The Secret to Staying Calm When Life is Anything But

Passover is often synonymous with stress. There’s stress from finances. Stress from family dynamics. Stress from the chametz war. Stress from trying to juggle a hundred different balls that all need attention right now. And for me, in Israel, stress from being in the middle of a war and having all my kids home all the time, which – well, I don’t think that needs further explanation.

It makes sense that many of us are really overwhelmed.

And then what happens?

We snap. We bark. We explode. Or, maybe, we withdraw. We get so frustrated and angry and stressed that we don’t like the person we become.

Sometimes it really seems impossible to stay calm and caring when we’re under so much pressure from so many different directions.

How can we deal with all this stress in a healthy way?

The Emotional Pressure Cooker

Here’s the secret.

We explode when a child spills his drink because of all the stress that’s built up inside us over the day. We react harshly from a minor criticism because we’re already hurting from something else in our hearts. When we don’t validate our emotions, they stay inside us, simmering just below the surface. That’s what triggers us, stopping us from keeping our calm – the host of negative emotions festering within that haven’t been acknowledged and released.

Recognizing our emotions and allowing ourselves to feel the pain is the only way to let them go. But fully acknowledging the pain feels scary. It hurts to feel sad. It’s not comfortable to admit to ourselves just how jealous, resentful or angry we are. Feeling negative emotions is painful, so instinctively we try to protect ourselves from feeling that pain. We bottle it up and keep it inside. We bury the emotions and pretend they aren’t there.

The Power of “Even Though”

How do we feel the pain without drowning in it?

This is why I love an “Even though” phrase so much (the classic setup statement in EFT- Emotional Freedom Techniques). It allows us to be gentle with ourselves while we acknowledge what hurts.

Try saying to yourself:

• "Even though I feel like the worst mother in the world and I’m so angry and ashamed… I am still worthy of love."
• "Even though everyone is crying at once and I feel pulled in a hundred different directions and I’m resentful and frustrated - I accept myself exactly how I am at this moment.”
• "Even though I feel so overwhelmed and angry and it’s not fair that I have to work so hard and I don’t feel supported by my husband and I don’t know how I’m going to get to Pesach and that makes me feel anxious and worried… I allow myself to feel my feelings. I can have compassion on myself.”

The secret to calm is to allow ourselves to feel the pain – not bottle it up, not suppress it, not deny it – and yet be okay at the same time, to have compassion, love and acceptance for the perfectly imperfect person we are.

Your "Real Life" Stress Toolkit

1. Track Your Internal "Temperature": We don’t explode out of nowhere. There’s always a build-up of emotions until we finally get tipped over the edge. Get into the habit of rating your stress from 0 to 10. Check in when you wake up, at the school-run homecoming, or during the bedtime rush. Self-awareness is always the first step toward regulation.
2. Name the Feeling. Try to identify what emotions you’re really feeling underneath that general feeling of stress or overwhelm. Is it anger? Loneliness? Helplessness? Inadequacy? See if you can find at least three specific emotions. Just naming them already gives us some validation and you may be surprised by what’s hiding underneath.
3. The Butterfly Hug. Cross your arms over your chest and tap your shoulders or upper arms alternatively.  This bilateral stimulation gets the right and left sides of the brain to communicate with each other, naturally regulating the nervous system. Another option is to tap alternatively just under the collarbone (combining bilateral stimulation with a meridian point).
4. Gentle Validation: Give yourself permission to feel the "ugly" feelings using an Even Though sentence.Even though I am completely fed up…
   Even though I feel so worthless and stupid…
   Even though I am so ashamed of myself...
   …I am always precious. I am always wanted. I am always, always worthy of love. 

True Freedom

This is the secret behind calm.

Because once we truly feel an emotion, we can finally let it go. And when we aren’t stuffed up with suppressed negative feelings, we have space to feel other things. We have space to feel joy and love. We aren’t tense and triggered. We feel a sense of lightness, of inner peace. Without being weighed down by our baggage, we experience wholeness, perspective and meaning.

We experience freedom.

Wishing everyone a Passover of calm, love, happiness and true inner freedom.

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Bio: Chana Halpern is an accredited EFT practitioner who specializes in helping women release the internal blocks that keep them stuck. Based in Jerusalem and working with clients globally, Chana believes that our own inner healing is the greatest gift we can give both to ourselves and our families. Through her work, she empowers women to dissolve deep-seated limitations, rewire our internal responses, and step into the most vibrant, aligned versions of ourselves. Connect with her at chanahalpern.com.