Tammuz and Self-Compassion: How to Treat Yourself Kindly

The joyful ascent of the previous month of Sivan when we celebrated receiving the Ten Commandments comes to a sad decline in the month of Tammuz. This month contains the story of Moses descending from Mount Sinai carrying the tablets that were inscribed by God, only to confront the devastating incident of the Golden Calf. In one shocking instant, Moses hurled the tablets to the ground, shattering them. That event occurred on the 17th of Tammuz.

Hundreds of years later, on the same Hebrew date, the walls of the city of Jerusalem were breached by the Babylonians, which led to the destruction of the Temple in 586 BCE, in which a million Jews were slaughtered defending the Temple, and many more murdered or taken into captivity. This tragedy began a period of fasting and mourning for the Jewish people known as “The Three Weeks," which starts on the 17th of Tammuz and culminates three weeks later on the 9th of Av (Tisha B'Av), the day on which the First Holy Temple, and the Second, were destroyed, ending Jewish sovereignty in the Holy Land until we regained it with the modern State of Israel.

Perhaps that's why Tammuz doesn’t get much attention – it's just low energy, seemingly with nowhere to go.

At least on Tisha B'Av, which is characterized as the saddest day in the calendar, the community comes together to read the Book of Lamentations, and many people learn and study ways to increase their love for their fellow Jew. Our tradition teaches that in the era of the final redemption, this day will flip eternally into a holiday. And there's also Tu B'Av, a day celebrating love and mercy. At least there is intensity, passion, and the theme of transformation.

Tammuz teaches that in times of vulnerability, you should show compassion, care for yourself emotionally, and recognize your strengths.

What positive lesson can you derive from the month of Tammuz?

Rather than just dwelling on negativity and destruction, Tammuz offers a chance to recommit to Jewish values and embrace the concept of tikkun olam, repairing the world, starting with yourself. How so?

Tammuz teaches valuable lessons in self-compassion, specifically, reminding you to be kind to yourself even when you struggle. Sometimes you may feel like your walls are breaking down, and it is easy to berate yourself for not being able to control the situation. Tammuz teaches that in times of vulnerability, you should show compassion, care for yourself emotionally, and recognize your strengths.

After the incident of the Golden Calf, Moses was filled with sorrow and disappointment. So, he immediately returned up the mountain to seek God's mercy and to fast and pray for 40 days. Then God blessed Moses to craft a new set of tablets with his own hands, thus teaching the Jewish people the message of God's compassion and the power of second chances.

So, Tammuz is a reminder of the importance of cultivating self-compassion. In order to grow spiritually, you must learn to be gentle and understanding with yourself. This means allowing yourself to make mistakes and being forgiving when you fall short of your ideals. Self-compassion enables you to approach life with more depth and sensitivity and helps you to understand the challenges of others with greater empathy and compassion.

In Judaism, self-compassion is seen as an intrinsic act of kindness towards yourself. It is not about being selfish or self-indulgent but recognizing that suffering is a part of life, and everyone is entitled to show themselves some love and comfort. The idea is that if you can love yourself, you can love others more effectively and positively influence your loved ones and community.

Self-compassion is not a sign of weakness or laziness but rather a sign of strength.

By recognizing your struggles, you can respond effectively to them, be kind to yourself, and make meaningful changes in your life. Therefore, during the Jewish month of Tammuz, you are encouraged to take stock of your life, recognize your insecurities, and be kind to yourself throughout the year.

In a constantly moving world where expectations and harsh self-criticism prevail, it’s easy to overlook self-compassion. But, as studies have shown, practicing self-compassion can improve physical health and reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It improves your emotional resilience and coping skills, leading to a happier and more fulfilling life. And importantly, when you show yourself compassion, you are more likely to approach others with empathy and kindness.

Practically, cultivating self-compassion during Tammuz might involve setting aside time for self-care practices such as meditation, prayer, or mindful movement. It might mean making a concerted effort to speak kindly to yourself and to celebrate your successes, no matter how small. It might involve seeking the guidance and support of a trusted mentor or teacher who can help you navigate the challenges of self-reflection and growth.

Ultimately, the spiritual meaning of Tammuz encourages you to embrace your innate capacity for growth and to recognize that true spiritual transformation is a journey that requires patience, compassion, and a willingness to learn from your experiences. By cultivating self-compassion and committing yourself to self-reflection, you can tap into the profound wisdom and insight within and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate beings.