Columbia Students Once Rallied Against Nazis — Now They Cheer for Them
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If you want to increase your happiness and health, it’s more important to give than to receive.
In a widely-quoted study, Elizabeth Dunn, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, gave participants either $5 or $20 and told one group to spend it on either other people and the other group to spend it on themselves. The results showed that people who were told to spend on others were significantly happier than those who spent the money on themselves, regardless of the dollar amount.
Happiness does not result from a focus inward; it results from the deep satisfaction and profound gratification of helping and giving to others. Maimonides writes that there is no greater happiness than bringing joy to others, especially the underprivileged.
There is no greater happiness than bringing joy to others, especially the underprivileged.
Someone once wrote to the Lubavitcher Rebbe zt’l in a state of deep depression and hopelessness. The letter essentially said, “I would like the Rebbe's help. I wake up each day sad and apprehensive. I can't concentrate. I find it hard to pray. I keep the commandments, but I find no spiritual satisfaction. I go to the synagogue but I feel alone. I begin to wonder what life is about. I need help."
The Rebbe sent a brilliant reply that did not use even a single word. He simply circled the first word of every sentence in the letter and sent it back. The author of the letter understood his message: the circled word at the beginning of each sentence was “I.”
A self-centered person, a taker, isn’t happy because he can never take enough. Givers find joy in doing for others and therefore have great access to happiness because there are always ample opportunities to give.
Dunn found that an exceedingly underrated gift is much simpler and cheaper than you think: the gift of gratitude. She observed, "Research shows that people absolutely love hearing expressions of gratitude. It makes people super happy." You don’t have to spend a lot of money or figure out the perfect gift. "Writing really lovely thank you notes to people is actually a great gift in itself."
Moses had many names and yet the one he is universally known by is the one give to him by Bitya, the daughter of Pharaoh, who saved him from the river when he was a baby. Why not use the name his own mother gave him?
The Torah endorses the name Moses as a perpetual thank you to Bitya for her generous and courageous act. Sometimes an act of generosity is so great, it cannot possibly be repaid other than to never stop saying thank you.
It has been said, the best things in life aren’t things. While there are “things,” necessities in life that we can’t live without, and there are “things” that make wonderful, sentimental, and practical presents, sometimes the greatest gift is not a thing, but a commitment to improve and to become better.
Not in lieu of material gifts, but alongside them, we can gift our spouse a commitment to be a better husband or wife, we can gift our parents a practical plan of how we will be a better son or daughter, we can demonstrate to our friend the gift of more loyal friendship. These gifts won’t break the bank, they don’t cost anything, but they are invaluable.
If you want to find happiness, don’t focus on getting but giving. Give a gift to someone for no reason at all, make them feel acknowledged and visible. It will bring a smile to their face and put happiness in your heart. Give the gift of gratitude for those who have enriched your life. Don’t just mumble a thank you, take the time to write a nice note and communicate meaningfully.
But the greatest gift you can give both yourself and others around you is to become the best version of yourself, the person they deserve you for you to be.
