Charlie Kirk, Shabbat, and the Secret of Jewish Survival
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Simple tools to help you reconnect, communicate, and reignite the joy in your marriage.
Marriage is one of life’s most rewarding yet challenging journeys. Between careers, children, and endless to-do lists, the connection that once brought you together can feel overshadowed. If you’re sensing distance or routine setting in, remember: small, intentional efforts can reignite the spark and transform your relationship.
Judaism views marriage as a sacred partnership. As Genesis 2:24 teaches, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This profound union, like a garden, requires consistent care—plowing, watering, and weeding to thrive.
The following 20 practical exercises are designed to help you reconnect, communicate, and reignite the joy in your marriage. These tools blend emotional intimacy, playfulness, and spiritual growth, offering a holistic approach to strengthening your bond. Print them out and focus on one every week.
These practices foster vulnerability, gratitude, and the feeling of being truly seen and valued.
Purpose: Strengthen emotional connection and reinforce positivity.
How to Practice:
Take turns sharing specific things you appreciate about each other. For example, “I appreciate how you listened to me yesterday when I felt overwhelmed.”
Or each day, share three things you’re grateful for about your partner. For example, “I’m grateful for how you helped with dinner last night.”
Alternatively, keep a gratitude journal for your partner. Write notes of appreciation daily or weekly and share them during a designated time, like Shabbat or a quiet evening.
Purpose: To create a regular space for open communication.
How to Practice:
Dedicate 20–30 minutes weekly to discuss the following:
What went well in the relationship this week.
Any challenges or unresolved issues.
Goals or plans for the coming week.
Use active listening—maintain eye contact, repeat back what you’ve heard, and respond empathetically. Focus on solutions rather than blame.
Use prompts like:
“What’s something I did this week that made you feel loved?”
“What could I do differently next week to support you better?”
This time allows you to connect deeply, address concerns, and express gratitude in a structured, productive way.
Purpose: Express emotions without criticism.
How to Practice:
Begin with “I notice…” followed by “I feel…”
For example: “I notice we haven’t spent much time together lately, and I feel distant. Can we plan a date night this week?”
This approach encourages open dialogue without defensiveness.
Purpose: Show love in meaningful ways using the Five Love Languages.
How to Practice:
Identify your partner’s primary love language or languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
Offer three “gifts” a week tailored to their love languages, such as a love note, a chore they dislike, or a surprise activity they enjoy.
Stretch yourself. Break out of habitual patterns and show love in new ways. Maybe identify something outside your comfort zone that you can do for the other.
Purpose: Deepen emotional intimacy.
How to Practice:
Take turns asking meaningful questions, such as:
“What’s your happiest childhood memory?”
“What’s a dream you’ve never shared with me?”
“What’s a fear you rarely talk about?”
This exchange uncovers new layers of connection, even for long-married couples.
Play is essential for rekindling romance and joy in marriage.
Purpose: Foster vulnerability, laughter, and connection.
How to Practice:
Play a customized version of Truth or Dare, crafting thoughtful questions like, “What’s a dream you’ve never told me about?” “What’s one of your happiest memories with me?” or a dare: Show me how you like to be hugged", dancing together in the kitchen or sharing a silly joke.
Alternatively, spend an evening playing your favorite board games, choosing ones that encourage teamwork, strategy, or humor. Games like Scrabble, Codenames, or Pictionary can spark fun and connection.
Purpose: Add lightness and joy to your daily life.
How to Practice:
Find a hobby you both enjoy, like dancing, gardening, or painting.
Alternatively, try something new, like learning a language together or signing up for a cooking class.
Playfulness often unlocks deeper levels of connection and laughter.
Purpose: To make connection fun and spontaneous.
How to Practice:
Write down activities, compliments, or questions on slips of paper and place them in a jar. Draw one out each week and do it together, whether it’s baking cookies, watching a sunrise, or playing a trivia game.
Purpose: Use technology to connect instead of divide. Screens are so often a way to escape or avoid but why not harness technology for connection?
How to Practice:
Choose a movie, documentary, or show you both enjoy. Discuss it afterward to create meaningful conversations.
Purpose: Reignite emotional and physical intimacy by revisiting your history.
How to Practice:
Spend an evening reminiscing about how you first met, your favorite dates, or the moment you realized you were in love. Consider recreating a meaningful memory, like visiting the spot where you got engaged or cooking a meal from your honeymoon. Nostalgia can reignite the spark and remind you of the foundation of your love.
Relationships thrive on trust, communication, and the willingness to grow together.
Purpose: To reflect on and share positive feelings.
How to Practice:
Write a heartfelt letter expressing gratitude and admiration for your partner.
