5 Steps to Stress-Free Decisions

I’m at an important meeting at a high-end restaurant, scanning the menu for the fifth time, and I just can’t figure out what to order. This is getting awkward already.

Finally, I choose. No wait! I take that back, I’ll have the other thing.

“Are you sure?” the waitress asks. I’m not, but I don’t want to look bad. Just make the decision, I say to myself.

When my food arrives, my colleague says that it looks delicious. All I can think about is what I could have ordered instead.

Paralysis by analysis is a struggle that characterizes modern life. With a whirlwind of options overwhelming us at any moment, many of us choke when it comes to making a decision.

How do I know that this is the right girl to marry? She’s nice, but there are so many great girls out there.

Am I sure I want Captain Crunch? The waffle crisp also looks good too, and how can I know now what I’m going to be in the mood for tomorrow morning.

Decision making is harder than ever, and if choosing between cereals is hard for you, imagine the stress levels when more is at stake.

This is why you need an effective strategy to clear your mind and guide you to making decisions from a place of clarity and confidence.

Here’s a five-step process that I’ve developed that I hope will be helpful to you.

Step 1: Quarterback or Coach?

Before anything else, you need to understand the nature of your decision. Does this choice need a quarterback or a coach?

A quarterback has three seconds to make a decision in the pocket before he gets hit. Quarterback decisions are hit or miss, they need to be made quickly, and they can only be reflected upon in hindsight.

A coach needs to be thinking the whole week or offseason about his decision. He takes the time to sit, strategize, research, and plan. Each decision he makes for the future of the team has high stakes, and a poor decision will throw the entire system.

Ordering food, choosing which color shirt to wear, or deciding where to meet for coffee are all quarterback decisions. Whether you throw a touchdown or a pick 6 doesn’t matter all that much; you’ll get the ball back and have the chance at another drive down the field.

Buying a car, choosing a spouse, or deciding where to send your kids to school are all coaching decisions. They need to be thought about deliberately. The stakes are high.

How much time do you need to spend thinking about it? This is where step two comes in.

Step 2: Establish a timeline

There is a sociological principle called Parkinson’s Law: we use as much time as we are given to do a task that is assigned to us. Hence, bureaucracy at its finest.

There is no need to use every second available to you to make a decision. Think smarter, not harder, clearing up your headspace and freeing your mind to be present with other things. If you don’t set deadlines for yourself, you can let decisions go on forever and take over your minds.

Some decisions may need six months to clearly think through, others may need a couple of days. WIthout a deadline for your decision, you risk taking too much time and living with unnecessary clutter in your mind.

So ask yourself: How much time do I actually need and how can I make sure I stick to my deadline?

Step 3: Compartmentalize

One of the most stress-inducing aspects of any decision is how much it can seep into your headspace while you’re going about other parts of your life. In order to combat this, compartmentalize.

This is how it works: Pick 3 - 6 times where you will sit down for a short time, say 15 to 45 minutes and clear your schedule from distractions. Use that time to breathe deeply and think strategically about your decision. Try your absolute best to not think about the decision outside of the set aside time, and make sure to allow times in between self sessions for information to process and emotions to settle down. Give yourself at least a day between sit downs.

You will find that three 20-minute focused sessions will be way more effective than three months of constant worry and stagnation. By setting constraints on yourself, you allow yourself to flourish.

Step 4: Consult wisely

Before you go consulting with everybody you know, consider a few people in your close circle who can help you to detect what you want and what’s best for you.

Yes, it’s important to gather information - but no one will be making the decision except for you. When you speak with too many people you risk overwhelming yourself with outside voices, and never have the chance to develop the intrinsic calling that tells you where you want to go.

Rabbi Abraham Issac Kook teaches that each person has a unique voice and calling, what one might call a purpose. When nurtured and followed, your intuition will lead you to your greatest successes and vitality. When ignored or undeveloped, you risk losing your way.

The most important aspect of any decision is that it’s your decision. Be wary of people who tell you what they would do and cling to people who help you understand what you should do.

Step 5: Make the decision and stick with it

This last step is deceptively simple. Often, a decision feels great in the short term but can raise doubt later on. Did I really make the right choice?

This is why Angela Duckworth explains in her book Grit that she only allows her kids to quit a hobby after one year of practicing it.

Life is full of ups and downs. Not all of the things that you love will be easy, and not all of the things that are right for you feel correct right away. Barring exceptional cases, It’s important to give any decision a grace period of time in order to settle in and show its true face and beauty.

Lean into a decision for six months to a year of real dedication before reconsidering. As long as you made the decision from a place of principle and values, perhaps you will discover that it was a better decision than you thought along the way.

Good luck and don’t fret the Captain Crunch.