The 10th Commandment

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February 6, 2023

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Yitro (Exodus 18-20 )

Shemos, 20:14: “Do not covet your fellow’s house. Do not covet your fellow’s wife, his manservant, his maid servant, his ox, his donkey, not anything that belongs to your fellow.”
Devarim, 5:18: “Do not covet your fellow’s wife. Do not desire your fellow’s house, his field, his slave, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that belongs to your fellow.”

In the last of the Ten Commandments in this week’s Torah portion, the Torah forbids coveting one’s fellow’s belongings – the Torah uses the language of ‘loh tachmod which literally means ‘do not covet’. When the Ten Commandments are repeated in the Torah portion of Vaetchanan, the Torah seemingly adds another prohibition with the words ‘loh titaveh’, which literally means ‘do not desire’.

The Ibn Ezra seems to understand that included in the prohibition of do not covet is merely desiring one’s fellow’s items, even if one does not perform any action in order to acquire the item.1 Based on this understanding, he asks a fundamental question on the mitzvah. How can the Torah forbid a person from having feelings? It is very natural, for example, for a person with an old, cheap car, to be jealous of his fellow who has a brand new, expensive car.

The Ibn Ezra answers with an analogy of a peasant and a princess. No commoner in his right mind will think he has a chance of marrying a princess because. He knows that she is out of his league. He is not exercising great self-control, rather it is human nature that one only has desires for things that are attainable and he can relate to. So too, the Ibn Ezra says that an intelligent person must realize that people do not acquire spouses or possessions based on their wisdom or cleverness, but only based on God’s desire to grant him such.

If a person has a beautiful house or car or wife, it is because the because God knows that is best for him, and if another person does not have the same thing, then that is also God’s will because it is not best for him. Accordingly, the way a person must employ to avoid coveting, is through working on his Emunah that everything he has is from God and he that which his fellow has, is designated solely for him. With that attitude, a person can avoid coveting his friend’s belongings without having to work on curbing his natural desires.

Another approach to answering the question of the Ibn Ezra is based on a Midrash2. The Midrash teaches that the Ten Commandments are repeated in a certain manner in the Torah portion of Kedoshim. For example, Kedoshim contains “I am the Lord your God”3 corresponding to the first of the ten Commandments. “Graven images you shall not make for yourselves”4 corresponds to the second of the ten, and so on. The parallel in Kedoshim to the tenth commandment of do not covet is the famous verse: “And you shall love your fellow as yourself.”5 What is the significance of this connection?

Rabbi Simcha Zissel Brodie explains as follows, as quoted by Rabbi Yissachar Frand:

“When I see that someone has a better car than I do or a better house than I do and I want that car or house, the human emotion behind this desire is not driven strictly by desire for the car or house or wife but by the fact that I am better than him and why should he have something that I do not have. Really, I know that I can easily live with my old jalopy, but I can not live with the fact that my neighbor has a better car than I do! It is not lusting for money or women; it is the ability to come to terms with the fact that someone else has something that I do not have.”

If I truly love that person as I do myself, then I would have no problem with the fact that he has a great car. The proof of this idea is found in the Talmud’s teaching that one is jealous of everyone else except for his children and his students. We rarely see parents who are jealous of their children. Why is that? It is because one loves his children dearly and wants them to be even more successful in life than he himself was. If one really loves his fellow man, he will not be jealous of him. Thus, the way to overcome jealousy is to love one’s neighbor as much as he loves himself.

We have seen two explanations as to why it is conceivable for a person to control his desire for other people’s items. While coveting a person’s things is a common test, a person may think that the actual prohibition to actively pressure someone to sell an item is not so relevant to his life. Most of the time, people do not try to buy other peoples’ belongings. However, in truth, this mitzvah is not limited to pressuring a person to sell an item. Many Authorities rule that it is also forbidden to pressure a person to lend him or to give him something.6 This ruling greatly expands the scope of the mitzvah, in particular with regards to children. It is an almost daily occurrence that a child pressures another child to give them some food, or lend them their toy. While it is permitted to ask for something one or two times, the Authorities rule that asking three times or more is forbidden. It is incumbent on a parent of any child above the age of understanding7 to educate their children that this is a Torah prohibition.

We have learned how the prohibition of ‘do not covet’ teaches us vital lessons about our attitude towards the material world and to our fellow Jew. May we merit to observe this difficult mitzvah in its entirety.

  1. It is evident from the Rambam that the prohibition of ‘do not covet’ is limited to actually trying to acquire the item. The additional Commandment of ‘do not desire’ is also not to merely desire one’s fellow’s belongings, rather it is to think about how to go about acquiring his belongings. Seemingly, the Ibn Ezra’s question does not start according to the Rambam because it is conceivable that a person cannot control his desires, but he can control whether he thinks of ways to acquire it. The halacha follows the Rambam, (See Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat, Simun 359, Sif 10).
  2. Vayikra Rabbah, 25:5.
  3. Vayikra, 19:3.
  4. Vayikra, 19:4.
  5. Vayikra, 19:18.
  6. Rav Yitzchak Berkovits shlit’a rules this way.
  7. The age of chinuch varies between children and different Mitzvos, but the general principle is that once the child is old enough to understand the prohibition, he has reached the age of chinuch. In general, this is around the age of six or seven.
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