Three Things Every Jew Needs to Hear at the Seder This Year
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The neurologist told me I have mild cognitive impairment. I left his office in complete shock, unable to grasp this news.
I knew I had a problem but dementia didn't occur to me.
Life was fairly idyllic in Beit Zayit, a small communal village down the hill from Jerusalem. Our folk dancing sessions were in a room with a window that looked out at Yad Vashem, Israel’s Holocaust Memorial Museum, where we literally danced in the shadow of death. My daily walks past the olive groves were constant reminders of the special beauty of the place.
The lapses in my memory that were happening at that time were easy to chalk up to age. They weren't particularly serious memory problems and mostly related to people's names and faces and details of events.
"Dad, we were there together two weeks ago.” I was dumbfounded. When he described our trip to Caesarea it was completely black for me. I had no memory of it at all.
That changed with a visit to the National Park in Caesarea. I was excited by my experience and called my son to tell him about it. "Dad, we were there together two weeks ago.” I was dumbfounded. When he described our trip to Caesarea it was completely black for me. I had no memory of it at all.
Something was wrong.
The neurologist gave me a MoCA test, commonly used to assess cognitive impairment, and ordered an MRI of my brain.
When I returned to the neurologist to get the test results he told me I have "MCI" – a term I never heard of. It means mild cognitive impairment. By the time I left his office I was in complete shock. I couldn't even start to grasp this news.
I didn't get over that shock. In fact, after that biggest-of-all-shocks there came more shocks from various things that happened. Over time I have found ways to deal with this condition that sits in a range of various shades of gray and black. How do you react to learning how dementia leads to the disintegration of a person to the point where there is no connection between who the person was and who they are now? How can you possibly relate to the unimaginable suffering that the family goes through as they become the person's caregivers, who have their loved one bring them to the edge and beyond of their capability to cope with their new situation physically, emotionally, morally, socially, financially, legally, and in other ways?
All of this along with complete uncertainty as to what the future will bring – how fast will I decline, what tricky situations and moral dilemmas will arise, and how this will affect the family and surroundings?
There are options on how to relate to the onset of dementia. One way is to not know what is really happening; only after his death did the family of Robin Williams find that he suffered from a severe case of Lewy Body Dementia.
Another method is denial and attributing what's happening to regular aging or to the stupidity of people who try to say something is happening. Another option is to know in the back of your mind that something is wrong but hide from it. Fear, rejection, and loss of security are very powerful forces that have to be faced when confronting dementia. In looking back on my own situation, I have wondered whether my dementia – my declining ability to think – was already developed before I came to realize that I have this condition.
In addition to sharply reduced memory I feel that my brain is disintegrating, that with time my thinking is slower, that there are disruptive physical results of my brain changes, and that I'm moving closer to what I call the "Black Line" between being a whole person and losing my personhood in many ways.
My professional background is as a Management Consultant, establishing structure and procedures in Organization and Operations in large manufacturing companies. As incredibly bizarre as it sounds, my dementia has changed me into a different person – a person who I like being better than the person I was before. One of the strongest and most impactful things that has happened to me is that I'm thinking less and feeling more. There is one word that keeps popping into my gut: "release". As my thinking was going down it opened up space for my feelings to go up.
I realized that it was difficult to relate to because there are no words in the English language for what I was feeling. So thanks to the power of release I started to make up words. The first was a counterpart to MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment). Yes, I was definitely feeling that my Cognitive ability was Impaired, but I was also very much feeling that my Emotion was Enhanced. So I created the term MEE – Mild Emotional Enhancement. I don't have to be defined by how the world or the English language defines me; I can be defined by how I define me. I have MEE – Mild Emotional Enhancement.
And once the word-genie was released from the bottle it was clear that many words and concepts were missing from our language and awareness. Why do we have "Mindfulness" but not "Feelingfulness"? Feelingfulness has led me to cry frequently, but I don't feel like I'm crying out of sadness or pain, but rather from the feeling of connection between my guts and something outside of me. So instead of "crying" I invented "gutweep".
