SpeedDating® Tip #4: Dressing for Dates - a Guiding Principle

As you stand in front of your closet deciding what to wear on your date here's a guiding principle you may find helpful: dress in an attractive but not attracting way.

What's the difference between "attractive" versus "attracting"? A quick test is to ask the following question: "When I look at myself in the mirror do I notice a put-together person, or do I notice parts of my body or attire? In addition, will people be able to easily focus on my face?"

Remember in these SpeedDating tips we're talking about dating for marriage. The goal is to dress in a way that helps your date focus on the real you -- the part of you that is eternal -- your character, your dreams, your goals…your soul. Deep, mutual attraction and commitment to these aspects of self is what creates the potential for lifelong marriage.

The face, more than any other part of the body, is a window into the person's soul. Just as each face is , so is each person's true self. And that is where you want to place your attention. Dressing "to attract" takes the focus off these deeper aspects of self while emphasizing the more superficial, physical side that can block you and your date from getting to know who each other truly is.

Before continuing -- we'll quickly caveat that we're not recommending that you dress unattractively or dress in a potato sack.

What you choose to wear includes more than clothing. Watches, pens and jewelry can also block getting to know someone. Wearing a Rolex or using a Monte Blanc can be fine -- it's the attitude you hold toward them: Is it important to you that your date notice them, or not?

While physical attraction and often financial responsibility are important, they alone cannot sustain a lifelong marriage. And they are typically not reliable indicators regarding the potential for lasting love. So, it's key that you and your date get to know each other beyond the superficial before deciding to invest significant time with each other -- otherwise you risk temporarily falling for someone you later realize is not for you.

Not only does dressing in a manner that de-emphasizes your body and possessions help you avoid GONEs [go-nowhere entanglement], it conveys a confidence that you like who you really are and that there's more to you than meets the eye. And this type of confidence is attractive to other healthy MMS's [marriage-minded singles].

Some singles question this principle, "but if I don't dress 'to attract,' then I won't attract anyone." While this may feel true because they've dated many superficially focused people, it's not the truth. The reality is that following this tip will more likely help attract the kind of person you want to marry. He/she will be interested in more than fleeting qualities and impressed with the focus you bring to the more lasting aspects of relationships. In addition, one of the most attractive qualities for marriage-minded singles is meeting a date who is happy with who she is, confident with what she's done and optimistic about where's she's going.

Perhaps you will experience some "rejections" by the not-interested-in-marriage crowd -- but again, when the goal is marriage, these rejections are good news, not bad news. You are quickly eliminating the Wrongs, avoiding GONE's, and remaining available for when you meet The One.

TIP SUMMARY: Dressing attractively -- not to attract -- is an essential ingredient to avoiding GONE's and finding your lifelong spouse.

The entire SpeedDating for Marriage system can be found in the book "SpeedDating - A Timesaving Guide to Finding Your Lifelong Love"