Three Pitfalls to Making Effective Resolutions

Alarming statistics show that up to 92% of people do not follow through with their goals. This tremendous chasm between inspiration and action begs the question: How do you bridge the gap?

And if you’re shaking your head thinking, That’s not me, statistics say that it probably is. Think of an ironclad resolution you made to yourself – this year I’m going to go to the gym, this year I’m going to put away my phone when I get home – did those changes stick?

Here are three reasons people abandon goals and three exercises you can implement to convert your inspiration into action.

1: You’re chasing goals for the wrong reasons.

One of the most common reasons that you fail to achieve your goals is that they are not in fact your goals. For a goal to be achieved with any measure of success over a long period of time, it needs to be intrinsically motivating. Very often, that’s not the case.

There are many forces in our lives that influence you into thinking that you want/need to accomplish something. Some of them are positive, but others can be damaging to your sense of self.

Whether from a friend, a parent, or a generic image of what society deems to be worthwhile, this is the type of negative peer pressure that makes you feel that you’re not good enough unless you do ___ thing. When that happens, you set out to achieve your goals with burning passion, only to find that you were not in fact chasing goals at all. You were chasing worth.

When you chase worth in disguise as a goal, there will always be resistance or an unpleasant feeling that accompanies you. Your pursuit might last for a few miles, but it will burn out by the end of the race. And if the goal doesn’t, you will.

Exercise:
Write down: What are 1-3 goals that YOU want to accomplish this year. Be radically honest with yourself. What is motivating you? Are these things that you really want for yourself? If not, perhaps it’s time to consider an alternative path.

Disclaimer: There are certain goals that are worthy of pursuit even if you don’t initially want them, and a bit of positive peer pressure is not a bad thing. These are goals that have intrinsic value. As the famous Talmudic principle goes, “What doesn’t start out for the right reasons, ends up becoming for the right reasons.” Often, it isn’t until we give something an honest shot that we recognize it’s true value and come to do it with love and intention.

2: Your sights are set too high.

In the book, Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel makes a key distinction between what he calls, reasonable vs rational financial goals. Housel notes that when plotting out a budget, many people tend to set unrealistic and unsustainable limitations on their spending. At the moment of inspiration, it seems just right. If you can go 100% in on this spending plan, you’ll have X amount of money saved in five years to buy Y. The problem is, you are not always rational. As they say in war, The battle plan never lasts five minutes against the enemy. Only this time, you’re the enemy.

In a moment of inspiration, it’s easy to set your sights too high and forget that the reality on the ground does not yet match up with your aspirations. As much as you’d like to function at 100% all of the time, that’s just not the case. There are many conflicting voices inside of you with different wants and different needs. There are unanticipated challenges and struggles that demand your time and attention. Life on the ground looks very different than life from the air.

If you’re one to oscillate between 0-100 when it comes to your goals, Housel suggests that settling in at a reasonable 80% might be a better game plan for you. It’s not as exciting in the moment, but it is more sustainable over a long period of time, and it is a reasonable thing that you can show up to do even when you’re not at your best.

Exercise:
What is the bare minimum that you would need to do every day to achieve your goals in 1-3 years. Instead of shooting for 100% effort towards your goals over a short period of time, shoot to go above the minimum for a long period of time. If your minimum is 40%, try to give between 40-90%. A consistent 40-90% effort over a long period of time is worth much more than a 100% effort given over the course of two weeks and consequently abandoned along with the notebooks on your shelf.

Disclaimer: This isn’t to say that there are no goals that should be pursued with 100% effort, only that 100% effort can only be given to so many things. When the whirlwind of life gets to be too much to handle, 100% effort can quickly shift to 0% effort and the abandonment of a goal. The purpose of this point is to highlight that 80% of effort over five years is better than 0% effort after two weeks. It is not in any way encouraging complacency, only reasonability when it comes to setting goals that you’d like to maintain.

3: You’re secretly content with staying the same.

Many people say that they want to change. However, it’s important to be aware of the hidden benefits of staying the same. There’s a reason why you are how you are. No matter how much you say you want to change, you are clearly comfortable enough in your current state of being if you haven’t done it yet. Even if your current dynamic has many disadvantages, there are always going to be a few that you’re secretly benefiting from. Until you can be honest with what those are, it’s very difficult to effect meaningful change.

Exercise:
Write down: How is your current state serving you? Are there any benefits to staying the same? Do the pros/cons of changing outweigh the pros/cons of staying the same?

Disclaimer: This isn’t to say that you can’t change if you’re happy being the same. Rather, you have to be aware of the forces holding you in place in order to break free of them.

As Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year approaches, now is the time to take an inventory and think about the realistic, compelling goals you want to genuinely commit to. Use these three exercises to help ground your introspection and increase your chances for attaining long-term change.