An activity that I found particularly fulfilling is thinking about what I want written on my tombstone. It has made me think about who I am and what I have brought into the world.
While dementia is opening up the emotional part of me, it is taking away from the thinking side of me. I'm very aware that the release I’m feeling is for a very limited time, until my dementia develops further and I get yet closer to the Black Line. While the neurologists do their best to determine where I'm at, I've learned that sensing and observing myself is the best way for me to know where I stand. I watch for signs of decline and I see that they are happening. My physical control of my body has declined such that for the first time people are starting to ask me, "Can I help you with that?" when I'm trying to do something physical. Shaking has become continuous. Issues of balance and walking have come up. It was very scary for me when I started to tell someone about one of my sons and I couldn't remember his name. I've learned that with dementia things that start out small develop into much larger things. There is much I do not look forward to.
With this awareness I started to feel about my death and beyond. An activity that I found particularly fulfilling is thinking about what I want written on my tombstone. It has made me think about who I am and what I have brought into the world.
Part of my mission now is to raise awareness and conversation about dementia. My dying is deeply impacting my living, and my living is providing me with a deep feeling of calmness and fullness, of release, in my dying.
Dear Wally, I'm not a doctor nor a "natural healer" and am not generally inclined to give unsolicited opinions/medical advice....BUT I am an English teacher I just loved the part of this saga where you describe making up words/phrases that fit your situation...MEE is brilliant!! May Hashem bring you a miraculous refuah and may your enhanced "release power" continue to light up your world and ours as well! (PS I'm entering my 70's soon, I appreciate that you have provided me with a brilliant window to look through, in order to see a decline in cognitive abilities as "not the end of the world"...Moshiach now, of course!)
My mother battled multiple sclerosis (ms) disease for about 7 years. Searching for a more natural approach to add to her current regimen, we have been using various alternative methods, and she still experienced difficulty walking despite what Western medicine practitioners predicted. Nothing seemed to work until I found this website www. madibaherbalcenter. com . They said that the doctor has power over difficulty walking disease, so I contacted them via email , and I received responses immediately. After receiving the herbal remedies, my mother used them as instructed. Within seven weeks, my mom went back to her doctor, who informed her that she was completely cured of MS. I never thought this herbal medicine would work, but based on the online testimonies about this doctor curing many d
Yes, essential to raise awareness, but why not also prevention? Dementia and Alzheimers starts decades before the symptoms appear. The lifestyle/health choices we make in our 30s and 40's can impact your brain at 70. MCI is not benign; it almost always leads to more advanced dementia, yet there is still a window of opportunity to stave off the worst through specific diet protocol, supplements and adaptagens, oral health, avoiding environmental toxins, optimizing blood sugar, quality sleep, exercise, meditation, challenging your brain, and more. Dr. Amen has written several books on this and runs a brain health clinic. Also, Dr. Mark D'Espsito from UC Berleley. Dr, Wendy Suzuki NYU. Dr. Lisa Mosconi (Cornell). Wishing you the best of years!
Thank for the article. It's a very frightening subject, but obviously it's extremely common to face cognitive decline in the modern era because people live much longer lives. It's good to see an example of someone who faces the challenge with calmness and dignity.
Mindboggling!
Thank you so much for writing this
I once read a story of a person who placed his own "modaat evel" at the entrance of his beis midrash so he would be starkly reminded every day of his mortality and true purpose.
Thanks for the reminder
Blessings
We are all in some way ill and are expecting moshiach any moment now more than ever, speedily in our days!
Beautiful Nina! And I'll take what you said very far because my dementia lets me feel release. I decided what to write on my tombstone and it's not a "stark reminder", it's a living guide to how to live my life! Frequently I'll be in situations and trying to figure out what to do, and I'll take direction from my own tombstone and proceed with my tombstone's help. Let's be careful -- the process of deciding what to put on my tombstone is at least as important as the result, and each person should go through a nice long process for themselves. Here's what I feel I've brought into the world, these are the twenty words I want on my tombstone: "to feel situations I'm in, and to bring my energies to make the situations richer for the people they touch". My tombstone is my guide for living.
