Combating the Stigma of Mental Illness

My phone startled me from sleep in the middle of the night. My heart pounded even before I fully awoke. As I answered, my body sensed something terrible had occurred. "Aunt Iris is dead. She killed herself," said my brother.

Shock and numbness enveloped me. I knew she was struggling after my grandfather's death and her father's death, but I didn't realize she'd reached this point.

My father swiftly concealed any evidence or narratives indicating suicide. He took pride in hiding the shame and seethed with anger at his sister's self-inflicted end. But as a psychology student, I knew there was no shame, only immense pain. She had a history of anxiety and depression, topics never discussed within our Jewish family. "She has a good life," they'd say. "She should be more appreciative," they'd suggest. They viewed her breakdown following her father's death as normal grieving.

Many people believe mental health issues can be shaken off or fixed through love, money, success, or gratitude. Some parents are offended when their children experience depression or anxiety, exclaiming, "I've given you everything. How can you feel this way?"

But mental illness isn't a choice. It's a disease, unseen yet very real. It's not just about having the perfect life or a loving family; it's far more complex and enigmatic. And mental illness doesn't discriminate. In the perfect storm, it wreaks havoc on a person's mind and soul, destroying families and even taking lives.

I don’t know if anything could have prevented my aunt's suicide, but I do know that shame, denial, and superficial advice weren't solutions. We combat stigma against mental illness by refusing to be ashamed of it, acknowledging someone's pain, and offering support. We diminish stigma by admitting our own struggles. Life is challenging and sometimes unmanageable, but we never know what might push us over the edge. I harbor no shame, anger, or altered perception of my aunt because she ended her life. She was a woman already struggling to stay afloat; the loss of her father was too much to bear.

As we become comfortable with our own struggles, we can empathize with others. It doesn't matter if we think someone is weak because they can't handle what we can. Their experience is their own.

While there's been a shift towards greater acceptance of mental illness in the Jewish community, there's still a long way to go. We tend to be more accepting when the issue is distant. But when it hits home, we often react differently: hiding it, worrying about judgment, and fearing our children will be viewed as damaged.

Struggling is a part of being human. Our Jewish DNA carries trauma, and our history has the potential to amplify mental illness in future generations. It's painful to see our loved ones’ struggle, but the best way we can help is by standing with them, empathizing with their pain, and not alienating them or, worse, labeling them as damaged.

If my aunt were here today, I would take her hand and assure her that her feelings were valid. I would pledge to share her burdens to stand by her side until we found a solution. I would do whatever I could to get her the medical assistance she needs. And if a solution eluded us, I would promise to help her manage. But above all, I would remind her there's no shame in admitting, "I am depressed and suffering. This feels too much for me."

It is essential to understand that mental illness is widely recognized as a disease. It's described as a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, behavior, ability to relate to others, and daily functioning, similar to many physical diseases. Mental illnesses are no different from physical illnesses like heart disease or diabetes. They all have behavioral components and biological bases. Even though mental illness is generally seen as a disease, this perspective doesn't negate the complexity of these conditions or the diverse experiences of those who live with them.

Combating the stigma associated with mental health issues begins with education and open conversation. Increasing awareness about mental health can foster empathy and understanding, reducing stereotypes and prejudices. Here are some tips:

• Talk openly about mental health: Encourage dialogue that normalizes mental health discussions and discourages silence borne out of fear or misunderstanding.
• Educate yourself and others: Share accurate information and resources about mental health to dispel myths and promote knowledge.
• Be conscious of language: Words have power; avoid using pejorative or dismissive language to describe people with mental illness.
• Show compassion for those with mental health issues: Treat people with mental health issues with dignity and respect, just as you would anyone else with a health condition.
• Advocate for equal treatment of mental health conditions: Support policies that provide equal coverage for mental health and physical health care.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, it's vital to know the signs and seek help immediately. Some warning signs include talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or having no reason to live, and withdrawing or isolating oneself. If these signs are present, do not hesitate to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24/7 for free and confidential support.