For example: “Your kindness inspires me every day. I’m so grateful for how you care for our family.”
Share it during a quiet, uninterrupted moment.
Purpose: Address unmet needs or recurring conflicts constructively.
How to Practice:
Identify a specific behavior you’d like your partner to change.
Then share the request in a positive, non-critical way. For instance:
“I’d love it if we could set aside one evening a week without screens to just talk.”
Commit to small, achievable changes.
Purpose: Foster daily emotional intimacy. Prioritize quality time in small, consistent doses.
How to Practice:
Spend 10 uninterrupted minutes daily talking about anything but logistics or kids—no phones, no distractions.
Use this time to talk about your dreams, share something you learned, or simply enjoy each other’s company.
Purpose: Strengthen connection through touch.
How to Practice:
Commit to small gestures of physical affection daily— whether it’s a hug before work, holding hands during a walk, or a kiss goodnight.
These moments of touch build trust and closeness over time.
Purpose: Strengthen your relationship proactively.
How to Practice:
Research therapists or workshops specializing in marriage enrichment. For example, attend a retreat, workshop, or therapy session to learn new skills and improve communication.
Purpose: To align on shared goals and dreams for the relationship.
How to Practice:
List your personal and relationship goals, then compare and find areas of overlap to create a shared vision. Or create a vision board together with images or words that represent your aspirations.
Include long-term goals, like traveling to a dream destination, or short-term ones, like hosting a dinner party.
Display it somewhere visible to inspire your journey together.
Theme: Presence and Connection
Build intimacy by staying present and creating shared, meaningful moments.
Purpose: Relax and connect through shared experiences, through the power of beautiful nature.
How to Practice:
Plan activities like hiking, picnicking, or stargazing.
For example, bring a thermos of tea and watch a sunset together for a peaceful shared moment.
Purpose: To create daily touchpoints of connection and to strengthen everyday intimacy.
How to Practice:
Develop rituals that are uniquely yours, like a weekly “coffee date” at home, lighting candles together on Friday nights, or reading a book aloud before bed.
Establish simple routines, such as having a meal together, sharing intentions for the day, hugs, hand-holding, or other small gestures of affection or ending the day by sharing one thing you’re grateful for.
These rituals provide a sense of stability and belonging in your relationship.
Purpose: To keep romance alive.
How to Practice:
Dedicate regular time for just the two of you. It can be a dinner out, a walk, or even a cozy evening at home. The key is intentional time together without distractions.
Purpose: Build goodwill and affection.
How to Practice:
Surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures, like leaving a love note in their bag, running an errand,or preparing their favorite dessert “just because.”
Choose one exercise from the list and commit to practicing it this week. Small, consistent efforts can transform your marriage into a sanctuary of love and connection. As Pirkei Avot teaches, "You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it." Your marriage is a sacred, lifelong project—one worth every ounce of effort.
I think the biblical admonition about a man cleaving to his wife should have come with a disclaimer. What if the wife is raging narcissist? This type of woman works to pull her husband away from his family.
There’s an entire tractate of the Talmud on divorce. If even with all the work the marriage turns toxic you need not be trapped in it.
I appreciated being reminded of how kindness and common sense play such crucial roles in strengthening relationships..and we've been married a long time (44 years:D...looking forward to trying out some of these suggestions...thankyou!
Oh my! No offense to Ms. Levy but if my husband and I took all that time to follow these exercises we'd never have any time to be married LOL! plus my husband of almost 42 years would think I've gone off my rocker. Most of these exercises are everyday courtesies and old-fashioned common sense. This whole thing sounds too scripted--I want a normal marriage, not something out of Hollywood. Why do husbands and wives have to date? They're married.
Terrif!
You won't always like the person you love. But "like" is important, maybe more so than love. Every one of these exercises will help. There is no mystery to making a good relationship. These seemingly simple steps to take, sometimes have to be intentional. I'm sending this article to my wife - who I failed to kiss good bye as she went off to work this morning. Tomorrow I'll give her that smooch, and say what I feel. Thanks
As an old married man of 78, I would say that this is good advice for married couples.
To concentrate too hard on the health of the marriage can become a burden and a pressure on both. Make G-d the centre of your relationship, the arbiter of your behaviours.
Marriage is a voyage of discovery on the ocean of life. Sometimes the husband ia the captain and his wife the navigator. Sometimes especially in squally weather the roles may be reversed.
Most men by nature assume they are the most important, and express this by taking their wife for granted. So never take her for granted, love her!
These advices will do when you like and love eachother. If not… by times it feels as a long road, continuing to stay faithful, kind, caring, committed.
The idea is to act as if even when not feeling “in love” and to use one or more of the suggestions to reignite the feelings.