I envy you!!! I have the beginning of dimentia, am not afraid to die and……wish I could die asap.
This is the most personal thing any of us will do in our lifetime, so it seems right that each person has their own feeling about dying. Miryom I've found that my feelings about dying have an effect on my feelings about living -- that living and dying are dancing a duet. They are dancing and I'm playing the music ...... let's go out on a high note!
Dear Sir,
Scary topic and have read about what foods and lifestyle to keep brain issues at bay.
Have you heard of Dr D Bredensen MD and how his patients recovered He also wrote a book The First Survivors of Alzheimer ‘s Life and Hope in their own words.
He has a protocol to enhance cognition.
You may find him
apollohealth.com/dr-bredensen
Wishing you health ad 120!
Shalom
Ranee
Hello Ranee yes and every time I hear about him I ask the same thing I'll ask you -- do you know or have you heard of someone other than the people he brings who has used his protocol and achieved the result he claims of reversal of Alzheimer's? Have you heard of any independent testing that supports his claim of reversal of Alzheimer's? Given his claims and the terrible impact of Alzheimer's I would think there are a lot of people using his protocol. I do daily the basic health activities of diet-sleep-lower stress-physical activity-mental exercise in any case. I would be delighted to get independent confirmation of what he claims but so far I've asked these questions plenty of times and haven't gotten a positive response even once. FYI the link you provided doesn't work.
I am sorry if you didn’t get a response
And i found another link you may try
Apollohealthco.com
I have read his book with the survivors testaments to his protocol.
I worry myself as my Dad may he rest in peace had it and pills do not seem to help but can have side effects.
Wishing you only good days ahead for many years
thank you for writing about what is the scariest thing on earth to me, i have defined myself by my brain, my intellect.
I understand you completely Imelda. I was the same, a Management Consultant whose life was putting in place order and straight lines, and that's who I was. If I hadn't gotten the Big Fist of Dementia placed right in front of my face I'm not sure I would have changed. Imelda I don't have any particular suggestion for how to get a trigger for change although I do wish you that it won't be dementia or anything like this, but I can say from first-hand experience that for me it's a beautiful ride (at least for now).
bsd
Dear R' Wally,
I am so taken by your bravery and your phenomenal wholesome and smart approach to a mammoth challenge. You have helped me put life into perspective and when I feel fearful will think of your remarkable words to encourage me to be brave in life.
I know this may sound strange but even though I felt compelled to write, there is a part of me that wants to just sit silently absorbing the profundity of your words. You are the real version of the word hero. May Hashem bless you and since I believe be Emuna Sheleima that He can do anything, I still pray for your healing or remission or the slowest slowest possible version of decline so that you will be blessed with years and years of sharing your strength and wisdom
How did you do that Sara Devora? How did you bring Psalm 19 so fully to life right here? You see all of life, all in perspective, as the whole of Psalm 19 so gloriously describes. And at the same time that you have this compelling and beautiful feeling, your guts connect you with the pinnacle of expression, with verse 4 of Psalm 19, with "a part of me that wants to just sit silently absorbing": ayn omer v'ayn devarim, bli nishma kolam above all the glorious expressions there is the expression that silence brings, there is no speech, there are no words, there is no sound. Sara Devora I am silent in awe of what you have brought here.
Thank you for opening my eyes. G-d Bless
Dear Wally. Thank you for sharing your profound insights into your current experience. I read your article on Friday and shared with others over Shabbat how it moved me. I find your journey from less thinking into more feeling very compelling and love your question why we only have "mindfulness" and not "feelingfulness"? I'm thrilled that Aish presented your article front and center so it could grab my attention, and make me much more aware of the world of dementia. As part of your quest to bring more awareness, if I may, I'd like to ask you to describe more in detail your experience of "feelingfulness" and explain why you like this more. I feel it will help me and possibly others grow more aware of a very important part of us that will make our lives richer. Thank you again.
