Passover and the Crisis of Jewish Identity
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Before leaving home, let your child know just how strong your love is.
My son turns 18 in January—yikes! Where did the time go? As the famous quote states, “The days are long but the years are short.” I’ve told my son the following 18 things throughout the years, and I will be sure to tell him again before he graduates and leaves home.
If you like it, then I’ll find a way to like it, even if it is something that I have zero interest in. When you were little, you loved Pokémon cards. Even though I had no idea what those cards were all about, I helped you collect them and spent hours playing with you. Because if you loved it, I wanted to love it, too. Because showing interest is showing love. (It’s a good thing we both like basketball. It only took up 15 years of your life.)
I know we like to play the “who loves who more” comparison game, but I promise I love you more. It has to be this way. A parent gives more to a child than a child gives to his parent. Giving is the root of real love. I love you, and one day, when you give life to a child, you will understand. Only then will you truly grasp how deep and vast my love for you is. So there. I said it. I love you more. The end.
And even though you may not think so now, you’ll realize how smart your dad and I really are. We (sort of) know what we’re doing, so trust us and our advice.
Your gut “feeling” is actually the way your body informs you when something is off in your environment, in others, or even in yourself. Another way to keep in check is to look in the mirror, directly into your eyes. When you really look at yourself, you can tell if you are happy and if you are on a good path. See past the layers and the social mask of a good time. The eyes never lie.
One of my favorite quotes is, “Expect everything, and anything seems nothing. Expect nothing, and anything seems everything.” That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have ambition. Rather, it means that nothing in life is owed to you. Everything is a blessing.
Stay focused and away from drugs and alcohol, you will be a star! If you get serious about something, anything that interests you, you will soar.
Character is everything. When you’re looking for a marriage partner, look carefully at her character. Looks fade, but a kind heart lasts forever. That applies to you too.
When you lose control of yourself, you become a slave to someone else. Your power is found in how much control you have over yourself.” Dr. Edith Eger, an Auschwitz survivor, advises, “be selective with who and what receives your anger.” You have finite energy and evoking anger will sap you of it.
Sorry is one of the most important words you’ll need in your lifetime. It’s humbling and empowering. It frees you to accept yourself in your most raw and vulnerable state, and that is priceless. It allows you to realize you are loveable, even if your actions aren’t.
And on that note, I’m sorry. I’ve made mistakes. I’m not a perfect parent. But you don’t have to be a perfect parent to be a great parent. When you apologize to your future children, you are letting them know that they are loveable, even if they make mistakes. Hopefully, we can both be big enough to forgive each other.
I didn’t say no because I wanted to argue or punish you. I really don’t enjoy disappointing you, either. I said no because limits are a form of love. “I love you too much to argue” is our—okay, fine, maybe just my—favorite quote from the book, Love and Logic. I love you even if I don’t always love your actions.
I believe in you. I have dreams and aspirations and visions of what I want for you. But ultimately, I accept whatever you want for yourself. Go get ‘em!
You might hate it now but you’ll thank me later.
People may be curious to hear what you know, but if you reveal the secrets of others, deep down, those friends won’t trust you to keep theirs. Holding back from gossiping enables you to find many true friends. People will trust you and know that you are worthy of hearing their story. Whenever you aren’t sure when to say something, take the Joe Schames “TUG” test: Is it true, is it useful, and is it good? If not, tug yourself away from the temptation to say it.
Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can possibly give—to yourself. If you forgive your family members and children for their words and actions, they too will become forgiving people. Forgiving others alleviates your own emotional burdens, allowing you to walk through life unencumbered.
Your moral compass should guide your life. Know that your choices shape the outcome of your journey. Learn to choose wisely, whether it be with finances, work ethic, drugs and alcohol, or your future spouse. Remember, the spiritual gains you make from your positive choices stay with you forever.
Whether you live here or not, you are always an important part of this family. Parents are parents forever. We are always here for you, so call us any time, day or night. We will listen and reserve judgment.
Thank you for growing me into the person I am still becoming. Thank you for pushing my buttons and stretching me to the max. Thank you for your help, for your respect, for working hard, and for bringing me pride.
Raising you was worth all of the struggles, sleepless nights, and tears shed during my prayers for you. Being your mom is a joy and a total privilege. You are exactly the person who Hashem created you to be.
God is always with you and loves you. He will help you succeed. A wonderful quote says it all: “You can do everything when you realize you’re not the one doing anything.”
I love you. Happy 18th birthday, and may these 18 phrases guide you to becoming your best self!
Love it!
Not a good title for this article, but great advice that works for almost everybody. Now... if only we model this 🙂
Thank you for this!
Words of wisdom.
Definitely strong love is the key to healthier life - thank you so much for sharing!