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Texting and Dating

November 10, 2020 | by Annie Chana Newman

When it's too much, and when it's too little.

An image is worth 1000 words. A date is worth 100 texts.

Some couples might be living in the same neighborhood but they might as well be separated by an ocean. Why? Because most of their relationship consists of phone and texting conversations and very few dates in between.

Whether or not you live in the same city as your partner, it's best to spend as much time as possible in person to really evaluate if this person is right for you. If they live nearby and ask you out once a week, it will take a very long time to really get to know them. If you live in different cities but the person only arranges to meet every couple of months, it will take even more time and resources to get a real picture of the person.

Phone conversations do not allow you to see how a person will react in a stressful situation and will not help you see how they act around other people. You won't be able to see what angers or disappoints them. You won't know how they will treat you if you are in a situation where there is a disagreement or any decision needs to be made.

Texting conversations will give you even less insight into the person you are communicating with. They have extra time to respond to you, there are often misunderstandings due to lack of facial cues, and it's very difficult to give details on any given topic that is being discussed.

If you've been together for a few months and have only met in person a few times, it's time to stop seeking more dates with that person and accept that their level of interest is not high enough for a lasting relationship to flourish. Sometimes there are situations that create a real obstacle for a person to be available to meet more often, but you will be able to evaluate easily if the person truly can't see you or if it's their level of interest that is questionable.

If he takes forever to answer your text, celebrate!

Did you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone who was sending you mixed messages? You weren't sure if they were interested because sometimes they seemed to give you a lot of attention while at other times they acted cold and distant.

Some people have no problem being straightforward and just letting their date know that they don't see the person as a match. Others don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so they keep answering the other person's messages or accepting date invitations to give it another try even if they don't see long term possibilities. Or, they think maybe the other person will understand that by acting distant, they will realize that they are only friends.

Those people are the most difficult to deal with because it's not always obvious that they are trying to break it off so you keep chasing after them thinking there is a future with them.

When a person takes forever to answer a text, and by forever we don't mean 20 minutes, it's actually a blessing! It gives a clear signal that they are not really interested or invested in the relationship and gives you the freedom to liberate your time and dedicate it to meet someone who will be a better fit.

Then you have people who don't answer texts altogether. Why? The answer is almost always: They are just not that interested! Occasionally, there are unusual circumstances why a guy or anyone for that matter would ignore a text, but unfortunately the vast majority of the time it’s because it’s not a match. Continuing interactions with these people can be exhausting and usually won't be fruitful. Their lack of answering is an even greater blessing than those who are slow to answer because they make it even clearer that it's time to move on.

So if you find yourself with a date who is slow to answer on a regular basis or seems to have disappeared altogether, it is normal to feel disappointed but be happy and celebrate that you won't need to waste any more time figuring out if it's a match. Next! The best way to get over someone is to meet someone better.

Visit Annie Chana Newman's blog at

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