Avraham I am gutweeping over your sensitivity and your openness. As you say it is thrilling how Aish and Rav Coopersmith brought this topic boldly to the Jewish community. Again as you say I feel my life is richer because I have come to more of a balance of mindfulness with feelingfulness rather than relating mostly to one or the other. To keep this brief let's take what may be the most beautiful example of this in Torah, the beginning of the portion Vayigash. After Joseph and his brothers had such a long mindfulness interaction of words/tricks, Vayigash Elav Yehudah, Yehudah added feelingfulness, he felt Joseph and approached Joseph according to Joseph's way. The result: an emotional and breathtakingly heartfelt connection between the brothers. Mindfulness alone couldn't do this.
Wow, your article, your writing, your attitude are transformative. I have actually seen this phenomenon before. A relative of mine, a Holocaust survivor, rebuilt her life, but she was a rather joyless person. Other relatives who knew her pre-war told me she'd been a ball of energy and fun. When she got moderate dementia, she became so much happier, so lovely to be with - all the bitterness of survival in Auschwitz just melted away. And when a rabbi with whom my family had a close relationship had a series of mini-strokes which left him with cognitive loss, though it was painful to see such a brilliant man struggling for words - we all agreed that his soul, his neshamah, shined through even brighter. And your neshamah, your soul, is certainly lighting up our world. Shabbat Shalom.
I wonder, I wonder Mimi -- I haven't even expressed this because it's too upside-down, and thanks to you let's talk about it. I call this period my Golden Moment, I'm feeling open and authentic and released and connected. Could the "insanity" of this stage of dementia actually be true human sanity, true humanness coming out for a moment in whatever mechanism is at work? Thanks to your being an observant Jew, seeing this and mentioning this as a phenomenon -- shall we call this "The Zakon Effect" even before we have any idea what it is? Is it coincidence that you Mimi, Me-Me, are directing each of us toward our essential Me? Thank you for your discovery Mimi and Shabbat Shalom!
Is this Wally Klatch from West Lafayette, IN?
My mother, Marilyn K. Engel, may she rest in peace, passed from complications of Alzheimer’s. May Hashem give you strength and courage to stay focused and on task. Every day is a blessing. Shabbat Shalom vMevorach!
Hello Liba what a nice surprise to connect with a Landsman. My gut says that there's some meaning that we're connecting here, more or less at the other end of our lives, but my brain doesn't have the capability to sort that out. I'm sorry to hear about your Mom and the experience you went through with that happening. Thanks Liba for your wishes. May this week's portion of Bo signify the end of plagues and the beginning of release for all of us. Shabbat shalom!
Amen! Live each day to the fullest!!
Wally, if you can write like this, you have a gift to give to the world and particularly the ageing sector. Continue to focus on what you have, not what you don’t have- and in particular what you have gained through your new condition. My father zl lost much mental capacity following a cerebral haemorrhage. He also lost his irasciblity and gained equanimity
May HaShem continue to sustain your indomitable spirit.
Rabbi Ingram your comment leads me to say something completely bizarre - yes in fact I have gained much with the onset of dementia, although I will lose much more as it develops. I have gained focus and emotion and flexibility, I have gained passion as I know myself well enough that I only write like this when I'm passionate about a topic. I now know what it is that I bring to the world thanks to the process of creating my own tombstone which I did as part of my condition. I've learned the value of this minute, which before was a slogan and now I feel in my guts continually. I have gained much much more. Rabbi Ingram your father is a beautiful model for facing this horrendous condition, may his spirit be a constant z'chut for all of us.
Very beautiful life affirming words, thank you so much, may His beautiful Face shine upon you and bring you deep joy 🙂
Related to "shine" Liz -- your seeing an article about dementia in terms of "life affirming" truly brings shine to what we see around us. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insights. So many of us fear dementia more than we fear death, and it is a great comfort to know that wisdom, consolation, and joy can be discovered on this difficult journey.
