, you need to vibrate authentic, accepting, self-loving energy. You want to be an attraction magnet for love. Shame, fear, and darkness carry a very low vibration that causes us to repel good things. But joy, self-love, and acceptance make us interesting and colorful and beautiful.

Adopt this mantra: I believe that now is my time to manifest extraordinary love and partnership in my life. The past does not equal the future.


Your journey is your journey.

The key to having what you want is realizing that there is only one you. Everyone has their own challenges.

Everything that happens in life is a test of our faith. Each person has his or her unique tests.

Instead of comparing yourself to others and beating yourself up because you’re not like them, allow yourself to start accepting that wherever you are in your life—whatever you’ve been through, whatever has transpired in your life—is divine. Every experience has been a beautiful lesson and part of your unique journey.

Adopt this mantra: I’ve lived, I’ve loved, and I’ve learned. My journey and life experiences have formed me and given me wonderful lessons. I embrace my journey and am proud of where I come from.


Take a look at what it is you find yourself feeling regretful about and choose to forgive yourself and others for whatever it is you believe was so wrong and terrible.

So many of us carry around a lot of shame and see ourselves as flawed. If you’re caught up in feeling ashamed and flawed, you’re going to attract people who play into those feelings and might even make you feel them more intensely.

You’ll notice that I emphasize the word choose. Why? We can’t change things that have happened in the past, but we do have a choice about what we make things mean.

Before I had my own breakthroughs that liberated me and opened up the path which led me to my bashert, my soul mate, I believed that there was something wrong with me. Guess what? I kept attracting men who thought there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t until I did the inner work that allowed me to let go of these disempowering stories about myself that I realized I am fine and deserved extraordinary love.

You are a child of God and deserving of love because you are a human being, and human beings are born to love and connect.

Whatever happened in the past, know that you did the best you could with the information you had. Period. Spending time in regret creates negative energy. Joy and forgiveness and acceptance are positive and attract the like.

Adopt this mantra: I am lovable and deserving of love. I love myself unconditionally. If I make a mistake, I can make it right and move on.

To be the one to find the one, you need to start with healthy thinking and self-love, not more external dating tips. You need to establish the right foundation for being an attraction magnet for love.

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