Disclosure Day: What Spielberg’s Film Gets Right About God
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Three questions every dater should ask before deciding if this person could be their life partner.
Dating can be exciting. It can also be confusing, frustrating, and emotionally exhausting.
At some point, most daters find themselves asking the same question: How can I possibly know if this is the right person for me?
It's a reasonable question. Every human being is complex. No one reveals everything about themselves in a few dates, and no relationship comes with a guarantee. The more serious a relationship becomes, the more pressure we feel to make the "right" decision.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is believing they need certainty before moving forward.
Certainty is rarely available in relationships. You cannot predict the future, and you cannot know exactly how another person will grow and change over the coming decades. The goal is to make a wise decision based on the things that matter most.
Many factors contribute to a successful marriage, but three areas stand out. When these are present, differences can be worked through. When they are missing, even great chemistry may fall short.
When the Torah introduces us to the first Jewish matchmaking story, Eliezer, Abraham’s trustworthy servant, is sent to find a wife for Isaac.
What sign does he ask God for?
Not beauty, intelligence or social status?
He asks for a sign of kindness.
When Rebecca offers water to Eliezer and then to all of his camels, she demonstrates extraordinary generosity. Watering a group of thirsty camels was no small task. It required effort, energy, and a genuine desire to help.
Eliezer understood something profound: character is destiny.
Attraction may draw you toward a person, but character is what sustains a marriage.
Pay close attention to the person's character traits. Are they honest? Kind? Responsible? Trustworthy? Do they take ownership of their mistakes? Do they speak respectfully about other people?
Character is what remains after the excitement of dating settles down. It shows up during stress, disappointment, conflict, and ordinary daily life.
Ask yourself: Is this someone I genuinely admire and respect?
Attraction may draw you toward a person, but character is what sustains a marriage.
Healthy couples often have different personalities, interests, temperaments, and opinions. Those differences can enrich a relationship.
But certain values shape the direction of a person's life, and these matter tremendously.
How important is religion and spirituality? What role will family play? How do you view money, work, community, and personal growth? What kind of home do you hope to create? How do you want to raise your children?
These are the foundations upon which a marriage is built.
The Torah describes husband and wife becoming "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Becoming one means building one shared life together, even while remaining two distinct people.
When two people share the same core vision, even significant challenges become easier to navigate.
The question is whether you are heading toward the same destination.
A relationship also needs heart.
Sometimes attraction appears immediately. Sometimes it develops slowly as two people get to know each other. Both are completely normal.
What matters is that there is genuine connection.
Do you enjoy being with this person? Do you look forward to seeing them? Do you miss them when you're apart?
The Torah tells us that after Isaac married Rebecca, "he loved her." Many commentators note that the Torah mentions love after the marriage process unfolds. Deep love is something you build over time. It grows through appreciation, shared experiences, trust, and commitment.
Marriage is choosing someone whose presence brings warmth, comfort, and joy to your life.
Every potential spouse will have weaknesses. Every marriage will involve challenges. No amount of dating can remove all uncertainty.
But when the person in front of you has strong character, shares your core values, and you feel a genuine connection, you have three of the most important ingredients for a successful marriage.
The better question to ask may be: "Is this a good person with whom I can build a beautiful life?"