Wow Peggy what you say is the point as far as I feel - I have now, I have today, I can make of it what I choose to. And this is not hypothetical philosophy, it is the reality of my life at this moment. We are the musicians: "When living and dying dance a duet, what music will I play?". I'm focused only on things that I can do something about, I won't use what brain capacity I have thinking or worrying about things I can't affect. I don't have that luxury.
I too am on a similar journey after many years ago watching my father who passed at 96 from dementia. I have made my life into an adventure and I try to have an adventure every day. For instance yesterday we decided to eat at a restaurant that we used to go to 45 years ago before we had kids. And it is still as good as it was then. I now look forward to the new adventure that I get to experience every day
That's beautiful Alan and it sounds like fun. Could you write a few more examples of daily adventures -- I'd like to start doing that as well!
What a courageous article. It is very moving to hear about this devastating disease
in the "first person" - from someone actually going to through it themselves. Thank you! Grace and Peace to your soul.
As you write Joanne I'm at a very special moment -- I'm "inside" and yet still lucid so I can express myself. I very much value that I have this opportunity, and very much value the feedback. I don't expect to remain in this moment for very long.
Great! Thank you for sharing such an intimate development! May the Living G'D grant you Mercy and Great Peace for all eternity!
Thanks for adding that perspective Olive, I hadn't thought of it that way -- indeed dementia is quite intimate as I feel parts of myself slip away, mental capabilities from inside my head and physical control and response from parts of my body, dementia is quite intimate. Amen Olive on your blessing, for all of us.
Your article touched my heart and want to daven for you but am not clear is your father's name Ben Tziyon?
Thanks for clarifying Ruth, and for your intention and for your action - yes my father's name is Ben Zion Klatch z"l
This is the water I recently stepped into. I needed this article and it is encouraging how you found a useful way of expressing what many are struggling to cope with.
May I use your invented words? Gutweeps are introducing themselves and I feel comfortable giving them such a satifying name.
I am very content with life and these feelings are releasing a sort of forgotten part of me.
They are definately (MEE) mild emotions, known to me deep down. No longer frightening, but in a strange way rejuvinating or as you say enhancing. (Amusing with another letter combination).
Thank you for validating these precious feelings/experiences and giving me a useful tool as I learn to appreciate what I am attentively approaching.
Shalom on your continued journey ❤️
Pamela
Well Pamela I'll take your comment to be an invitation to list some other words/phrases that have come out of this process, so here goes:
MEE Mild Emotional Enhancement to partner with MCI Mild Cognitive Impairment
Feelingfulness to partner with Mindfulness
Gutweep - shedding tears from a feeling in the gut, such as a connection outside of us
Rementia - the Release that Dementia offers in its early stages
Lifenoise - the noise of daily life that distracts us from being our authentic selves
deMENSCHia - dementia takes away personhood
Filful - adaptation of the intellectually-intense "Pilpul" method to be more feelings-oriented. Removing the dots from the "P"s in "Pilpul" makes it "Filful" Feel-full
Additions to the Dementia Dictionary are welcome.
Wow fantastic article. Pls keep posting your journey here
Hersh let's all of us take this journey together. To do that we'll need to learn each others' language. When I read the Torah through my dementia-eyes I see dementia referred to in every single Torah portion, and in some cases a whole portion is a guidebook on how to relate to dementia. Here is an example from one verse of one portion: the first verse of the portion Ki Tetze Deuteronomy 21:10 when I take "dementia" to be the "enemy" a direct translation of this verse is "When you go out from where you're used to being, and things that were normal become very difficult for you, and you face very different challenges than you have ever known before, then if you go into your innermost authentic self you will find there how to make them a beautiful part of you". I need this guide.
Your article was a blessing. Imagine how a situation can be a blessing to so many.
Yes yes yes LeAnn, there are many many people who need to be touched and need to be helped related to their dementia and dementia in people close to them. Aish and Rabbi Coopersmith are a blessing in how they have brought this to so many, and whatever all of us do to take Awareness and Conversation about dementia further is expanding this blessing.
Thank you, this is beautiful. It has filled my heart. I wish you all the goodness in this world.
Regina you have told this whole story on one foot. It is for us Jews to find the balance between mind and heart in everything we do. Ve'ahavta et Hashem Elokecha b'kol levavcha uvekol nafshecha uv'kol meodecha. Feelings, from inside, together with thinking. For me it took getting dementia to feel this and to understand this.
Thank you so much for this article, Wally. I found your words both helpful and inspirational. My husband has mild cognitive impairment and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few months ago. His symptoms are very much like yours, mostly difficulty remembering names and forgetting things from the past. I am honestly afraid of the future, but we will face it together. Thank you again for writing this. I'm wishing you all the best.
Yes there is much to fear about the future, and much life that can be lived even with this fearful future. Eileen you have expressed the most important thing in this process "we will face it together". Even with a challenging future it's a joy to feel your approach as things unfold.
What are your Hebrew name and your mother's Hebrew name? I would like to daven for your refuah.
That's very moving and deeply appreciated Voseppes. I am David ben Ben Tziyon, and my mother's Hebrew name was Rivka. Thank you, knowing that you are doing this will provide me with strength as I continue this journey.
Very interesting and makes me wonder about the names I forget. At 84 I’m not too worried, but the article has made me aware that it could be early onset of the dreadful condition suffered over 7 progressively worsening years that my late wonderful second husband endured in the 30 years we had together. He was, at one time, a football goal keeper in the days of heavy- especially when wet- leather footballs- now considered to contribute to the condition. He was a wonderful, happy articulate man and it was so sad to see these attributes stripped from him. He died 5 years ago on 29.1.2020, and I will miss him forever.
Five years ago today he was released from that terrible condition that had developed over 7 years. Helen my heart goes out to you, and may your memories of him from before that period bring you good feelings and much comfort.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a Clinical Neuropsychologist who frequently diagnoses individuals with MCI and dementia. It is important to note that only about 10-15% of individuals with MCI go on to develop dementia. Also, the diagnostic criteria for MCI (at least in the States) require a relatively modest decline that does not affect one's daily functioning. While any change in your cognitive abilities is understandably distressing, further decline is not necessarily a given. Wishing you the best.
It's good you clarified this point Daphna, and also from my experience the diagnosis of what type of dementia a person has can shift as it develops. In any case a person can take the new reality they've been thrown into and decide how they want to relate to it: "When living and dying dance a duet, what music will you play?".
Thanks so much for this info
Dear Wally, hands off to you. My husband left us almost 2 years ago. His journey was almost as yours. We never told of his condition although he asked me many times why I did remember. On his last year his personality changed. Having been an introvert all his life he became a happy and outgoing person. He was blessed be leaving us in his sleep. He was mostly self reliant, walking and smiling as well as crying.
He spared our children and grandchildren the pain of watching him decline. May HaShem help you to continue your life with the strength and courage you have. Yeasher kochacha.
Sara your message really expresses the two sides of what you and your family went through -- the tragedy of your husband passing and your awareness that how it happened saved terrible pain. Thank you for your blessing, and I take you and your family as an inspiration as I am proceeding into the same reality.
My husband was recently diagnosed with MCI and is being tested tomorrow for the amyloid plaques associated with Alzheimer's. I read your words with a visceral response to your bravery. Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts.
A magical amazing event occurred in the waiting room for the MRI that confirmed my diagnosis. Anne as your husband goes through various tests please know that even within the bleakness, beautiful bright spots can happen. Sivan Rahav Meir describes what happened in the waiting room at the link:
sivanrahavmeir.com/the-daily-thought/can-you-tell-me-something-about-the-torah-portion
May Aish HaTorah the Fire of the Torah light the darkness that you and your husband are going through.
Your honesty in describing your condition was a tremendous show of courage and an inspiration. Thank you.❤
I appreciate your comment John and I'll just say -- I feel that in a way I chose the "easy path" (relatively). I can't imagine having this and keeping it inside, for me that would be much much harder. I understand there are people who have to do this because of the way their surroundings would relate to them if it was known. Thank goodness I have a supportive environment, and let's raise Awareness and Conversation about dementia so everyone has a supportive environment.
Perhaps Wally can invent a less pejorative term than “dementia”. Someone “demented” historically meant someone mentally ill. Frankly, I prefer “senility”. I hope the author has also been examined for stroke. Stroke is a brain injury. While the consequences can be similar, the treatment can vary, including physical and occupational therapy. I’m a stroke survivor and I have seen my cognitive abilities improve over the years since my potentially fatal stroke.
Okay I'll try one out on you Rachel - how about "deMENSCHia"? That's exactly what it does, take your personhood away. I welcome any comments.
I love it! It may be true that full blown dementia takes your personhood away, but it is evident that you are a creative human being who is trying to understand why you have changed. When my mother had a small stroke, in her 80's, she became more lovable than I had known her to be. I realized that Hashem does only what is best for us. Our job is to accept it and appreciate the new opportunities now available, as you do. Yasher koach!
Beautiful Zivia!
unbelievable clarity and honesty. Thank you for sharing and glad you are Feeling happy. Refuah Sheleimah and Hatzlacha
Yes, your wishes Zahava to all who are in this condition
amazing article! my grandmother had this journey, and my mother has been on this journey for more than 23 years.
I am hoping that I wont follow this journey, but I am preparing my family for this. May we all go thru end of life peacefully and with all our abilities intact.
Beautifully expressed Rachel -- may it be peaceful and we still need to be prepared
This is a wonderful essay
Your invention of words to describe your experiences is wonderful &may help many eople
Inventing words comes naturally when you're in certain situations. For example Vicki I got to the point where I had great difficulty dealing with everything going on around me, which was distracting me from focusing on the things that are really important. So I started referring to them as "Lifenoise", and by having a word for it I could more easily identify it and deal with it.
thank you for your beautiful words and sentiments.
Support from others makes a huge difference - thank you Ann
Dear Wally,
I think you are so brave and insightful. Thank you for sharing your story with us. My father had Alzheimer's disease, and I know how difficult it can be for families. Knowing what resources are available, that offer family caretakers support, and respite is crucial. Please keep the faith, trust in G-d and stay strong. Bless you Wally and your family.
Amen, although you went through this ghastly process Ana with your father you are here to provide guidance and support to others in this position. Kol Hakavod.
Thank you for your very insightful and inspiring article. I am scheduled soon for an MRI, expecting a diagnosis similar to yours. Your words reached me at a very opportune time with encouragement and support.
Yes the MRI is a very important part of the process -- may you come through it Miriam only with besorot tovot.
Prayers for you.
My mother has been diagnosed, and your words, appreciated.
Marc together we can face this cruel and terrible enemy, in a much better way than alone.. My thoughts and prayers also for your mother and you.
You words just poured into this void in my life and illuminated everything. Now I understand. Fear illuminated is no longer fear but curiosity.
No idea where this journey will take me, but I have two hopes: that my life does not burden others and I remember G-D is my guide. May you find unexpected joys in every day.
Bobby an effect of this condition is that I get emotional very quickly - I don't like to call it crying because I connect crying with sad or painful, so I invented the word gutweep which is weeping from the guts from a feeling of connection with something. Bobby I'm gutweeping from your comment.
How brave to think of what to have on you tombstone
Ellen the process of thinking about my tombstone was amazing. It started with considering the tombstone itself, and it developed to the point where I wanted to answer for myself the question, what do I bring to the world? I never would have expected it, but it was an astonishing process.
I write this at the risk of being mocked, side-lined, and rejected.
I am going to tell you what to do to help yourself, without making you a single promise.
Remove all animal meat and products from your diet.
1) Eat mostly green vegetables, including herbs, spices, and olive and sesame oil for cooking and accent flavoring. Plenty of fluids.
2) Do not procrastinate.
Ex: If you are reading an article and come across a word or concept needing definition or clarification, look it up, right then and there, before you progress in your reading.
3) Exercise every day. Take walks in nature.
4) Get enough sleep. Before falling asleep, review tomorrow's jobs, consider what to do to start your day well.
5) Journal.
Timely, well reasoned advice. Thank you for the knowledge buff.
Protein is critically important, especially as we age. Removing all animal products from one's diet is very counterproductive. Fascinating work has been done on the carnivore diet for dementia and other diseases of aging. I urge people to do research on this before adopting a low-nutrition vegan diet.
Your remaining suggestions are wonderful.
I agree. One more point: there are many clear studies that the main causes of dementia - a.k.a. Alzheimer's, Parkison's, ALS, etc. - which are all essentially the same thing - is that the brain does not have enough nutrition and rest.
All manufactured foods with chemicals "enriched" flour (enpoored - and it's not lechem oni [poor man's bread - matzah!]), and seed oils - such as Canola, soybean and cottonseed are EXTREMEMLY unhealthy - have much linoleic acid, and should not be had by anyone of any age. \
Giving children franks 'n blanks, French fries and soda is absolute and outright abuse.
Relieving oneself daily is important, for proper detoxification.
In general, one should be besimcha (happy), laugh, make jokes; increase in faith that everything is from Hashem for one's best.
BTW, I haven't read the article - just saw headline and am adding comment
There are high nutrition vegan diets, and low nutrition vegan diets (which include junk food containing sugar, added fats and oils, and flour. Joel Fuhrman, M.D., is perhaps the best known proponent of a *very highly nutritious* vegan diet that he calls "nutrarian".
Hello TruthfulOne, I certainly wouldn't mock you in any way, and I respect your right to express what you see fit. I have one mission -- to raise Awareness and Communications about dementia -- and I tried to do that by telling my own story. May Awareness of dementia, and respectful Conversation about all the aspects around it, continue to grow as it is happening in this conversation..
Truthful One
while your advise is sincere and meaningful I need to say that does not work.
My father Z"L passed with in 3 years after he was diagnosed "dementia"
He enjoyed his daily walks, and summer beach swims . His diet consisted of vegetables& fruits cooked and fresh. Not much of red meat most of it was small chicken portions.
To our shock one evening after a daily walk he didn't recognize the street and the house that he lived in for over 40 years.
As time evolved He realized and continued to question "what is happening to me/" my mind is not functioning as it should I feel that my mind has been possessed. we kept assuring him that everyone experiences memory lapses.
It was a heart breaking mind boggling experience. He was robbed of his mind.
What a wonderful article - how brave and how thoughtful you are to have written this. Thank you so much for sharing and for your honesty. May G-d bless and comfort you and your family as you face the future.
I very much appreciate your comment Elizabeth, and especially that you refer to the bravery of the families and caregivers of the ill who are required give more than they are capable of physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and in other ways because of this disaster that has fallen upon them. The first step is to raise Awareness and Conversation about dementia, and then the compassion and wisdom of the Jewish community will know how to do what you say to bring comfort as community members face the future.
Wally, thank you so much for sharing this. It is courageous for you to write about your diagnosis and to share from your heart. It's a situation we need to know more about and to help usbe more sensitive and mindful. May Hashem bring you a Refuah Shleimah in whatever way that means for you.
Actually Yehudit you touch on what has become a mission for me, to raise Awareness and Conversation about dementia in the Jewish community. You offer such an important direction Yehudit, that this needs to be a "we" and "us" topic that we face as a community rather than leaving it to individuals to struggle with this horrible condition alone. As a sensitive and mindful community as you say Yehudit we can counter this horrible plague which is already destroying those in its grasp.
Thank you SO much for this groundbreaking and inspirational piece!
Yes Bracha, Aish and Rabbi Coopersmith have the vision to bring this topic to the Jewish community at a time when it is not openly and fully discussed. I have deep respect for them for as you say breaking ground on this topic in an open way.
I am so very sorry about your diagnosis.
Nancy your comment and support make a big difference, at a moment when these are exactly needed. Thank you.
Wally, wishing you a gentle decline and peaceful passing.
Dvirah may your blessing apply to all of Am Yisrael, may we all know good health or a complete recovery but if that is not to be then may our passing be in peace.
Amen